;;;ENSIGN OCTOBER 2007 
VOLUME 37 NUMBER 10

;;;CONTENTS

MESSAGES
FIRST PRESIDENCY MESSAGE
4 They Marked the Path to Follow
PRESIDENT THOMAS S. MONSON
We can look to spiritual pioneers for examples of righteous, obedient living.

VISITING TEACHING MESSAGE
51 Preparing for the Second Coming of Our Lord

FEATURE ARTICLES
10  My Unexpected Route: BECKY THOMAS
How the scriptures have helped me navigate life’s unexpected paths.
12  For the Strength of You
 A conversation with the Young Women general presidency.
18  Come to the Temple:  PRESIDENT BOYD K. PACKER
How do temples make the Church unique? 
23  Worthy to Enter:  ELDER DARYL H. GARN
We must do all we can to keep our minds and our bodies--our personal “temples of God”--clean and pure.
26  Our Long Road to the Temple--Together:  NAME WITHHELD
After I joined the Church, I wasn’t exactly prepared for the challenges ahead--or for the fact that I’d encounter them at home.
29  Standing before Carl Bloch’s Painting Christ Healing the Sick at the Pool of Bethesda: SHARON PRICE ANDERSON
A poet’s experience with the famous work of art.
30  Learning from Conference
Do you want to make the messages and spirit of general conference a regular part of your life? Members tell how they do it.
34  Literacy Improves Lives
 Discover how the lives of a young girl from Mexico and a man from Africa were changed when they learned how to read.
37  Holiday Tips for Military Families
 Ideas for how to celebrate the holidays together in spite of separation.
38  M. Teichert: Artist of Dramatic Vision
 Enjoy a glimpse of some of the large-scale narrative murals by Minerva Teichert on exhibit at the Brigham Young University Museum of Art through May 26, 2008.
42  Helping Those Who Struggle with  Same-Gender Attraction: ELDER JEFFREY R. HOLLAND
The Church is made stronger as we include every member and strengthen one another in service and love.
52  Questions and Answers
 I recently married, and I don’t relate to my in-laws very well. How can I develop better relationships with them?
56  Living in a Chapter of History:  MARJORIE H. RICE
Church history fills the atmosphere of the Tomlinson Inn in Palmyra, New York.
62  The Football Game That Changed My Life:  ALEXANDER M. SOLORZANO
Throughout the game, there was no cursing or fighting, no angry exchange. Who were these people?
64  Turning Hearts in a Land of Temples:  ADAM C. OLSON
Taiwan is a land of many different temples, a land where honoring one’s ancestors is part of a long, rich history. 
insert  IN MEMORIAM: A SUPPLEMENT TO THE ENSIGN: PRESIDENT JAMES E. FAUST: Beloved Shepherd

DEPARTMENTS

LESSONS FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT
46  “I Will Not Leave You Comfortless”: ELDER CECIL O. SAMUELSON JR.
Elder Samuelson reviews nine ways we can more surely qualify to receive spiritual comfort.
70  LATTER-DAY SAINT VOICES
Serving our families and our neighbors brings blessings to the giver and to the receiver.
74  RANDOM SAMPLER
Ideas on sharing the gospel, using food storage, and influencing young children.
76  NEWS OF THE CHURCH
  
DO YOU HAVE A STORY TO TELL?
  The Ensign invites you to share lessons you learned from your father and other father figures in your life. How have these experiences influenced you? Please label your submission “Fathers” and send it by November 16.
  We also welcome other submissions. See our links Do You Have a Story to Tell? and Ensign Magazine Writers’ Guidelines at http://ensign.lds.org.
  Send submissions to ensign@ldschurch.org or Ensign Editorial, 50 E. North Temple Street, Room 2420, Salt Lake City, UT 84150-3220, USA. Include your name, address, telephone number, e-mail address, ward (or branch), and stake (or district). Because of the volume of submissions, we cannot acknowledge receipt. Authors whose work is selected for publication will be notified. If you would like your manuscript, photos, art, or other material returned, please include a self-addressed, stamped envelope.
USING THIS ISSUE
  Preparing for the temple. Several articles in this issue focus on the blessings of the temple (see pp. 18, 23, 26, 29, and 64). Consider recording your feelings as you have prepared for your own temple experiences.
  Continuing conference. After reading “Learning from Conference” (p. 30), consider how some of these approaches could affect your family home evenings and personal study. What other ways might you effectively bring the spirit of general conference into your life?
  Visiting the sites. You might not have known about the Tomlinson Inn in Palmyra, New York (p. 56), and perhaps you’d like to learn about other places of historical significance. To get more information and to find Church history sites near you, visit www.lds.org. Select About the Church and then Places to Visit.
COMING IN NOVEMBER
Addresses from the 177th Semiannual General Conference
ON THE COVER
Front: Photograph by Laureni Fochetto, posed by models. 
Back (photographs clockwise from left): Seoul Korea Temple by Floyd Holdman, Copenhagen Denmark Temple and angel Moroni by Craig Dimond, Accra Ghana Temple by Norman Childs, Washington D.C. Temple by Christina Smith.

GOSPEL TOPICS
Arts, 38
Blessings, 71
Book of Mormon, 56
Character, 10
Children, 75
Church History, 56
Comfort, 46
Conversion, 10, 26, 56, 62
Discernment, 46
Encouragement, 75
Example, 4, 10, 12, 62
Faith, 4
Family, 18, 26, 30, 37, 52, 75
Family History, 18, 64, 70, 72
Family Home Evening, 75
Fellowshipping, 62, 71
General Conference, 30
Holidays, 37
Holy Ghost, 46
Home Teaching, 73
Jesus Christ, 4, 46, 51
Learning, 30, 34
Literacy, 34
Marriage, 26, 52
Military, 37
Moral Purity, 42
New Era, 75
Obedience, 4, 42
Patience, 26
Prayer, 73
Preparation, 51, 74
Promptings, 46
Resources, 75
Same-Gender Attraction, 42
Second Coming, 51
Service, 71, 74
Standards, 12
Stewardship, 73
Strength of Youth, 12
Temples, 18, 23, 26, 29, 64, 70, 72
Worthiness, 23
Youth, 12

;;;First Presidency Message
They Marked the Path to Follow
BY PRESIDENT THOMAS S. MONSON
First Counselor in the First Presidency
Learning of others who trusted God and followed His teachings whispers to our souls, “Be still, and know that I am God.” When we follow their examples, we too will be similarly blessed in our day. Each one becomes a model to follow.
  
  Many years ago I marveled at the cover of one of our Church publications which featured a magnificent reproduction of a Carl Bloch painting. The scene which the artist captured in his mind and then--with a touch of the Master’s hand--transferred to canvas depicted Elisabeth, wife of Zacharias, welcoming Mary, the mother of Jesus. Both were to bear sons--miracle births.
  The son born of Elisabeth became known as John the Baptist. As with Jesus, son of Mary, so with John--precious little is recorded of their years of youth. A single sentence tells us all that we know of John’s life from his birth to his public ministry: “And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, and was in the deserts till the day of his shewing unto Israel.”1
  John’s message was brief. He preached faith, repentance, baptism by immersion, and the bestowal of the Holy Ghost by an authority greater than that possessed by himself. “I am not the Christ,” he told his faithful disciples, “but . . . I am sent before him.”2 “I indeed baptize you with water; but one mightier than I cometh . . . : he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire.”3
  Then occurred the baptism of Christ by John the Baptist. Later Jesus testified, “Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist.”4
  All of us need points of reference--even models to follow. John the Baptist provides for us a flawless example of unfeigned humility, as he deferred always to the One who was to come--the Savior of mankind.
Models of Faith
  Learning of others who trusted God and followed His teachings whispers to our souls, “Be still, and know that I am God.”5 As they resolutely kept His commandments and trusted in Him, they were blessed. When we follow their examples, we too will be similarly blessed in our day. Each one becomes a model to follow.
  All of us love the beautiful account from the Holy Bible of Abraham and Isaac. How exceedingly difficult it must have been for Abraham, in obedience to God’s command, to take his beloved Isaac into the land of Moriah, there to present him as a burnt offering. Can you imagine the heaviness of his heart as he gathered the wood for the fire and journeyed to the appointed place? Surely pain must have racked his body and tortured his mind as he “bound Isaac . . . and laid him on the altar upon the wood.
  “And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.” How glorious was the pronouncement and with what wondered welcome did it come: “Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.”6
  Abraham qualifies as a model of unquestioning obedience.
  If any of us feels our challenges are beyond our capacity to meet them, let us read of Job. By so doing, there comes the feeling, “If Job could endure and overcome, so will I.”
  Job was a “perfect and upright” man who “feared God, and eschewed evil.”7 Pious in his conduct, prosperous in his fortune, Job was to face a test which could have destroyed anyone. Shorn of his possessions, scorned by his friends, afflicted by his suffering, shattered by the loss of his family, he was urged to “curse God, and die.”8 He resisted this temptation and declared from the depths of his noble soul, “Behold, my witness is in heaven, and my record is on high.”9 “I know that my redeemer liveth.”10
  Job became a model of unlimited patience. To this day we refer to those who are long-suffering as having the patience of Job. He provides an example for us to follow.
To Obey and to Live
  “A just man and perfect in his generations,” one who “walked with God,”11 was the prophet Noah. Ordained to the priesthood at an early age, “he became a preacher of righteousness and declared the gospel of Jesus Christ, . . . teaching faith, repentance, baptism, and the reception of the Holy Ghost.”12 He warned that failure to heed his message would bring floods upon those who heard his voice, and yet they hearkened not to his words.
  Noah heeded God’s command to build an ark that he and his family might be spared destruction. He followed God’s instructions to gather into the ark two or more of every living creature that they also might be saved from the floodwaters.
  President Spencer W. Kimball (1895-1985) taught in general conference more than half a century ago: “As yet there was no evidence of rain and flood. . . . [Noah’s] warnings were considered irrational. . . . How foolish to build an ark on dry ground with the sun shining and life moving forward as usual! But time ran out. . . . The floods came. The disobedient . . . were drowned. The miracle of the ark followed the faith manifested in its building.”13
  Noah had the unwavering faith to follow God’s commandments. May we ever do likewise. May we remember that the wisdom of God ofttimes appears as foolishness to men; but the greatest lesson we can learn in mortality is that when God speaks and we obey, we will always be right.
  A model of ideal womanhood is Ruth. Sensing the grief-stricken heart of her mother-in-law Naomi--who suffered the loss of each of her two fine sons--feeling perhaps the pangs of despair and loneliness that plagued the very soul of Naomi, Ruth uttered what has become that classic statement of loyalty: “Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.”14 Ruth’s actions demonstrated the sincerity of her words.
  Through Ruth’s undeviating loyalty to Naomi, she was to marry Boaz, by which she--the foreigner and Moabite convert--became a great-grandmother of David and, therefore, an ancestor of our Savior Jesus Christ.
Models of Obedience
  I now turn to a mighty Book of Mormon prophet--even Nephi, son of Lehi and Sariah. He was faithful and obedient to God, courageous and bold. When given the difficult assignment to obtain the plates of brass from Laban, he did not murmur but declared, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”15 Perhaps this act of courage prompted a verse of counsel for us found in the hymn “The Iron Rod”:
To Nephi, seer of olden time,
A vision came from God. . . .
Hold to the rod, the iron rod;
’Tis strong, and bright, and true.
The iron rod is the word of God;
’Twill safely guide us through.16
  Nephi personified unflagging determination.
  No description of models for us to follow would be complete without including Joseph Smith, the first prophet of this dispensation. When but 14 years of age, this courageous young man entered a grove of trees, which later would be called sacred, and received an answer to his sincere prayer.
  There followed for Joseph unrelenting persecution as he related to others the account of the glorious vision he received in that grove. Although he was ridiculed and scorned, he stood firm. Said he, “I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it.”17
  Step by step, facing opposition at nearly every turn and yet always guided by the hand of the Lord, Joseph organized The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He proved courageous in all that he did.
  Toward the end of his life, as he was led away with his brother Hyrum to Carthage Jail, he bravely faced what he undoubtedly knew lay ahead for him, and he sealed his testimony with his blood.
  As we face life’s tests, may we ever emulate that undaunted courage epitomized by the Prophet Joseph Smith.
A Model of Optimism 
  There stands before us today another prophet of God--even our beloved President Gordon B. Hinckley. He has presided over the largest expansion of the Church--both numerically and geographically--in our history. He has traversed frontiers not heretofore crossed by a Church President and has visited with government leaders and with members the world over. His love for the people transcends the barriers of language and culture.
  With prophetic vision, he has instituted the Perpetual Education Fund, which breaks the cycle of poverty for our members in many areas of the world and provides skills and training which qualify young men and young women for gainful employment. This inspired plan has kindled the light of hope in the eyes of those who felt doomed to mediocrity but who now have an opportunity for a brighter future.
  President Hinckley has labored unceasingly to bring sacred blessings to members of the Church worldwide by providing temples that are within the reach of all. He has the capacity to lift to a higher plane those from all walks of life, regardless of the faith to which they ascribe. He is a model of unfailing optimism, and we revere him as prophet, seer, and revelator.
  The unique qualities possessed by these men and women whom I have mentioned can be of invaluable assistance to us as we face the problems and the trials which lie ahead. May I illustrate by mentioning the experience of the Pollard family of Oakland, California.
One Family’s Faith
  A few years ago, as Elder Taavili Joseph Samuel Pollard was traveling to the mission office on the last day of his mission in Zimbabwe, the mission car he was driving somehow spun out of control and hit a tree. A passerby was able to rescue Elder Pollard’s companion, but Elder Pollard, who was unconscious, was trapped in the car, which burst into flames. Elder Pollard perished. His mother had passed away eight years earlier; hence, his father was rearing the family alone. A brother was serving in the West Indies Mission.
  When the news of Elder Pollard’s death reached his father, this humble man--who had already lost his wife--called the son serving in the West Indies to let him know of his brother’s death. Over that long-distance telephone line, Brother Pollard and his son, no doubt grief stricken and heartsick, sang together “I Am a Child of God.”18 Before concluding the call, the father offered a prayer to Heavenly Father, thanking Him for His blessings and seeking His divine comfort.
  Brother Pollard later commented that he knew his family would be all right, for they have strong testimonies of the gospel and of the plan of salvation.
  My brothers and sisters, in this marvelous dispensation of the fulness of times, as we journey through mortality and face the trials and challenges of the future, may we remember the examples of these models to follow. May we have the unfeigned humility of John the Baptist, the unquestioning obedience of Abraham, the unlimited patience of Job, the unwavering faith of Noah, the undeviating loyalty of Ruth, the unflagging determination of Nephi, the undaunted courage of the Prophet Joseph Smith, and the unfailing optimism of President Hinckley. Such will be as a fortress of strength to us throughout our lives.
The Exemplar
  May we ever be guided by the supreme Exemplar, even the son of Mary, the Savior Jesus Christ--whose very life provided a perfect model for us to follow.
  Born in a stable, cradled in a manger, He came forth from heaven to live on earth as a mortal man and to establish the kingdom of God. During His earthly ministry, He taught men the higher law. His glorious gospel reshaped the thinking of the world. He blessed the sick; He caused the lame to walk, the blind to see, the deaf to hear. He even raised the dead to life.
  What was the reaction to His message of mercy, His words of wisdom, His lessons of life? There were a precious few who appreciated Him. They bathed His feet. They learned His word. They followed His example.
  Then there were those who denied Him. When asked by Pilate, “What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ?”19 they cried, “Crucify him.”20 They mocked Him. They gave Him vinegar to drink. They reviled Him. They smote Him with a reed. They spit upon Him. They crucified Him.
  Down through the generations of time, the message from Jesus has been the same. To Peter and Andrew by the shores of the beautiful Sea of Galilee, He said, “Follow me.”21 To Philip of old came the call, “Follow me.”22 To the Levite who sat at receipt of customs came the instruction, “Follow me.”23 And to you and to me, if we but listen, will come that same beckoning invitation, “Follow me.” May we all do so and reap the eternal rewards reserved for those who follow the path that He marked by His exemplary life. 

NOTES
1. Luke 1:80.
2. John 3:28.
3. Luke 3:16.
4. Matthew 11:11.
5. Psalm 46:10.
6. Genesis 22:9-10, 12.
7. Job 1:1.
8. Job 2:9.
9. Job 16:19.
10. Job 19:25.
11. Genesis 6:9.
12. Bible Dictionary, “Noah,” 738-39.
13. In Conference Report, Oct. 1952, 48.
14. Ruth 1:16.
15. 1 Nephi 3:7.
16. Joseph L. Townsend (1849-1942), Hymns, no. 274.
17. Joseph Smith--History 1:25.
18. Naomi W. Randall (1908-2001), Hymns, no. 301.
19. Matthew 27:22.
20. Mark 15:13.
21. Matthew 4:19.
22. John 1:43.
23. Luke 5:27.

IDEAS FOR HOME TEACHERS	
   After prayerfully studying this message, share it using a method that encourages the participation of those you teach. Following are some examples:
   1. Have family members try to draw something unfamiliar (for example, a map of a faraway country or a unique flower). Then provide a picture of the object, and have them draw it again. How do models help us? Relate President Monson’s statements on using prophets as models for life. Share a personal experience illustrating how a prophet’s example helped you.
   2. Ask, “Whom do people in the world follow today? What qualities do these men and women possess?” Compare the righteous examples mentioned in the article with the world’s examples. Challenge the family to choose and emulate a spiritual trait exemplified by these righteous men and women. 
   3. If the family has young children, have them mimic your actions. Clap your hands, nod your head, and so on. Discuss the meaning of following someone’s example. Ask family members to think of righteous examples, and use the article to complement 
their responses. Conclude with President Monson’s testimony of Jesus Christ being the greatest example to follow.

;;;My Unexpected Route
BY BECKY THOMAS
I never expected to be single at age 40, but the scriptures helped me find strength and draw closer to God.
  I recently studied the account of the children of Israel being led to the promised land. I could feel their despair as they approached the borders of the Red Sea, wondering where they could possibly go from there.
  Turning 40 and still single, I believed that I too was standing on the shore, determined not to turn back, the path ahead of me uncertain. The feeling was all too familiar. I had felt it when I graduated single from college and again when I was still single at 30. Now at 40, I was still counting.
  As I read, I realized we can’t always imagine what the Lord can or will do for us. The children of Israel certainly didn’t. They “lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the Lord” (Exodus 14:10).
  The Lord heard their pleas. “Lift thou up thy rod,” He instructed their prophet and leader, Moses, “and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea” (Exodus 14:16). As the Israelites walked to safety, “the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left” (Exodus 14:22).
  This route the children of Israel were asked to take was an unforeseen route. It was a path no one had ever taken before. But through it, the Lord made the seemingly impossible possible.
  My life has also taken an unexpected route, as have the lives of many others--perhaps those who are single parents; those who are divorced, widowed, childless, or disabled; or those who have experienced any of life’s other unanticipated scenarios.
  I have found that the unexpected route is not a lesser route. The scriptures tell of some of the Lord’s most faithful servants making their way through uncommon paths. For example, Zacharias and Elisabeth were both “well stricken in years” (Luke 1:7) when they had their first child. Before Joseph of Egypt became leader to his brothers, as had been prophesied, he was enslaved and sold at their hands (see Genesis 37). Widowed Ruth supported her mother-in-law and herself, eventually marrying again and becoming a forebearer to Jesus Christ (see Ruth 1-4).
  Not all are asked to take an unexpected route, and I don’t know all the reasons I have been directed to this particular path. But even though I still have moments of despair when my heart longs for the love of my life to be at my side, I have experienced great joy while pressing forward on this course. I’ve become acquainted with God as I’ve turned to Him and found answers and meaning in my day-to-day life. To learn of His love, His life, His care, His concern, and His tender mercies is the greatest life experience I could ask for. 

SEEING DIVINE PATTERN AND PURPOSE 
“Daily hope is vital, since the ‘Winter Quarters’ of our lives are not immediately adjacent to our promised land. . . . An arduous trek still awaits, but hope spurs weary disciples on. Those with true hope often see their personal circumstances shaken, like kaleidoscopes, again and again. Yet with the ‘eye of faith,’ they still see divine pattern and purpose.”
Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926-2004), “Brightness of Hope,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 36.

;;;FOR THE STRENGTH OF YOU 
A Conversation with the Young   Women General Presidency
The Young Women general presidency--Susan W. Tanner (center), president; Julie B. Beck (left), first counselor; and Elaine S. Dalton (right), second counselor--talk about ways parents and leaders can help youth increase their desire and resolve to live gospel standards. Since the conversation, Sister Beck has been called as the Relief Society general president, and Mary N. Cook has been called to the Young Women general presidency.What might parents and leaders focus on when talking to youth about standards?
   Sister Susan W. Tanner: As a presidency we have a motto: “I can do hard things.” Our priesthood adviser, Elder John B. Dickson, suggested we change it to “When I know who I am, I can do anything He asks me to do.” We feel strongly that if youth understand who they are as children of God, then they will keep standards. The sense of their identity gives them self-confidence.
   Sister Elaine S. Dalton: Talking about standards is not about rules; standards are about qualifying for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. Standards are about standing in holy places so you’re worthy to have the companionship of the third member of the Godhead. He will be your guide along the path you entered at baptism and confirmation--the path that leads to the temple. 
   Sister Julie B. Beck: I remember a reporter who attacked our standards as restrictive. She had read the For the Strength of Youth book, and she felt that it was all about rules. So I talked to her about safety and choices, and I used the words liberate and free and protect. I said, for instance, if a young woman keeps our standard not to drink alcohol or take drugs, she will never be a slave to those habits. She’ll be free, and her ability to make choices will be multiplied because she won’t have the problem of addiction. The reporter started to nod her head when she understood that standards are not a fence to keep us in. Standards are what help us go out and function in a world full of choices. We can contribute in this world and live happy, productive lives because we are protected. 
   How can parents and leaders get standards into the hearts of youth?
   Sister Tanner: Sometimes we look at the difficulties youth face and have an immediate instead of a long-range vision. It’s interesting to read For the Strength of Youth looking for promises; it’s interesting to read the scriptures looking for promises. Whenever we’re admonished to do anything, generally it’s followed by a promise. Parents and leaders who have lived standards are a great example. Youth can see that good things have happened in our lives, that we’ve been able to establish eternal families. Those are promises being fulfilled in our lives. 
   Sister Dalton: I have never met anyone who didn’t want the promises in For the Strength of Youth: “You will be able to do your life’s work with greater wisdom and skill,” you will be able to “bear trials with greater courage,” “you will have the help of the Holy Ghost,” “you will feel good about yourself,” you “will be a positive influence in the lives of others,” and “you will be worthy to go to the temple” (pp. 2-3). 
   Sister Beck: If you’re unapologetic about blessings, then you can’t be apologetic about what gets you the blessings.
   Sister Dalton: Sometimes parents think a standard is a small thing. They say, “I’m not going to fight that battle or die on that hill.” But it’s not about hills; it’s about holiness. A standard is about understanding who you are as a son or daughter of God.
   How can parents and leaders overcome the fear of offending or alienating youth? 
   Sister Beck: I think of some scriptures: “Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee” (Jeremiah 1:8) and “Open thy mouth, and it shall be filled” (Moses 6:32). The Lord expects His leaders--and every parent is a leader--to speak the truth. 
   Sister Tanner: Doctrine and Covenants section 121 says that when “reproving betimes with sharpness,” you show “forth afterwards an increase of love” (v. 43). If youth know first that you love them, they’re more willing to listen. And if you also follow up with your love, you can say the hard things.
   Sister Beck: I think we underestimate youth. They’re in a searching age--it’s the “why” age. There’s a reason for that: the Lord wants them to get their own testimonies. It’s leaders’ and parents’ job to give them the doctrinal “whys” and to back up standards by teaching about the reasons for them. I remember some conver-sations I had with a daughter about Sunday dress. I explained how I felt she should dress to attend sacrament meeting. I also taught her about the sacrament and bore my testimony about why we go to church. It was done with love. She didn’t change the way she dressed that Sunday or the week after. But very soon she adopted a more formal standard of dress for sacrament meeting. I was patient while she got her own confirmation. And she never went back to dressing the way she had before. She had been taught the doctrine, and her “why” question was answered.
   How can For the Strength of Youth help parents and leaders answer the “why” questions?
   Sister Tanner: I love For the Strength of Youth because it’s based on doctrine. Doctrine is eternal truth, set from before the foundation of the world. And standards are based upon doctrine, so the standards aren’t going to change either. They’re not something out-of-touch adults made up just to make life difficult. For the Strength of Youth states doctrine and standards probably clearer than any other resource. It also talks about consequences. So you can see what the eternal truth is, what it is we should do or should not do, and why we should or should not do it. This book can be a huge help to parents. Sometimes when I think, “I want to explain this correctly in understandable terms,” I go to that book, and the idea I need is encapsulated in a sentence.
   What are other ways parents and leaders can use For the Strength of Youth?
   Sister Beck: You can discuss it a standard at a time in family home evening and in each section mark the doctrine, the standards, and the consequences. As a Church teacher, you could use it in any lesson. It has helped me to memorize some key phrases that I really want to emphasize, and I find that when I’m talking to youth, those sentences just pop out.
   Sister Dalton: For example, one key phrase is “Satan wants you to think that you cannot repent, but . . .”
   Sister Dalton and Sister Beck, together: “. . . that is absolutely not true” (p. 30)!
   Sister Tanner: Youth are often the best teachers of each other. One of the things we love to do when we speak to youth is hand a For the Strength of Youth book to some young people and say, “I’d like you to choose any one of these standards and in a few minutes give a little talk on it.” I’ve had so many spontaneous talks fill the room with the Spirit. When youth share their experiences and bear their testimonies, they feel the Spirit and start learning the power of the book. 
   Sister Beck: Having a standards night once a year isn’t enough. We can use For the Strength of Youth at camp; we can use it at youth conference and in formal and informal situations. It’s a resource that has to be always in front of our youth. And parents and leaders have to live it. You can’t be the leader who tells youth what movies to avoid, and then you go to those movies. You can’t be the mother who says, “Don’t wear that immodest dress,” and then you’re wearing one. You can’t be the father who says, “Pay your tithing,” but you don’t.
   Then does For the Strength of Youth have a role for people who aren’t youth? 
   Sister Dalton: I call it For the Strength of “You.” It applies to all of us.
   Sister Beck: My copy has my name on it, and it’s marked for me. The standards are not gender or age specific; they’re for children of God.
   What are some immediate blessings we receive by living the Lord’s standards as taught in For the Strength of Youth?
   Sister Dalton: Peace of mind.
   Sister Beck: The companionship of the Holy Ghost.
   Sister Dalton: And self-confidence. It ties with the 2007 Mutual theme: “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God” (D&C 121:45). Those immediate blessings are important because sometimes youth think, “If I choose this, I won’t have any friends.” Unfortunately, that could be true.
   Sister Tanner: It was true for me in seventh grade. I was honest, going against what a popular group of girls wanted me to do. Because of that, I didn’t have friends and I was sad, but I had confidence that what I had done was right. And I’m sure that’s what sustained me through a period of time. I knew I could face whom I really needed to face--my Heavenly Father and my family. But even that knowledge doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
   Sister Dalton: For the Strength of Youth doesn’t promise you a life free of problems if you live standards, but it does say that “you will . . . bear trials with greater courage” (p. 2). Although I didn’t realize it the night I walked out of a party and closed the door on my whole social future--the popular kids shunned me from that time on--I know now that living standards enables you to be a leader. One young woman or one young man with the courage to live these standards and walk out of an inappropriate situation gives others the courage to follow. 
   What are the long-term blessings of living the standards in For the Strength of Youth?
   Sister Beck: Last week I was shopping with my granddaughters. I noticed a sales clerk watching our fun. Later I gave her a pass-along card. She told me, “I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to take charge, and I don’t know how.” So we talked. My closing comment to her was, “If you want this when you’re my age”--and I pointed to my little granddaughters--“you have to be really careful what you’re choosing now. The choices I made at your age determined who I am now.” 
   Sister Dalton: Long-term blessings ripple through generations, and one small thing you’re doing right now can make a lot of difference in where you end up and where the generations that follow you end up. And we can’t forget that generations before us sacrificed for us to have the gospel and to know about standards.
   How can youth handle temptation and receive those immediate and long-term blessings? 
   Sister Dalton: When I ask youth, “What’s the hardest thing you do?” many say, “It’s going to parties and being offered a drink and not drinking it.” So I ask, “Why are you at the party?” And they say, “I go to be a good example to others.” Then I always respond, “You bring your friends to places where they can feel the Spirit. Don’t ever walk into places where the Spirit won’t go. Avoid them!”
   Sister Beck: Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy has an analogy. He says that if you’re on a non-chocolate-chip-cookie diet, yet you go into the kitchen just after the cookies have been baked--it smells delicious and you can picture the chocolate chips melting as you pull the cookie apart --how long is it going to be before you sample one? How strong are you really? That’s resisting--or trying to resist. But if you’re on a non-chocolate-chip-cookie diet and you don’t go into the kitchen where they’re baked and you don’t bake them yourself, then you are avoiding temptation. That’s easier! 
   What can youth who live these righteous standards accomplish? 
   Sister Beck: Satan is coming at our youth from all sides. But we have a defense, so we don’t need to be afraid. We can trust in the Lord’s promises. He says young men and women will dream dreams and see visions, that He will pour out His Spirit upon them in the last days and He will flood the earth with righteousness and truth (see Joel 2:28-32; Moses 7:62). There’s nothing righteous youth can’t do!
   Sister Dalton: Our youth are major players in the winding-up scenes on the earth. We read about the calamities and things that will happen, but living the standards in For the Strength of Youth will preserve and protect and strengthen our youth in such a way that they’ll be able to serve and do what nobody else will be able to do. 
   Sister Tanner: Today’s youth are like the army of Helaman! Those youth were raised up to save the Nephite generation, and our youth are being raised up to save this generation. 

HELPING YOUTH FIND STRENGTH
   One way to begin making the teachings in For the Strength of Youth (item no. 36550) part of our lives--and to get them into the hearts of youth--is to identify the doctrines, the standards, and the consequences in each section of this book. For example, consider the “Sexual Purity” section.
   Doctrine answers the question “Why do we live these standards?”: “Physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love between husband and wife. God has commanded that sexual intimacy be reserved for marriage” (p. 26).
   Standards teach us what we should and should not do: “Do not have any sexual relations before marriage, and be completely faithful to your spouse after marriage” (p. 26).
   Consequences are the positive and negative results of living standards: “When you obey God’s commandment to be sexually pure, you prepare yourself to make and keep sacred covenants in the temple. You prepare yourself to build a strong marriage and to bring children into the world as part of a loving family. You protect yourself from the emotional damage that always comes from sharing physical intimacies with someone outside of marriage” (p. 26).

SHARING STANDARDS
   A young woman I know was a little frustrated with friends questioning her standards: “Why can’t you date before 16?” “Why don’t you drink?” When she prayed about how to handle this situation, this idea came to her mind: “I’m going to put a For the Strength of Youth booklet in my jeans pocket. When people question me about, for example, dating, I’ll give them the book and tell them to read the section on dating.” 
   It turned out to be a great idea! In three months she gave out 52 copies of For the Strength of Youth. And three new friends started attending church with her. 
   This young woman was bold in a friendly way and didn’t apologize for her standards. When youth live standards clearly and without apology, others will respect them and look to their example.
Mary N. Cook, second counselor in the Young Women general presidency

;;;Come to the Temple
BY PRESIDENT BOYD K. PACKER 
Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
The doctrine that underlies the work in the holy temple, more than any other thing, sets The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints apart from and transcendent above every other religious organization on the face of the earth.
 Around the turn of the twentieth century two missionaries were laboring in the mountain region of the southern part of the United States. One day as they were walking along a ridge in the hill country, they saw people gathering in a clearing near a cabin some distance down the hillside.
  They discovered that there was to be a funeral. A little boy had drowned. His parents had sent for the minister to “say words” at the burial of the little fellow. The elders stayed in the background to watch the proceedings. The little fellow was to be buried in the grave already opened near the cabin. The minister stood before the grieving father and mother and the others gathered and began his funeral sermon. If the parents expected to receive consolation from this man of the cloth, they would be disappointed.
  He scolded them severely for not having had the little boy baptized. They had put it off because of one thing or another, and now it was too late. He told them very bluntly that their little boy had gone to hell. He told them that it was their fault, that they were to blame--they had caused their son endless torment.
  After the sermon was over and the grave was covered, the friends, neighbors, and relatives left the scene. The elders approached the grieving parents. “We are servants of the Lord,” they told the sobbing mother, “and we have come with a message for you.”
  As the grief-stricken parents listened, the two young elders unfolded to their view something of a vision of the eternities. They read from the revelations, and they bore to these humble, grief-stricken parents their testimony of the restoration of the keys for the redemption of both the living and the dead.
  I do not berate the itinerant preacher. Indeed, I have some sympathy for him, for he was doing the best he knew how to do with such light and knowledge as he had received. But there is more than he had to give. There is the fulness of the gospel.
  The path the missionaries pointed out to those humble folk was more than conversion and repentance and baptism; for, to those who will follow, in due time that path leads to the sacred rooms of the holy temple. There members of the Church who make themselves eligible can participate in the most exalted and sacred of the redeeming ordinances that have been revealed to mankind. There we may be washed and anointed and instructed and endowed and sealed. And when we have received these blessings for ourselves, we may officiate for those who have died without having had the same opportunity.
  It is my hope to enlarge your understanding as to why we build temples and why ordinances and ceremonies are performed there.
Privilege of Temple Attendance
  It is a privilege to enter the holy temple. If you are eligible by the standards that are set, by all means you should come to receive your own blessings; and thereafter you should return again and again and again to make those same blessings available to others who have died without the opportunity to receive them in mortality.
  You should not come to the temple until you are eligible, until you meet the requirements that the Lord has set. But you should come, if not now, as soon as you can qualify.
  The doctrine that underlies the work in the holy temple, more than any other thing, sets The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints apart from and transcendent above every other religious organization on the face of the earth. We have something that no other religious denomination has. We can give something they cannot extend.
  The anguish in the hearts of those grieving parents can be satisfied only in the doctrines of this Church. These doctrines center on the ordinances of the holy temple.
Order in All Things
  To explain something of the significance of the ordinances, I begin with the third article of faith: “We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”
  The word ordinance means “a religious or ceremonial observance,” “an established rite.”1 Now, what about the ordinances of the gospel? How important are they to us as members of the Church? Can you be happy, can you be redeemed, can you be exalted without them? Answer: They are more than advisable or desirable, or even than necessary. More even than essential or vital, they are crucial to each of us.
  Each Latter-day Saint needs to ask himself or herself the questions: Is my life in order? Do I have all of the ordinances of the gospel that I should possess by this time in my life? Are they valid?
  If you can answer these questions affirmatively, and if the ordinances come under the influence of the sealing power and authority, they will remain intact eternally. In that case your life, to this point, is in proper order. You then would do well to think of your family, living and dead, with the same questions in mind.
The Temple Ordinances
  The ordinances we perform in the temples include washings, anointings, the endowment, and the sealing ordinance--both the sealing of children to parents, and the sealing of couples, spoken of generally as temple marriage.
  Here is a brief summary of the information that is available in print with reference to the temple ordinances.
  The ordinances of washing and anointing are referred to often in the temple as initiatory ordinances. It will be sufficient for our purposes to say only the following: Associated with the endowment are washings and anointings--mostly symbolic in nature, but promising definite, immediate blessings as well as future blessings. Concerning these ordinances the Lord has said, “I say unto you, how shall your washings be acceptable unto me, except ye perform them in a house which you have built to my name?” (D&C 124:37).
  In connection with these ordinances, in the temple you will be officially clothed in the garment and promised marvelous blessings in connection with it. It is important that you listen carefully as these ordinances are administered and that you try to remember the blessings promised and the conditions upon which they will be realized.
  To endow is to enrich, to give to another something long lasting and of much worth. In the temple endowment ordinances, “recipients are endowed with power from on high,” and “they receive an education relative to the Lord’s purposes and plans.”2
  President Brigham Young (1801-77) said of the endowment: “Let me give you a definition in brief. Your endowment is, to receive all those ordinances in the house of the Lord, which are necessary for you, after you have departed this life, to enable you to walk back to the presence of the Father, passing the angels who stand as sentinels, being enabled to give them the key words, the signs and tokens, pertaining to the holy Priesthood, and gain your eternal exaltation in spite of earth and hell.”3
  The blessing of the endowment is required for full exaltation. Every Latter-day Saint should seek to be worthy of this blessing and to obtain it.
  The sealing ordinance is that ordinance which binds families eternally. Temple marriage is a sealing ordinance. Children born to couples sealed in the temple are born in the covenant. When a couple has been married in a civil ceremony and then sealed in the temple a year or more later, children not born in the covenant are sealed to the couple in a brief and sacred ordinance.
  I have always been impressed that the ordinances of the temple are reverently and carefully administered. They are not complicated or extravagant but are typical of the simplicity of the principles of the gospel.
  In the Church we hold sufficient authority to perform all of the ordinances necessary to redeem and to exalt the whole human family. And because we have the keys to the sealing power, what we bind in proper order here will be bound in heaven. Those keys--the keys to seal and bind on earth and have it bound in heaven--represent the consummate gift from our God. With that authority we can baptize and bless, we can endow and seal, and the Lord will honor our commitments.
Ordinances Must Be Offered to the Dead
  The itinerant preacher spoken of earlier had no answer to the question of what happens to those who died without baptism. What about them? If there is none other name given under heaven whereby man must be saved (and that is true), and they have lived and died without even hearing that name, and if baptism is essential (and it is), and they died without even the invitation to accept it, where are they now?
  That question is hard to fathom, but it describes most of the human family. In other words, ask what power would establish one Lord and one baptism and then allow it to happen that most of the human family never comes within the influence of its doctrines? With that question unanswered, the vast majority of the human family must be admitted to be lost, including the little boy who drowned--and against any reasonable application of the law of justice or of mercy, either.
  If a church has no answer to this dilemma, how can it lay claim to be the Lord’s Church? Surely He is not willing to write off the majority of the human family because they were never baptized while on earth.
  In all reason those who admit in puzzled frustration that they have no answer to this question cannot lay claim to authority to administer the affairs of the Lord on the earth or to oversee the work by which all mankind must be saved.
  One of the characteristics that sets us apart from the rest of the world and identifies us as the Lord’s Church is that we provide baptism and other ordinances for our deceased ancestors.
  Whenever I address myself to the question of those who died without baptism, I do so with the deepest reverence, for it touches on a sacred work. Little known to the world, this work is marvelous in its prospects, transcendent above what man might have dreamed of, supernal, inspired, and true. It is the answer.
  With proper authority a mortal person could be baptized for and in behalf of someone who had not had that opportunity before passing on. That individual would then accept or reject the baptism in the spirit world, according to his own desire.
  This work came as a great reaffirmation of something very basic--that there is life after death. Mortal death is no more an ending than birth was the beginning. The great work of redemption goes on beyond the veil as well as here in mortality.
  We have been authorized to perform baptisms and other temple ordinances vicariously for the dead so that when they hear the gospel preached and desire to accept it, those essential ordinances will have been performed.
Come to the Temple
  Every Latter-day Saint is responsible for this work. Probably no point of doctrine sets this Church apart from the other claimants as this one does. We have the revelations. We have those sacred ordinances.
  To all of you I say, “Come to the temple.” It may be that you look forward to the once-in-a-lifetime privilege of going there to receive your own endowment, to receive your own blessings, and to enter into your own covenants with the Lord. It may be that you have been there once or twice already. It may be that you go frequently. It may even be that you are an officiator. Whatever the circumstances may be, come to the temple.
  If needed, set your lives in order; pray fervently. Start now that very difficult and sometimes very discouraging journey of repentance. Firmly resolve that you will do everything you can to aid temple work and the family history work that supports it and to assist every living soul and every soul beyond the veil in every way you can with every resource at your disposal.
  Come to the temple! 
Adapted from The Holy Temple (1980). 
NOTES
	1. Oxford English Dictionary (1971), “ordinance,” 2006.
	2. Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, 2nd ed. (1966), 227.
	3. Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe (1941), 416.

;;;Worthy to Enter
BY ELDER DARYL H. GARN
Of the Seventy
It is my hope and prayer that we all can declare we are worthy to enter the temple of our God,  that we may enjoy eternal promised blessings.

  How blessed we are to have temples! The holy temple is “the place of [the Lord’s] throne” on the earth (Ezekiel 43:7). President Gordon B. Hinckley has told Church members: “Until you have received the sacred [temple] ordinances of the gospel, you have not received all of the wonderful blessings which this Church has to offer. The great and crowning blessings of membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are those blessings which come to us in the house of the Lord.”1
  Even though temples are located throughout the world, many of our members do not live near one of these holy buildings and therefore may not be able to attend the temple in the near future. It is important, however, that all Latter-day Saints live worthy to attend the temple so they will be ready when the opportunity comes.
Building the Lord’s House
  A few years ago I had an experience in the Houston Texas Temple that gave me greater insight into the importance of the temple and the way I live my life.
  The Houston temple was nearing completion when I had the opportunity to walk through the building with Leon Rowley, the supervisor of the temple construction.
  Brother Rowley reviewed with me some of the special considerations that contractors who wish to bid on the temple must know. They are told that building a temple will be different from any other construction project in which they have participated. They are told that we believe the temple is the house of the Lord and that it requires the finest workmanship. They are then given a list of requirements they need to consider in their bid.
  First, they are told that the construction site must not be cluttered and must stay clean and organized. As Brother Rowley and I walked through the Houston temple, we saw very little clutter, and we did not need to walk around piles of construction debris, even though it was a busy day for the workers. When the workers finished a project, they cleaned up after themselves and disposed of the trash.
  Second, contractors are told that all the rooms in the temple will be finished and painted. That day in the temple, every room was painted white. Even the storage rooms and mechanical rooms were white. There were no dark places in the temple.
  Third, contractors are told that there is to be no graffiti on the walls of the temple. Often, workers at construction sites will write inappropriate things on the walls. Brother Rowley shared an incident he had experienced a few days previously. He had noticed some inappropriate words written on a wall of the temple and reminded the contractor of their agreement. The following day, he noticed that the words had been painted over. He went to the contractor again and told him that the offensive words were still on the wall of the temple and needed to be removed. The next morning, the paint and the words were sanded off the temple wall.
  Fourth, the contractors are told that initially one room will be finished to temple quality so that workers will know how to finish all the rooms in the temple. The large sealing room of the Houston temple was chosen to be finished first. As we walked into that sealing room, I noticed some little red dots on the door casings and on the moldings. Brother Rowley said that at the end of each day he inspects the workmanship to see if there are any imperfections. If additional work is needed to make it perfect, he places a little red dot to indicate the area to be refinished. The following day, the workers will putty, sand, and repaint until it is acceptable.
“Ye Are the Temple of God”
  As I walked through the temple that day, the words from 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 came to my mind: “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.”
  I reflected on the great lengths the Church goes to in constructing our beautiful temples. Indeed, we are taught in the scriptures that even the temple grounds “shall be most holy” (Ezekiel 43:12). As I pondered all of this, I was reminded that we must do all we can to keep our minds and our bodies--our personal “temples of God”--clean and pure.
  First, we must not allow the ways of the world to clutter our lives. The Savior said, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33). Too often, worldly things keep us from our prayers, scripture reading, and Church duties. President Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, has said: “Sometimes our minds are so beset with problems, and there are so many things clamoring for attention at once that we just cannot think clearly and see clearly. At the temple the dust of distraction seems to settle out, the fog and the haze seem to lift, and we can ‘see’ things that we were not able to see before and find a way through our troubles that we had not previously known.”2
  Second, we must see that there are no dark places in our lives. The Savior has invited all to come unto Him through repentance. “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins--behold, he will confess them and forsake them” (D&C 58:42-43). If our sins are serious, our bishop or branch president can help us with the repentance process. They are men of experience and understanding. They will listen with confidentiality, and they will help us to repent and be forgiven.
  Third, we must be aware of the graffiti that can come into our lives through inappropriate books, music, movies, television, or language. Repentance qualifies as the putty, sandpaper, and paint that will rid us of our spiritual graffiti. President Hinckley has also cautioned us against obtaining tattoos and body piercings.
  Fourth, we “finish” our bodies to temple quality as we understand the temple recommend interview questions and are worthy to respond favorably to each one.
  One of my greatest joys has been to interview members of the Church for temple recommends, to hear them respond positively and with great faith, and to rejoice as they declare themselves worthy to partake of sacred temple ordinances. It is my hope and prayer that we all can declare we are worthy to enter the temple of our God, that we may participate in the saving ordinances and enjoy eternal promised blessings. 
NOTES
	1. “Recurring Themes of President Hinckley,” Ensign, June 2000, 19.
	2. “The Holy Temple,” Ensign, Feb. 1995, 36.

By being worthy to respond favorably to the temple recommend questions, we figuratively “finish” our bodies to the quality and beauty exemplified in the construction of temples like the Houston Texas Temple, at left and on preceding page. 

;;;Our Long Road to the Temple Together
NAME WITHHELD
I wanted desperately for our family to be sealed in the temple. Why couldn’t my husband share that goal?

  When I joined the Church, the gospel filled a huge void. Where I once felt painful emptiness, I now felt a wave of peace, joy, and purpose. Each time the missionaries taught us, they presented both my husband, who was a member but not active for most of his life, and me with a challenge corresponding to the discussion they presented. As we accepted each one, my hopes and expectations for us grew. While I wasn’t naive in thinking that it would be pure eternal bliss from that point on or that my life would suddenly be free of obstacles and disappointments, I did think that our home would become more of a sanctuary. I wasn’t exactly prepared for the challenges that lay ahead--or for the fact that we would encounter them at home. 
  The first indication of a problem came shortly after I started meeting with the missionaries. I woke up one Sunday morning and started getting our three children ready so that we could be on time to the first meeting at church. My husband looked at me and said, “I thought we were just going to go to sacrament meeting.” That attitude was reflected in the weeks and months that followed. Although my husband occasionally attended sacrament meeting, I usually found myself taking the children to church on my own. 
  Still, I found blessings in my own gospel progression. I went to the temple to do baptisms for the dead not long after I joined the Church. After changing into white clothing, I glanced at myself in the mirror just before exiting the dressing room. In the past I had struggled with feelings of self-doubt, questioning my worth, my appearance, and everything I did. But in that moment at the temple and for the first time in my life, I liked what I saw. I believe that I caught just a tiny glimpse of what my Heavenly Father sees in me. It was then that I made my Father in Heaven and myself a promise: I would do everything within my power to get my family to the temple. 
  Several months later I shared this experience with my stake president. I told him, “I have to go to the temple. I have to keep moving; otherwise, I will go backwards.” When I did go to the temple, my husband supported me but made it clear that he was not ready to do the same. 
  That frustrated me. Didn’t he want an eternal family? Some days I questioned whether I had the strength to go on conducting every family home evening and leading every family prayer.  I often let him know I was disappointed. After a while tension started to creep into our family life.
  My closest friends and Church leaders counseled me to be loving and patient. I wanted to believe that those things would get my family to the temple, but I was afraid that it might never happen. I was also afraid for our children; I wanted them to have the example of a father who was valiant in the gospel. I found hope through prayer, my patriarchal blessing, and scripture study, but I would become fearful again when I looked at friends and family members who had waited years--even decades--for their spouses to commit to baptism. I realized that I couldn’t control what happened long-term, but I could focus on being a good example. I shifted my focus from changing my husband to being the best person I could be.
  As for the tension, I realized--long after I should have-- that the adversary had more control over my family when I allowed anger, resentment, and fear into our home. My husband was still the person I had fallen in love with and married, and I needed to stop punishing him. So I relaxed a little, rarely showing my disappointment, and when the hurt inside seemed unbearable, I became familiar with the distance from my pain to my knees.
  During this time, my cousin, his wife, and their daughter relocated to our area. My cousin’s wife and I became very close. At one point she shared intimate feelings with me about their experience losing a baby girl at an almost full-term pregnancy. While I couldn’t say, “I know how you feel,” I could tell her what I knew about the plan of happiness. I hoped that she would feel that what I was saying was true. She did. She joined the Church, and her husband, who was already a member, became active again. They were sealed a year following her baptism. I sobbed through the entire ceremony.	
  I felt as if my body were split in two. One half of me was doing backflips for them--I was so happy! But the other half was full of confusion: How was this happening so quickly for them? Had I not been working hard enough? Was this ever going to happen for my family?
  We wanted to have another child, and I became pregnant--but then I miscarried. The pain in my heart seemed almost impossible to bear. Meanwhile (and unbeknownst to me), my husband’s interest in the Church was growing. He had begun studying various events in Church history and was listening to recordings about the lives of modern-day prophets. Things were changing, little by little.
  But I was too consumed in the pain of my loss to notice. Even though my pregnancy wasn’t very far along when I miscarried, the experience was difficult emotionally and physically and left me feeling weak, tired, and numb. I distanced myself from my husband. I heard a continuing dialogue in my mind of what I would say to him if he asked me about my feelings, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about my desire for an eternal family only to be disappointed again. I needed spiritual support that I feared he was not ready to offer.
  He knew something was very wrong and asked me one day to share my feelings. The tears flowed freely as I poured out the desires of my heart. I said to him, “I want you to go to the temple when you’re ready, but I need to know if you are with me on this or not, because I don’t know if I can do this much longer.”
  The hurt on his face pierced me. He said, “When I followed the ambulance to the hospital when we lost the baby, I prayed more than I ever have in my whole life. And I’ve thought more about going to the temple in the last few months than I ever have. But sometimes I just don’t know if I can make you happy because your expectations are so high.” And then he left the room.
  I suddenly felt the weight of what I had imposed on him. I reflected on the previous years that I held him to my standards instead of being satisfied with the pace that he was capable of maintaining. I thought about how many times I had silently punished him when I should have put my arms around him lovingly.
  He came to me later and told me how much he loved me and that all he could promise was that he’d do his best. From then on I happily let him do just that. Before I knew it, we were sitting in the bishop’s office sharing our goals.
  We were sealed in the temple on November 26, 2005, and it was beautiful. Our sons were reverent yet bubbling over with excitement. Even our two-year-old radiated the knowledge that something really special was happening. Seeing them joined with us in the sealing brought tears to everyone in the room.
  In retrospect, I realize that the timing was just what our family needed it to be. My husband was thinking about spiritual things a lot sooner--and a lot more--than I thought he was. We both wanted the same good things for our family.
  My testimony of the Lord’s temples and the ordinances performed there is stronger than ever. I am grateful that our family now has eternal opportunities. What I feel after our experience exceeds all the joy I ever imagined for us. 
My husband had followed the ambulance to the hospital, full of love and concern for me. Could that love also help him follow the path that would take our family to the temple?

;;;Standing before Carl Bloch’s Painting Christ Healing the Sick at the Pool of Bethesda
BY SHARON PRICE ANDERSON

In the house of mercy,
Compassion, larger than life,
more powerful than
angel-troubled waters,
lifts the veil of illness,
impotence, strengthens
heart and legs, and
after thirty-eight infirm years,
makes them whole.

In Sabbath grace
Thou callest me
from my multitude of fears
to come from beneath
the cover of disbelief
into Thy healing light.
Heeding Thy command,
Rise, take up thy bed,
I will walk.

;;;Learning from Conference
Do you want to make the messages and spirit of general conference a regular part of your life? Read how these members are doing it.
       In his closing remarks at the 177th Annual General Conference in April 2007, President Gordon B. Hinckley told members of the Church: “We hope that you will use the May edition of the Church magazines as a text for your family home evenings, to review that which has been spoken in this conference. What has been said by each of the speakers represents his or her prayerful attempt to impart knowledge that will inspire and cause all who have heard it to stand a little taller and be a little better” (Ensign, May 2007, 105). Here, members share how they have implemented that counsel and found additional ways to learn from general conference.

Putting the Lessons to Use Immediately
  Our 10-year-old daughter, Rachel, was in charge of the family home evening lesson the Monday following the April 2007 general conference. She asked me what she should teach the family, and I suggested she choose something we learned over the weekend. She said she remembered Elder David A. Bednar’s talk about making pickles (“Ye Must Be Born Again,” Ensign, May 2007, 19), and although the text of the conference talk was not yet available online, we brainstormed together to remember the message of the “Parable of the Pickle.” 
  That night Rachel taught a great lesson about being truly converted. Using Elder Bednar’s analogy, we discussed what happens to a cucumber that is merely dunked--not immersed--and how that relates to our lives and relationship with the Savior. Even our youngest daughter, who is three, paid attention because she loves pickles. 
  My wife and I were excited to see that our children did pay attention while watching conference and that we had found a way to put it to use in our lives the next day. We are thankful for living apostles and prophets who teach in ways that help all of us learn and understand.
Trevor Hansen, Arizona

Studying and Discussing
  With our busy lives and schedules, preparing a lesson for family home evening every week is sometimes challenging. When our two youngest children were still at home--both of them teenagers--we started using the general conference talks for our weekly family home evening lessons. I order enough copies of the May and November Ensign magazine for each family member to have a personal copy. We take turns choosing the talk to focus on, independently read the talk we’ve selected for the week, highlight the parts that impress us, and then discuss the talk as our lesson. The person who chose the talk leads the discussion and closes with his or her testimony. We then choose the talk for the following week. 
  This approach has completely taken away the last-minute panic of deciding what to do for family home evening and has led to many tender moments for us. It has truly been a blessing to our family and a way to help us remember and apply the messages of general conference. 
Christy White, Utah
Note: A 14-issue subscription to the Ensign is available at www.ldscatalog.com. This subscription includes 12 monthly issues of the Ensign plus one extra copy of the May and November issues (which include the talks delivered at general conference), for a total of 14 issues. You can also purchase single copies of the Ensign at this site.

Hearing the Voice of the Messenger
  I have had the privilege of sharing family home evening for the past two years with two other single sisters in my ward. We use both the conference DVD and the conference edition of the Ensign as the basis for our lessons. Each Monday we watch one talk from the DVD and then discuss the message. (We take turns from week to week in leading the discussion.)
  In doing this, we are able to concentrate on one message at a time. Because we are not only discussing the message but also listening to the voice of the messenger and to the music of that conference session, we get so much more out of our family home evenings than we previously have!
  Although I listen carefully when I attend conference, I find it difficult to assimilate all of the information, gospel principles, and life lessons at once. Our family home evening format helps us learn the things our General Authorities are teaching “line upon line, precept upon precept” (2 Nephi 28:30) during the six months that follow each conference. 
Julie Junod, Arizona

Helping Children Learn from Conference
  Our family enjoyed experiencing general conference together this year. On Saturday we attended both sessions at our branch meetinghouse. On Sunday we watched the sessions at home via the Web site LDS.org.
  I wanted to find something that would help our children, ages six and four, pay attention to what the speakers were saying. With a little online searching in the Gospel Library, I found a conference word sheet activity (see Hilary Hendricks and Kathy Chatfield, “Listen to Our Leaders,” Friend, Apr. 2002, 24). The children and I listened carefully for the words on our lists, making a check mark each time we heard a particular word. Our children enjoyed the game and were excited every time they heard a familiar word. I was amazed at how much they enjoyed paying attention and listening to our leaders. As I helped them listen for words and noticed which ones received the most check marks, I also understood better the basic message of each talk. 
Jenifer Fugal, Michigan

Using Talks in Family Home Evening
  In the April 2007 conference, Elder Richard G. Scott gave a talk about prayer (“Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2007, 8). He spoke in simple terms that even our young children understood. Elder Scott’s talk was particularly meaningful to us since we had a chance to meet him a few years ago at our stake conference. 
  Following general conference, we had a family home evening with our extended family, including a less-active family member. The lesson focused on Elder Scott’s talk, and it was a wonderful, engaging experience for us. We look forward to using more conference talks as topical discussions in both our individual and extended family home evenings.
Jim Worden, California

Writing Down Key Words
  Chinese is my native language, but I watched conference in English this year. I tried my best to write down key words that would remind me of what I had heard and, more important, what I had felt. These phrases have served as a helpful reminder in the weeks following general conference.
  Even after conference is over, I love listening to conference addresses again and again. In the past I’ve purchased the DVDs, sometimes in Chinese, sometimes in English. Regardless of which language I’m listening in, my heart is always touched. Each time, my faith improves, and my testimony grows. 
Pei Yi (Belinda) Norberg, Utah

Acting Out the Story
  With two toddler children, my husband and I often find that family home evening can be challenging. The children have a difficult time sitting quietly to hear scriptures or stories for very long. As we attempted to read the story of Joseph F. Smith’s dream from President Hinckley’s priesthood talk (see “I Am Clean,” Ensign, May 2007, 60-62), things seemed to be as chaotic as ever. 
  Then we decided to have the children act out the story as my husband read it. We went into the bathroom and showed them the bathtub and talked about how Joseph F. Smith washed himself clean. They liked uncovering the “bundle” I had made and finding the white shirt I had placed inside. We talked about how repentance makes our spirits clean like the white shirt. Our daughter enjoyed putting on the shirt and knocking at the front door to find “Joseph Smith” (me) there. She was happy to report that she was “clean.”
  It was a lot of fun to participate together, and my husband and I enjoyed teaching the children. We were able to focus less on trying to keep the children quiet and more on teaching gospel principles.
Rebekah Jakeman, Utah

Creating Reminder Notes
  I used to take extensive notes during conference, but I decided this wasn’t effective since the talks are printed in the Ensign. Instead of concentrating on writing down every point that is made, I now use a couple of note cards to jot down the promptings I feel while I am listening to the counsel of the General Authorities. I keep the cards in small page holders near my computer monitor. That way, I see them daily and am reminded that it’s not just what we know or how we feel during conference but what we do to apply it that matters. Keeping these reminder notes has helped me form better habits based on the promptings I feel.
Karen Tibbitts, California

Listening Frequently
  I love general conference! Yet with two young children, concentrating during 10 hours over a weekend can be a challenge for my wife and me, although we try. One thing that helps me internalize the messages is downloading the talks to my digital music player and listening to them as I commute to work, exercise, or do tasks around the house. Many moments of inspiration have come in those ordinary contexts. Recently I was doing the dishes as I listened to Elder Henry B. Eyring’s talk “This Day” (Ensign, May 2007, 89), and I felt impressed that I needed to stop complaining about a certain trial I had been facing. I’ve sought to heed that impression. Another time, following the October 2006 general conference, I was jogging through the park listening to Elder Robert D. Hales’s talk “Holy Scriptures: The Power of God unto Our Salvation.” One of Elder Hales’s comments particularly stood out to me: “When we want to speak to God, we pray. And when we want Him to speak to us, we search the scriptures” (Ensign, Nov. 2006, 26-27). This has stayed with me and affected the way I think about my scripture study.
  General conference talks are a source of inspiration to me and invite the Spirit into my life--even long after the closing session’s benediction.
David Evans, California

Uniting Extended Family
  While two of my five siblings are still at home and still participate in weekly family home evenings with Mom and Dad, the rest of us are now married and living throughout the United States, and we conduct our own family home evenings. But twice a year, to reinforce the important lessons of general conference and to unite the members of our family, even in spite of distance, my parents hold “Conference Review.” 
  The text for each of these meetings is the most recent general conference edition of the Ensign. Each household chooses a talk to study, apply, and teach to the rest of the family. To present our lessons to one another, we get together via speaker phone, e-mail, or video conference, depending on what circumstances allow. If we are really lucky, we sit down together in Mom and Dad’s living room.
  Each presentation is unique to the family giving it. We have told stories, solved puzzles, played games, and studied scriptures as part of Conference Review. 
  During our most recent review, my seven-year-old sister held up pictures of cucumbers and pickles as she taught us about pickling. Then my fourteen-year-old sister explained how each of those steps applies to the conversion process. Through this, we learned more about the doctrine that Elder David A. Bednar taught (see “Ye Must Be Born Again,” Ensign, May 2007, 19). At the same review, my sister and brother-in-law used “The Tongue of Angels,” given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, to remind us of the power of our words (see Ensign, May 2007, 16). They then provided each of us with envelopes addressed to other members of our family and challenged us to write notes of gratitude and kind words to one another. These are just two examples of how the tradition of Conference Review helps our family review, remember, and apply the teachings of general conference.
  Through this tradition we have grown closer as a family, shared our testimonies with one another, challenged each other to live the counsel given at each general conference, and increased our love for the Savior and His gospel. 
Tiffany Jean Costley Moore, Arizona
Note: Many of the general conference resources mentioned in this article--and others--are available for purchase online at www.ldscatalog.com. You can also find free text, audio, and video files of conference proceedings online at www.lds.org. 

HELPS FOR HOME EVENING
   1. Consider having a family member walk blindfolded across the room trying to avoid certain objects. Then repeat the same activity but have another family member tell the one blindfolded how to get around the objects. Explain how heeding the words of the prophet and apostles can guide us through our lives. 
   2. Using the examples from the article, list ways that your family can apply the lessons they learn from general conference in their daily lives.

;;;Literacy Improves Lives
Two Latter-day Saints share how learning to read and write changes lives.
 Throughout the world, people improve their own lives and the lives of others by learning basic literacy skills. 
A Love of Learning
  Shirley Florence Sainz, who was born in Mexico, tells the story of how her mother’s struggle to become literate became a blessing to others: 
  “When my mother, Anita Valenzuela Mendoza, was two years old, my grandfather died in a mining accident, leaving my grandmother with their eight children and little means to care for them. My grandmother could not read, write, or understand numbers.
  “When my mother was six years old, she had the privilege of attending school, though she did not have pencils, paper, or books. Nevertheless, she loved learning, so she embroidered napkins, swept the classroom, and brought in firewood as a way to earn paper. At home, my grandmother stitched the sheets of precious newsprint paper together into a notebook for my mother.
  “The teachers appreciated my mother’s eagerness. Overlooking her worn-out clothes and unruly hair, they nourished her hunger for knowledge. At the end of her elementary school years, the family of one of her schoolteachers offered my mother an opportunity for more schooling. However, she was unable to go, and her formal education ended.
  “Years later, when my mother was 27, her education blossomed when she met my father and he introduced her to the gospel. She loved learning through reading the scriptures. Relief Society also provided many opportunities for her to increase her knowledge.
  “My mother instilled a love for learning in me, and I have graduated from college and am an elementary schoolteacher myself. In two generations, our family has been greatly blessed because, as a young girl, my mother learned to read and write. Her literacy skills opened the door for her to understand and embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ. As a result, all of my mother’s posterity has been blessed.”
A Gospel Literacy Class
  Sister Sainz’s story is not unique. When people learn to read and write, they can grow in understanding of the gospel and bless the lives of others. Learning basic literacy skills helped Paul Imietehe of Nigeria, a convert to the Church, to better understand and share the gospel. He recalls:
  “I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Warri, Nigeria. My membership in the Church made me realize the need to learn to read and write. When my priesthood leaders extended assignments to me to give talks and say prayers, I would stay away from church. It was such a source of shame for me. 
  “When I moved to Abuja, I saw Church books and magazines, and I felt a strong need to know how to read and write. I desired to read these publications that other members were reading and were happy about. Most of the Church members there gladly expressed themselves, sharing their testimonies of the gospel, and I wanted to be able to express the strong feelings I have of the truthfulness of the gospel. I knew then that I had to learn to read and write.
  “One Sunday I decided to attend the Sunday School gospel literacy class. On my first day in class, I saw that the other students were mainly sisters and younger boys. I was the only adult man in the class. I was tempted to leave, but my strong desire to learn kept me there. Our teacher encouraged each of us to participate in reading from the gospel literacy manual and from the scriptures.
  “I put much effort into learning to read. I read the scriptures and Church magazines. My understanding improved when I was called as second counselor in the Idu Branch Sunday School presidency. Initially, I was doubtful about my abilities. But as I was set apart, the branch president pronounced a blessing that I would have the ability to magnify the calling. During the setting apart, I had a feeling of confidence.
  “Two weeks later, I was given the assignment to teach adult Sunday School. Although I worried about my abilities, I prepared all week long when I returned home from work and even during my break at work. When Sunday came and it was time to teach, I said a short silent prayer and asked Heavenly Father to lead me. When I opened my mouth to speak, I was surprised that the words just flowed. I thought I would stammer but did not. 
  “Most of the class members are more educated than I am, but their responses and the expressions on their faces encouraged me. I felt at peace throughout the class.
  “Gospel literacy has built in me a strong desire to improve my formal education. It has also helped me understand the gospel better and made me better able to serve others.
  “I am a sculptor by vocation and am working with a construction company, where I use my woodworking skills. In Nigeria, we have a proverb that says, ‘The axe we use in tearing wood is so important we carry it with two hands and rest it on our shoulder.’ The axe is too important to set down. That’s how I feel about the Church and gospel literacy. I carry them with my two hands and my shoulder and cannot put them down.
  “I am thankful for my branch leaders who encouraged me to learn, especially Brother Lawrence Monyei, my gospel literacy teacher.”
  Brother Imietehe learned to read and write in his gospel literacy class, and as a result his confidence grew and his testimony of the gospel became stronger. He has since blessed the lives of many members of his branch.
Can You Help?
  The gospel literacy student manual, Ye Shall Have My Words (item no. 34476), is available in English, French, Portuguese, and Spanish. Those who could benefit most from it cannot read these words. Can you help them? 
WE CAN HELP
“I have done a little study on literacy in the world. A billion of the [six] billion people on earth cannot read or write. . . . What a tragedy--what a stark, miserable, and dark tragedy. To not be able to read, to understand, to write--what a tragedy. We can help to lift this curse. Things can be brought to pass to change this intolerable condition.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley, Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley (1997), 314.

My grandmother Carmen Mendoza could not read or write,” says Shirley Sainz, who has a college degree. “In two generations, our family has been greatly blessed because, as a young girl in Mexico, my mother learned to read and write.” Above, standing: Shirley’s mother, Anita; Uncle Anselmo. Seated: Shirley’s grandmother Carmen Mendoza; Anselmo’s wife, Delfina, and their two children.

Paul Imietehe, a Nigerian sculptor, says, “Gospel literacy has built in me a strong desire to improve my formal education. It has also helped me understand the gospel better and made me better able to serve others.”

;;;Holiday Tips for Military Families
  When Elizabeth Lewis was serving in the U.S. military in Alaska during Christmas, she turned to her Alaskan ward for support. “Participating in the Relief Society’s Christmas activity deepened the holiday spirit in my heart,” she says. “I spent Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with another. The ward members were truly like my family. E-mailing the pictures of the celebrations to my husband back home in Nebraska lessened the distance that separated us. When I returned home, my husband and I celebrated as if it were Christmas Day. That year I received the gift of two Christmases.”
  Sister Lewis is one of many women and men in the military who find themselves temporally separated from their families. The following are suggestions from her and others that can help bring joy and peace during the holiday season to military personnel and their families.
  1. Strive to draw closer to the Savior. This increases your spirituality and results in positive experiences for the entire family.
  2. Consider using telephone calls, e-mail, and other forms of Internet and Web cam communication so that the family member who has been deployed can participate in scripture study, family prayers, and family home evening. 
  3. Display pictures of the loved one who is away. This can help young children stay connected to their parent.
  4. Families at home can build friendships with ward members throughout the year, especially if they have children of similar ages. These friendships can provide support beyond the holidays.
  5. Continue to observe family traditions or create new ones that involve the family member who is away.
  6. Lose yourself in service. This is a great way to dispel the blues during the holidays or any time.
  7. If you are the deployed parent, communicate frequently with each of your children one-on-one.
  8. Set up decorations while deployed. They foster the Christmas spirit and will remind you of Christ’s love and the joy He wants you to feel during this season.
  Remember the true reason we celebrate Christmas--the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. As you rejoice at His birth and ponder the significance of His Atonement, you will find that you can enjoy the holiday season even though you may be apart from loved ones. 
One family sent their soldier a Christmas tree made from paper. He hung it up, and everyone decorated it with family pictures.

;;;M. Teichert: Artist of Dramatic Vision
  When Latter-day Saint artist Minerva Teichert attended the Art Institute of Chicago and the Art Students League of New York in the early 1900s, mural paintings and theatrical pageants were dynamic components of American popular culture. Young Minerva embraced these popular art forms and used their dramatic style to tell the stories of her religious heritage and the American West.
  Though Minerva had grown up in rural Cokeville, Wyoming, drama, theater, and cinema had played a significant role in her life. Her love of these art forms continued after she left home. In Chicago she studied drama and dance along with her visual art studies. In New York she helped earn her tuition by performing rope tricks and Native American dances.
  Minerva became captivated by the educational potential of large murals in public buildings and their capacity to be seen by great numbers of people from a distance. During Minerva’s studies in New York, noted American realist painter Robert Henri challenged her to paint the “great Mormon story.” With that goal she painted many theatrical depictions of Mormon pioneers, the West, and Book of Mormon scenes.
  Forty-seven of Minerva Teichert’s large-scale narrative murals are on display at the Brigham Young University Museum of Art in Provo, Utah, from July 27, 2007, through May 26, 2008. Copies of some of these murals and large-scale paintings follow.

Touch Me Not, 1939, oil on canvas, 76 1/2 x 59 3/4 inches 
  “Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God” (John 20:17).

Handcart Pioneers at the Waterfall, circa 1940, oil on canvas, 77 x 49 inches
  Between 1856 and 1860, 10 handcart companies crossed the American plains from Iowa to the Salt Lake Valley. Handcarts were a less expensive and faster mode of travel than covered wagons and were used to help the increasing number of emigrants from England and Scandinavia travel to Zion. 

Love Story, 1950-51, oil on masonite, 36 x 48 inches
  “And it came to pass thatI, Nephi, took one of the daughters of Ishmael to wife; and also, my brethren took of the daughters of Ishmael to wife; and also Zoram took the eldest daughter of Ishmael to wife” (1 Nephi 16:7).

Return of Captive Israel, 1945, oil on canvas, 53 1/2 x 90 inches 
  After the Jews had been held in captivity for 70 years in Babylon, “the Lord stirred up the spirit of Cyrus king of Persia,” and the king allowed the Jews to return to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple.
  King Cyrus said: “Let the men of his place help him with silver, and with gold, and with goods, and with beasts, beside the freewill offering for the house of God that is in Jerusalem. . . .
  “All the vessels of gold and of silver were five thousand and four hundred. And these did Sheshbazzar [the prince of Judah] bring up with them of the captivity that were brought up from Babylon unto Jerusalem” (Ezra 1:1, 4, 11).

An Angel Appears to Alma and the Sons of Mosiah, 1950-51, oil on masonite, 36 x 48 inches
  “Now the sons of Mosiah were numbered among the  unbelievers; and also one of the sons of Alma. . . . 
  “. . . Behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto them; and he descended as it were in a cloud; and he spake as it were with a voice of thunder, which caused the earth to shake upon which they stood;
  “And so great was their astonishment, that they fell to the earth” (Mosiah 27:8, 11-12).

Get Ye Up into the High Mountain, O Zion, 1949, oil on canvas, 42 x 60 inches
  Music has always been an important part of the Latter-day Saint experience. The Lord said, “My soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads” (D&C 25:12). 

;;;Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction
BY ELDER JEFFREY R. HOLLAND
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
You have a loved one or friend who struggles with same-gender attraction and asks for your help. What do you say? What can you do?

  A pleasant young man in his early 20s sat   across from me. He had an engaging smile, although he didn’t smile often during our talk. What drew me in was the pain in his eyes.
  “I don’t know if I should remain a member of the Church,” he said. “I don’t think I’m worthy.”
  “Why wouldn’t you be worthy?” I asked.
  “I’m gay.”
  I suppose he thought I would be startled. I wasn’t. “And . . . ?” I inquired.
  A flicker of relief crossed his face as he sensed my continued interest. “I’m not attracted to women. I’m attracted to men. I’ve tried to ignore these feelings or change them, but . . .”
  He sighed. “Why am I this way? The feelings are very real.”
  I paused, then said, “I need a little more information before advising you. You see, same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is--just as it would be with heterosexual feelings. Do you violate the law of chastity?”
  He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”
  This time I was relieved. “Thank you for wanting to deal with this,” I said. “It takes courage to talk about it, and I honor you for keeping yourself clean.
  “As for why you feel as you do, I can’t answer that question. A number of factors may be involved, and they can be as different as people are different. Some things, including the cause of your feelings, we may never know in this life. But knowing why you feel as you do isn’t as important as knowing you have not transgressed. If your life is in harmony with the commandments, then you are worthy to serve in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with the members, attend the temple, and receive all the blessings of the Savior’s Atonement.”
  He sat up a little straighter. I continued, “You serve yourself poorly when you identify yourself primarily by your sexual feelings. That isn’t your only characteristic, so don’t give it disproportionate attention. You are first and foremost a son of God, and He loves you.
  “What’s more, I love you. My Brethren among the General Authorities love you. I’m reminded of a comment President Boyd K. Packer made in speaking to those with same-gender attraction. ‘We do not reject you,’ he said. ‘We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not reject you, because we love you.’ ”1
  We talked for another 30 minutes or so. Knowing I could not be a personal counselor to him, I directed him to his local priesthood leaders. Then we parted. I thought I detected a look of hope in his eyes that had not been there before. Although he yet faced challenges to work through--or simply endure--I had a feeling he would handle them well.
God Loveth His Children
  When an angel asked Nephi a question about God, Nephi answered, “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:17). I too affirm that God loves all His children and acknowledge that many questions, including some related to same-gender attraction, must await a future answer, perhaps in the next life.
  Unfortunately, some people believe they have all the answers now and declare their opinions far and wide. Fortunately, such people do not speak for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  Although I believe members are eager to extend compassion to those different from themselves, it is human nature that when confronted with a situation we don’t understand, we tend to withdraw. This is particularly true of same-gender attraction. We have so little reliable information about it that those wanting to help are left feeling a bit unsteady. Admitting my own inadequacy in this regard but wanting to assist, let me offer some suggestions to help those who have loved ones or friends who are attracted to the same gender.
Our Father’s Plan of Happiness
  First, let’s be absolutely clear on what God wants for each of us. He wants us to have all of the blessings of eternal life. He wants us to become like Him. To help us do that, He has given us a plan. This plan is based on eternal truths and is not altered according to the social trends of the day.
  At the heart of this plan is the begetting of children, one of the crucial reasons Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden (see 2 Nephi 2:19-25; Moses 5:10-12). They were commanded to “be fruitful, and multiply” (Moses 2:28), and they chose to keep that commandment. We are to follow them in marrying and providing physical bodies for Heavenly Father’s spirit children. Obviously, a same-gender relationship is inconsistent with this plan.
  For various reasons, marriage and children are not immediately available to all. Perhaps no offer of marriage is forthcoming. Perhaps even after marriage there is an inability to have children. Or perhaps there is no present attraction to the opposite gender. Whatever the reason, God’s richest blessings will eventually be available to all of His children if they are clean and faithful.
  Through the exercise of faith, individual effort, and reliance upon the power of the Atonement, some may resolve same-gender attraction in mortality and marry. Others, however, may never be free of same-gender attraction in this life.
  As fellow Church members, families, and friends, we need to recognize that those attracted to the same gender face some unique restrictions regarding expression of their feelings. While same-gender attraction is real, there must be no physical expression of this attraction. The desire for physical gratification does not authorize immorality by anyone. Such feelings can be powerful, but they are never so strong as to deprive anyone of the freedom to choose worthy conduct.
  In saying this, let me make it clear that attractions alone, troublesome as they may be, do not make one unworthy. The First Presidency has stated, “There is a distinction between immoral thoughts and feelings and participating in either immoral heterosexual or any homosexual behavior.”2 If you do not act on temptations, you have not transgressed.
  The failure to see that distinction sometimes leads to despair. I ache for those who do not understand that every blessing offered by God is available to anyone who obeys the laws upon which those blessings are predicated (see D&C 130:20-21). No one who lives the gospel should despair. Hope and peace come from the Comforter, and the answer to despair is to invite the Holy Ghost into our lives.
Ways to Help
  Let’s assume you are the family member or friend of someone with same-gender attraction who comes to you for help. What do you say? What do you do?
  I’d begin by recognizing the courage that brought your son, daughter, sibling, or friend to you. I’d recognize the trust that person has extended. Discussing the issue with someone of trust is a healthy first step to dealing with confusing feelings, and it is imperative that these first steps be met with compassion.
  Next, if you are a parent of one with same-gender attraction, don’t assume you are the reason for those feelings. No one, including the one struggling, should try to shoulder blame. Nor should anyone place blame on another--including God. Walk by faith, and help your loved one deal the best he or she can with this challenge.
  In doing so, recognize that marriage is not an all-purpose solution. Same-gender attractions run deep, and trying to force a heterosexual relationship is not likely to change them. We are all thrilled when some who struggle with these feelings are able to marry, raise children, and achieve family happiness. But other attempts have resulted in broken hearts and broken homes.
  Above all, keep your lines of communication open. Open communication between parents and children is a clear expression of love, and pure love, generously expressed, can transform family ties. But love for a family member does not extend to condoning unrighteous behavior. Your children are welcome to stay in your home, of course, but you have every right to exclude from your dwelling any behavior that offends the Spirit of the Lord.
The Garden Principle
  Next, consider a principle learned in gardening. Someone said that if we plant a garden with good seed, there will not be so much need of the hoe. Likewise, if we fill our lives with spiritual nourishment, we can more easily gain control over inclinations. This means creating a positive environment in our homes in which the Spirit is abundantly evident. A positive environment includes consistent private and public worship, prayer, fasting, scripture reading, service, and exposure to uplifting conversation, music, literature, and other media.
  This same environment extends to experiences at church. Some with same-gender attractions have unresolved fears and are offended at church when no offense is intended. On the other hand, some members exclude from their circle of fellowship those who are different. When our actions or words discourage someone from taking full advantage of Church membership, we fail them--and the Lord. The Church is made stronger as we include every member and strengthen one another in service and love (see D&C 84:110).
  You may feel prompted to encourage the one you are trying to help to visit with a priesthood leader who holds the keys of inspired counsel. Please do so, knowing that the First Presidency has asked Church leaders to discuss these matters confidentially and in a spirit of Christlike love.3
In the Lord’s Hands
  Not long ago I received a letter from a man in his early 30s who struggles with same-gender attraction. His struggle has not been easy, and he has not yet married. But, he wrote, “the Lord has helped me face my current circumstances, and I am content to do my best and leave my life in His hands.”
  I weep with admiration and respect at the faith and courage of such a man who is living with a challenge I have never faced. I love him and the thousands like him, male or female, who “fight the good fight” (1 Timothy 6:12). I commend his attitude to all who struggle with--or who are helping others who struggle with--same-gender attraction. 
NOTES
1. “Ye Are the Temple of God,” Liahona, Jan. 2001, 87; Ensign, Nov. 2000, 74.
2. First Presidency letter, Nov. 14, 1991.
3. See First Presidency letter, Nov. 14, 1991.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
Some of the ideas and language in this article come from a booklet prepared by the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for those attracted to the same gender. It is titled God Loveth His Children (item no. 04824). If the booklet is available in your language, you can obtain a copy from your local distribution center or download it from www .lds.org/same-gender-attraction.

;;;Lessons from the New Testament
“I Will Not Leave You Comfortless”
BY ELDER CECIL O. SAMUELSON JR.
Of the Seventy

The Lord’s promise that we can be truly comforted is more significant than we know.

  All of us who believe in Jesus Christ take some consolation in the assurances of the Savior that He will assist us in times of need--that He will bring us comfort. While we accept this basic assertion, we may also be a little like His initial Apostles who, while believing in Him, were confused or unsure about what some of His teachings really meant in their everyday lives. Stated another way, even the Apostles were uncomfortable sometimes.
  As Jesus began to teach His followers about the necessity of His leaving them for a time, their discomfort increased. Sensing this, He made specific promises to them that He would eventually return and also that He would provide them with a “Comforter” in His absence (see John 14:16-18).
  Members of the Church in our day receive a similar promise as we partake of the sacrament weekly. We reverently partake of the bread in remembrance of the body of the Son and witness to Heavenly Father that we are willing to take upon us the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, with the promise we make to always remember Him and keep His commandments. If we do so, then we have the promise in return that we “may always have his Spirit to be with [us]” (D&C 20:77). In my judgment, this is real comfort!
  Most of us don’t dispute the principle or even its promise. Rather, we accept it but also may worry about how to really and reliably cause it to happen in our lives. We can narrow the gap between our doctrinal understandings and our personal applications of the doctrine. What I suggest will likely be helpful with any number of these kinds of issues, but I want to discuss what we can do to realize the Savior’s promise “I will not leave you comfortless” (John 14:18).
Qualifying for Spiritual Comfort
  In recent training meetings with General Authorities, President James E. Faust talked about the necessity of our leaders having the Spirit to guide them. What he said also should apply to each of us. He made some suggestions about how we can more surely qualify to receive the blessings of the Spirit or to be spiritually comforted.
   First, we need to live so that we can merit the guidance of the Spirit. This means that we need to repent regularly of the mistakes we make and the sins we commit so that we are not living with unresolved issues that impede spiritual promptings.
  For many of our missteps, our repentance can be private or limited to those we have injured. For particularly serious offenses, it is necessary that we confess to our bishop and seek his assistance in the necessary repentance process. The inspired order of the first principles and ordinances of the gospel found in the fourth article of faith reminds us that faith and repentance not only precede the ordinances of baptism and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost but also must come before the remission of sins is possible and before constant ministrations of the Spirit in our daily lives can occur.
   Second, we must never be complacent but must always try harder. I am not suggesting that we should become victims of perfectionism, which can by itself be debilitating. I am suggesting that each of us really can do better in most areas of our lives as we attempt to keep our thoughts and actions more consistent with the Savior’s example and direction for us.
   Third, we need to exercise more faith. President Faust used the example of the children of Israel led by Joshua who were required to carry the Ark of the Covenant across the Jordan River. The miracle of holding back the water so that they could pass on dry ground with the Ark of the Covenant did not occur until the soles of their feet actually touched the water (see Joshua 3:13). Exercising faith is not easy work, and we are prone to forget that achieving the benefits of faith actually requires that we exercise faith.
   Fourth, we need to purge ourselves of personal aggrandizement. In other words, we need to do what is right because it is right and not to bring attention or undue credit to ourselves. Remember the Savior’s counsel on giving alms: “But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly” (Matthew 6:3-4). We need to do the right things for the right reasons.
   Fifth, we must beware of pride and flattery. Satan knows that most are not likely to commit major crimes or even the most serious sins. But he also knows that most of us are easily tempted by pride or addicted to flattery. We must be careful to keep both feet on the ground.
   Sixth, we should be humble and submissive. This does not mean to be passive or “wobbly,” but it does mean that we should always remember this counsel: “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answers to thy prayers” (D&C 112:10).
   Seventh, we should always try to do that which is good for others, including praying for and serving them. Remember that the Golden Rule is old but not outdated!
   Eighth, we need to learn to enjoy the fruits of the Spirit. I believe you know how you feel when you have really prayed but then also have really listened and pondered. You know how you have felt when you have borne testimony and it has touched another life as well as your own. You know how good you feel when you are able to go to the temple with your life right and your heart turned to the Lord and the Spirit. If you carefully evaluate your life and your experience, you will be surprised to recognize how often and how significantly you have been blessed by the interventions of the Holy Ghost.
   Ninth, we should do works of righteousness. I could give you examples or applications, but you already know what they are. Begin modestly with more regular scripture study, even if for only a few minutes a day. If you do not pay fast offerings regularly, resolve to do so even if you can afford to give only the cost of an apple or an egg. When you begin to think a little, your list of righteous works that you can really accomplish now will grow in an amazing fashion.
  I would caution us all to avoid making this too complicated. It really is not! You usually know what it is you need to do when you carefully and prayerfully think through the process of obtaining the direction of the Spirit.
Discerning Promptings
  The question that we might often have, which I believe is not only understandable but also honorable, is “How can I really know when I am being directed or led by the Spirit?” You will know as you become more closely familiar with the ministrations of the Holy Spirit. It is possible, however, to be confused on occasion, even with the best of intentions. I invite your careful consideration of the suggestions President Faust made. If your life and your heart are right, you can be more comfortable that you are on the right track.
  Let me also offer a test you might apply as you seek guidance on a particular matter or as you feel impressions coming, even when you did not consciously seek them. While you may still have questions after you apply these four criteria, you will be able to know when feelings have not come from the proper source. If the answer to the four questions that I suggest you apply to your promptings is always yes, then you can continue to pray, ponder, and seek confirmation until you are finally sure. If the answer to any of the four questions is no, then you can have confidence that the feeling you have had is not from the Holy Ghost.
   1. Is the feeling or impression you have consistent with the pronouncements of the Lord found in the scriptures? The Lord has given us wonderful and extensive guidance in the scriptures. Because the focus of these inspired writings is on doctrine and principle, the specific application is usually left with us. For example, we know that keeping the Sabbath Day holy is a commandment, but how we do it, in part--and even in some places in the world, when we do it--is left to our best judgment. We need to know the doctrines well and be exposed to them regularly so that we are not misled. Most individuals who believe that they have doctrinal issues with the Church do not really know the doctrine!
   2. Is your inspiration consistent with the statements and counsel of the living prophets? It is a serious mistake to take the counsel of living prophets lightly or to disregard it. We need to know what they have said and thus we have the responsibility to listen to general conference, read their words in the Church magazines, and pay attention to their statements and pronouncements. A rather common error made even by some who consider themselves faithful members is to say that “the Brethren really do not understand my circumstances and therefore their directions do not apply to me.” A much better approach is to have the attitude, “given the experience and closeness to the Lord of His servants, I will try to understand and apply to my own situation their counsel and direction.” When we take that approach, we will almost always understand and appreciate the wisdom of their direction in helping us avoid serious error.
   3. Is the prompting you feel consistent with your own area of responsibility? It is a too common misjudgment to develop feelings or express opinions that are outside the scope of our own stewardship. A bishop receives revelation only for his ward, not another. Only the President of the Church receives the Lord’s direction for the entire Church. A father and mother are entitled to divine direction related to their own family, but the neighbors are not instructed through them. We will frequently see others’ mistakes and achievements--as they will see ours--but revelation is always restricted to our own proper sphere.
   4. Have you respected the agency of others? On occasion we may receive promptings that affect us and may also involve others. This opens the potential for confusion unless we clearly understand the doctrines and principles of agency and revelation. As missionaries, many of us have felt prompted that certain investigators know what we have taught is true and that they should accept baptism and confirmation. This is a sweet experience that often inspires us to work and pray harder to assist the investigators with their challenges. Ultimately, however, the investigator must also receive the impression and act on it. However impressive the spiritual feelings of the missionary, the investigator must experience the “mighty change of heart” for the conversion to really occur. Missionaries are required to provide the environment in part and share their testimonies, but they are not authorized to dictate individual decisions or impose their own impressions that would violate the agency of another.
Patience in Progress
  A few passages of scripture may help us in our thinking. The Lord has said, “I will hasten my work in its time” (D&C 88:73). He has also said, “But all things must come to pass in their time” (D&C 64:32). We need to hasten when we can but must also recognize the need for patience in our progress. Likewise, we need to prioritize and appropriately stretch ourselves as we strive to improve but also remember the Lord’s counsel that you “do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided” (D&C 10:4).
  The Lord’s promise that we can be truly comforted is more significant than we know. The gift of the Holy Ghost is one of the fruits of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ that can make a reality of our plea:
Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.
(“I Am a Child of God,” Hymns, no. 301) 

HELPS FOR HOME EVENING
   1. Display a bowl of sugar and a bowl of salt. As a family, list ways to determine which is which. Compare this list with the four questions in the section “Discerning Promptings.” Have family members share how they can know when the Spirit is influencing them.
   2. Have family members draw or share examples of times when they have felt the influence of the Spirit. Invite all to share their experiences. Bear your testimony of the importance of expressing gratitude for spiritual experiences.

;;;Visiting Teaching Message
Become an Instrument in the Hands of God by Preparing for the Second Coming of Our Lord
Prayerfully select and read from this message the scriptures and teachings that meet the needs of the sisters you visit. Share your experiences and testimony. Invite those you teach to do the same.
How Can I Prepare for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ?
   D&C 38:30: “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.”
   Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Four matters are indisputable to Latter-day Saints: (1) The Savior will return to the earth in power and great glory to reign personally during a millennium of righteousness and peace. (2) At the time of His coming there will be a destruction of the wicked and a resurrection of the righteous. (3) No one knows the time of His coming, but (4) the faithful are taught to study the signs of it and to be prepared for it. . . .  We need to make both temporal and spiritual preparation for the events prophesied at the time of the Second Coming” (“Preparation for the Second Coming,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2004, 7, 9).
   Kathleen H. Hughes, former first counselor in the Relief Society general presidency: “‘Ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great’ (D&C 64:[33]; emphasis added). . . . The great work we wish to do will proceed from ‘small things.’ One of those small things, I have learned, is that I must find the time to fill my own spiritual reservoir each day” (“Out of Small Things,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2004, 109).
   Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “The Lord expects us to be as faithful, as devoted, as courageous as those who went before us. They were called to give their lives for the gospel. We are called to live our lives for the same purpose. . . . All dispensations prepared the way for the first coming of the Lord and His Atonement. Similarly, history and prophecy laid the groundwork for the Restoration of the gospel through the Prophet Joseph Smith. Do we have eyes to see that the events and prophecies of our time are preparing us for the Savior’s Second Coming?” (“Preparations for the Restoration and the Second Coming: ‘My Hand Shall Be over Thee,’” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2005, 91-92).
How Can I Be an Instrument in the Hands of God in Helping Others Prepare?
   D&C 34:6: “Lift up your voice . . . and cry repentance . . . , preparing the way of the Lord for his second coming.”
   President Spencer W. Kimball (1895-1985): “To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home--which is society’s basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife” (“Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 103). 

;;;Questions and Answers
I recently married, and I don’t relate to my in-laws very well. How can I develop better relationships with them?
  There is no guarantee that your compatibility with your spouse will automatically transfer to his or her family. But over the last 35 years I have used some common-sense strategies that have helped me bridge that compatibility gap:
   -- Spend equal time and make equal efforts with both sides of the family. Nothing creates hard feelings faster than favoritism towards one side of the family. Discuss in advance how you will manage the holidays. During these times expectations are high and feelings can be sensitive. 
   -- Don’t be easily offended; better yet, don’t be offended at all. We all make mistakes, and within the family circle, these mistakes can be scrutinized and analyzed. Instead, give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Accept the fact that some relatives may always be late, some may never RSVP, and some may be tactless. It is better to accept them than to criticize. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
   -- Withhold harsh judgments. We cannot always know the burdens that others carry. I have found it beneficial to replace judgment with kindness and acceptance.
  It is best to minimize small differences; in the eternal scheme, relationships are more important than traditions. My in-laws love my husband, and so do I. That is the great commonality that brings us together. 
Cathy Brundage, Arizona
  If you have a Church calling similar to that of one of your in-laws, ask for their advice with a struggle you may be having in that calling. This kind of invitation can demonstrate humility on your part and can help your in-laws feel needed and respected. My in-laws can offer advice where my own parents cannot because of differences in their talents and varying life experiences. Seeking the advice of my in-laws has helped me grow closer to them and realize that they are in my life not only as the parents of my husband but also as friends.
Kaija Mortensen, California
  Like most newlyweds, we had some adjustments to make, but in addressing these, we made it a point to never speak ill of each other to either of our families; we knew that we would always forgive and love each other, but if we shared faults or disagreements with family members, they might not be so quick to forgive. Focusing on each other’s positive traits and attributes with our families instilled love in their hearts too. 
Michael C. and Susan J. McGhee, Maryland
  Realize that you are the new person trying to fit into a group that has known each other for years and that it may take a while. You will have to build trust with each other. Attend family events. When possible, invite others to come over for your special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays. Learn everyone’s names and who goes with whom. Be willing to listen to the stories others have to tell, and laugh with them. Never feel you have to top their tales.
Terrance D. Leder, Oregon
  One of the best things for developing my relationship with my in-laws was preparing for my wedding. My mother lived far away, so my future mother-in-law became my greatest help and support. While we didn’t always agree, we found a balance as we worked and spent time together. It’s a lot like getting to know new friends. Spend one-on-one time with them. Find out their interests, and you might find you have a lot in common. If you find you still don’t get along, focus on being kind and on loving and serving them.
Sarah Lee, Utah
  In my experience, most friction with in-laws occurs because a marriage is a merging of two different family cultures, backgrounds, attitudes, and atmospheres. Try to see these things for what they are: something developed over decades that cannot be easily changed when one person marries into a family. While you may not agree with the way your in-laws do things, it is helpful to be optimistic. Like it or not, your in-laws had some influence on your spouse. Since you love your spouse, you must also love some of what his or her family instilled. Seek out and focus on those things.
Deanne Winterton Chaston, Utah
  A fun project that has brought me closer to my in-laws is a memory book I started. Every month I e-mail or mail four questions to our grandparents, parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews and encourage them to send their responses to everyone else in the family. At the end of the year, I compile these questions and answers in a book with individual photos, brief biographies, pedigree charts, children’s drawings, and material on important family events such as weddings, graduations, and birthdays. In learning about my in-laws, I have found we have more in common than I initially thought.
Jeni Gates, Washington
  Look through family photo albums together and ask your in-laws questions. How did they meet? What was your spouse like as a child? What are some of their favorite holiday traditions? This will show your in-laws that you are interested in them and want to be included in their family. It’s a great way to learn about your spouse too! 
Tara Johnson, Alberta, Canada
  I married a man from Central America who was studying in the United States. Even though I understood there would be some cultural differences, I felt we could overcome them as we worked together. My mother-in-law was very kind, but there were times I felt that I would not measure up to what she wanted me to be. As I got discouraged, I turned to my husband to share my feelings. I felt he would be the best person to help me understand her. The more I understood the cultural aspects of his life, the more I realized the humility and love that was being shown to me. I have learned to incorporate the things that I love about their culture into our home and to blend while we make our own traditions.
Amy Cabrera, Washington
  Through my first year of marriage, I never gave much attention to stereotypical in-law jokes. I loved everything about my husband, including his family. Things went smoothly until our first baby came. Suddenly there seemed to be advice flying at me from all directions: “You’re feeding him too much!” “He’s not eating enough!” “Let him cry a little.” “Rock him--don’t make him cry!” I felt that as a new mother, I couldn’t do anything right. Although I listened as suggestions were given, inside I struggled. I refused to learn anything about motherhood from anyone besides my own mother. 
  More children came. I quickly learned that each of my children had unique personalities and that the “tricks of the trade” from my mother didn’t always work. Advice from my mother-in-law might be just what I needed. After all, my children possessed some of the personality traits of their father, and she had raised him. I found myself asking her for more advice after her initial counsel proved valuable. From that time forward, our relationship became stronger. I found that I was more adaptable to the needs of my children as I drew wisdom from both my mother and my mother-in-law. 
Emily Willoughby, Arizona
  Just three months after my husband and I were married, my mother-in-law asked us to move in with her to help out due to health problems she was facing. She has admitted being a bit hard to get along with. My husband is a man of compassion and tender feelings. In spite of the difficult circumstances, he works hard to keep her happy. His motto is “I try to do what my Savior would do.” Through his example, I too have learned to look at my mother-in-law as a child of God and to see her heart and concerns. Serving her has become an easy task, and we have been blessed.
Name Withheld
  When my husband and I got married, it was hard on both of our families. We’re both converts, and it was difficult for our families to understand why we were getting married at an age they considered young and before first completing college. Although I thought the initial stress we experienced at the wedding was resolved, there was still a lot of tension with my mother-in-law when we visited six months later. That’s when I became truly committed to trying to build a relationship with her. It started out small: I’d call to ask how she made stuffed peppers. She loves to cook, so this was comfortable ground. I’d ask about her job, how her other two children were doing, anything I could think of. I’d tell her a little bit about the classes I was taking or the children at the daycare center where I worked. While we’re still not as close as I would like, we’re on the way there. I think it’s important to give it time. Marriage is a big transition, not only for the bride and groom, but for their families as well. Don’t feel as if it has to happen all at once. 
Olivia Anne Ghafoerkhan, Florida 

SHARE YOUR IDEAS
  An upcoming Questions and Answers feature will focus on the following question: 
  I work in a secular environment. How can I stand up for what I believe without seeming self-righteous or judgmental?
  If you’d like to contribute your ideas and experiences, please label them “secular environment” and follow the submission guidelines under “Do You Have a Story to Tell?” in the contents pages at the beginning of the magazine. Please limit responses to 500 words and submit them by October 19.

A MISSION STATEMENT FOR MORTALITY
 “I believe the mission statement for mortality might be ‘to build an eternal family.’ Here on this earth we strive to become part of extended families with the ability to create and form our own part of those families. That is one of the reasons our Heavenly Father sent us here. . . . Indeed, nothing is more critically connected to happiness--both our own and that of our children--than how well we love and support one another within the family.” 
Elder M. Russell Ballard, “What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest,” Ensign, Nov. 2005, 41, 42.

;;;Living in a Chapter of History
BY MARJORIE H. RICE
While my husband and I were serving in the presidency of the Palmyra New York Temple, we lived in the historic Tomlinson Inn, where we learned much about the conversion of Brigham Young.
  When we told our friends that we would be living in the Tomlinson Inn, most of them hadn’t heard of it. Yet there were plenty of visitors to Mendon, New York, who knew the history of our 185-year-old home. Sometimes as we ate our Sunday meal we’d look out through the dining room window to see people taking pictures of the building. 
  Cars would often pull into the driveway, and people would wander over the grounds. The bolder ones knocked on the door and asked if this was the place they thought it was.
  Why all the interest? Because of a meeting that took place in April 1830 in this old home. Following is the story of the inn’s Latter-day Saint history.
A Meeting at the Tomlinson Inn
  One of the Prophet Joseph Smith’s first actions after The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was organized was to call his trusted younger brother Samuel to go forth and preach the restored gospel. Samuel’s attempts to sell copies of the newly published Book of Mormon, with its seemingly incredible story of angels and visions, had met with little success until he arrived at the Tomlinson Inn in April 1830.
  Samuel Smith gathered his courage, strode boldly into the inn, and walked across