Bonnie D. Parkin
Relief Society General President

Address given at the Fall 2002 Open House

Dear sisters, I come before you today humbled at the great responsibility I share with you in helping to build the kingdom of God. I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for the opportunity to be engaged with sisters in the service of the kingdom. Relief Society was organized by a prophet and should be a place where sociality and sisterhood bind women together in a spirit of testimony and faith; where doctrine and practical skills are taught together so our temporal and spiritual houses will be in order.

I am indeed grateful to be supported by two exemplary women as my counselors. They truly are women of faith, testimony, and covenant. This room is full of women with those same strengths.

In June of 1868 the Fillmore Utah Relief Society received a detailed letter of instruction from Relief Society general president Eliza R. Snow. In this correspondence Sister Snow taught that within the guidelines given, the women were to "act according to circumstances from time to time."¹ Sisters, I believe this counsel still applies today. We must act according to circumstances within the established guidelines. These guidelines allow us—maybe require us—to seek inspiration as we strive to meet the needs of individual sisters and families. I pray that you will be open to the Spirit today, that you might take the suggestions offered and prayerfully counsel with the Lord and your priesthood leaders about how best to implement these suggestions in your own wards and stakes.

I am grateful for this opportunity to model for you a president's report which is part of home, family, and personal enrichment meeting. I hope my words will provide insights on how you can use this tool to instruct and edify your sisters each month. The Guidelines for Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment tell us that the Relief Society president's report may include an update of service opportunities, illnesses, or nonconfidential items from the ward council meeting that the bishop has asked be shared with the sisters.

What a wonderful opportunity for you as a Relief Society presidency to share with your sisters information that will help them fulfill their various roles and responsibilities. A wise man taught that good information makes for good inspiration. I believe this is the purpose of the president's report—to share information that will help our sisters' inspiration. When women in the ward hear about the needs of others, or the activities of youth and children, they will be able to make better decisions and be better able to assist in meeting the needs of fellow ward members. I believe that by sensitizing everyone to the needs and happenings in our wards we can help build a community of Saints.

Historic Relief Society Building

As I begin my president's report today I would like to spend a few moments sharing with you my love for the Relief Society Building. In your Relief Society work you spend much of your time in a local ward or stake building. I think we can all reflect upon a meetinghouse where we have experienced some of life's most important milestones—a baby's blessing, a baptism, a touching testimony meeting. Similarly, in my work as a Relief Society president, I spend my time in a dedicated building that not only has great personal significance but also great importance for all women in the Church.

The general offices of the Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary are all housed in the Relief Society Building, located just north of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building across the plaza. This is a wonderful structure, a solid structure that sits in the shadow of the temple. Let me share a little history here.

"By 1900, while Zina D. H. Young was still president, the general presidencies of the Relief Society, the Young Ladies' Mutual Improvement Association, and the Primary Association had made plans for a shared 'woman's building' to house their general offices. ‘We want to have a house and we want land to build it on and it should be in the shadow of the temple,' Sarah M. Kimball, Relief Society vice president/counselor had told the sisters in 1896. The women had considered buying land, but were elated when the First Presidency offered them a lot directly across the street east of the temple."²

The Relief Society Building was dedicated on October 3, 1956, and became the home of the Relief Society general offices. While the vision of a "woman's building" had partially been realized, it was not complete until 1984, when the decision was made that the general offices of the Young Women and Primary would also be moved into the Relief Society Building. With the three auxiliaries housed together, sharing the same home, the concept of unity was front and center in everyone's mind. Prior to the other auxiliaries moving into the building, the general presidencies of the Primary, Young Women, and Relief Society identified values to guide them. I would like to share with you their statement.

"We will be united in our desire to assist in bringing about the mission of the Church. We will work together and have agreement in all things which affect each other, the female members and children of the Church. Any decisions that impact on two or more organizations will be brought before the three general presidents. In areas of differing opinions, we will work together to arrive at a consensus."³

Sisters, I want you to know that the three general auxiliaries actively work together and support each other. As a new Relief Society general presidency we have been nurtured and blessed by our sisters in the Young Women and Primary. We hope that as stake and ward Relief Society presidents you will be a unifying force among the women; that you will work with and support your sisters in Young Women and Primary as you seek to bring about the Lord's purposes.

Now this brings me to a related matter—letters from the First Presidency.

Letters from the First Presidency

In a letter sent to priesthood leaders dated August 19, 2002, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles invited children of the Church to join in a special satellite broadcast on Saturday, February 8, 2003, at 2:00 p.m. This broadcast will occur during the 125th year of the Primary organization with addresses from a member of the First Presidency and the Primary general presidency. Primary children ages 7-11, their parents, and leaders are invited to attend.

A letter was sent out from the First Presidency dated January 20, 2002, to stake presidents and bishops regarding home storage and financial reserves. It was significant that on the back side of this letter were suggested amounts for basic food storage. This letter was translated and distributed throughout the world. I hope your priesthood leaders have shared this important letter with you so that you can assist your sisters and families to be prepared and follow our prophet.

Now let me address welfare and compassionate service.

Welfare and Compassionate Service

As the Relief Society general presidency we serve on many Churchwide committees. One of our assignments is the welfare executive committee, not unlike the stake and ward welfare committees you serve on. In the Church Handbook of Instructions we read: "Members of the ward Relief Society presidency minister to sisters in the ward by loving, serving, instructing, and watching over them. They seek out and assist sisters who are in need."⁴

On June 26, 2002, the First Presidency issued a statement on adoption and unwed parents. This letter should have alerted us to a matter of great concern to the Brethren. I hope this important information was shared in each of your wards and stakes. Please review this significant letter with your bishop or stake president.

Do you know the process to assist an unwed mother in placing an infant for adoption? Do you understand your role as a resource to your bishop or stake president in meeting the needs of sisters in this situation? LDS Family Services has a video and pamphlets available to help you with this sensitive issue. In this letter the Brethren teach that "children sealed to parents have claim upon the blessings of the gospel beyond what others are entitled to receive."⁵

A sister with adopted children who is now rearing a grandchild wept when she heard this letter read. For the first time in her memory the First Presidency had emphasized the blessings of the sealing power in the lives of adopted children. Even though she loves her grandchild very much she realizes how much more the child would have gained from being sealed to a mother and father. There is solidarity in such a home.

Sisters, again remember the words of a wise man: "Good information makes for good inspiration." Please take the time to familiarize yourself with the resources that have been provided to bless the lives of all of our Father's children.

Now a few thoughts on missionary work.

Missionary Work

At the end of August I had the opportunity to speak at the Missionary Training Center in Provo. What a joyous sight to look into the faces of those elders and sisters and senior couples so anxious to become engaged in the work of the kingdom. I asked them to share one thing they knew about Relief Society with the person next to them. I then asked two of them to share with all of us. The first elder said, "Emma Smith was the first president." The second elder said, "My mother and my sister belong to it." I shared with the missionaries the purpose of Relief Society, "to assist priesthood leaders . . . by helping sisters and families come unto Christ."⁶ I then said the following: "Can you see that the Relief Society president is one of your greatest resources for missionary work? Every time you come into a new unit, introduce yourself to the bishop or branch president first, and the Relief Society president second. The Relief Society president can be a great resource in helping identify meaningful friends for potential new members."

Sisters, do you realize what an untapped resource we are? I came to see the power of a ward Relief Society president actively involved in the missionary work while serving with my husband as he presided over the England London South Mission. Let me share with you a story from the mission field. Gloria was being taught by the missionaries. She had questions she did not feel comfortable asking these great elders. She needed a woman's perspective. Lisa, the Relief Society president, made Gloria feel safe in Relief Society. Gloria viewed the sisters as her friends and they nurtured her and answered those sensitive questions. Gloria had such a wonderful experience in Relief Society that after her baptism she nurtured a new investigator and helped her come unto Christ.

I hope you will be thoughtful about how you and the women in your wards and stakes can be more actively involved in missionary service. What has President Hinckley told us? Every new member needs a friend, a responsibility, and to be nurtured by the good word of God. Sisters, we can help meet those needs in Relief Society.

I hope you have caught the vision of what a president's report can be.

Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment

Now to another matter. I received a letter which posed some thought-provoking questions about home, family, and personal enrichment meeting. The letter read:

"Are we the only ones confused about this program? Can you help me catch the vision of this program? Why are we doing this if the women do not want it? Why is this meeting called home, family, and personal enrichment?"

How many of you have ever felt like this most honest sister?

The name "home, family, and personal enrichment" is designed to communicate what this monthly Relief Society meeting can help us accomplish. The phrase "personal enrichment" focuses our attention on the importance of first strengthening our sisters as individuals; then with that increased strength, they will be better able to build their family members, friends, neighbors, and community, with the ultimate goal of bringing each closer to our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

In the guidelines we read that the purpose of the home, family, and personal enrichment meeting is to give us the following direction:

Are the purposes of this meeting being achieved for the sisters in your ward? Does this meeting enhance the lives of our sisters? When sisters participate are they receiving help with real life issues and gaining practical skills? Are your sisters attending home, family, and personal enrichment? I believe there are two reasons sisters attend: (1) They feel obligated, and (2) They want to come. That's why it's so important to remember that before any of these purposes can be accomplished, the Relief Society presidency must know the sisters and know each sister's needs.

Home, family, and personal enrichment should add to each sister's resources and strength; it should bring sisters together to be sisters and enhance their commitment to live the gospel. In order to accomplish this goal, the evening should offer classes, discussion groups, and hands-on experiences that teach applications of gospel principles, keeping in mind the varying ages, family needs, circumstances, and schedules. Enrichment evening activities should place less emphasis on presentation and more emphasis on practicality and discussion. In a student ward many were finishing graduate degrees looking to purchase a home. Their evening enrichment was a hands-on learning. They learned to figure interest, down payments, and gathered essential information. This is an example of meeting the practical needs of those sisters. Meeting time should be spent engaged in doing things that matter—like listening to each other, chatting while working together, sharing and developing interests and skills, learning and advancing spirituality.

Lofty goals? Let me share a few practical ideas that will help make enrichment the powerful tool it was designed to be.

First, use this meeting to build spiritual strength. President Hinckley has said that these are "perilous times."⁷ What do our sisters need to be able to withstand such times?

Let me share with you how one Relief Society helped sisters build spiritual strength. They organized a scripture study program with these simple guidelines: read the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants with Church Education manuals as the only resource, and take turns leading the discussion. This simple activity was life changing. Some of these women had never read the Book of Mormon. Asking the sisters to study the word of God and come prepared to lead a discussion caused them to seek greater meaning in their individual reading. They nurtured each other as they discussed and shared.

Sisters, I encourage you to take time for your daily personal prayer and scripture study. Recently while reading 1 Nephi 1:5, I was touched by this verse: "Wherefore it came to pass that my father, Lehi, as he went forth prayed unto the Lord, yea, even with all his heart, in behalf of his people." And then in verse 12: "As he read, he was filled with the Spirit of the Lord." That is the promise, sisters. As we immerse ourselves in the scriptures, we can feel the love of our Savior. Use the studying and discussing of the scriptures to build spiritual strength among your sisters.

Second, develop personal skills, which I call practical skills. Our prophet has expressed grave concern for the indebtedness of Church members. He said, "The economy is particularly vulnerable. We have been counseled again and again concerning self-reliance, concerning debt, concerning thrift. So many of our people are heavily in debt for things that are not entirely necessary."⁸ He continued with the caution, "I urge you as members of this Church to get free of debt where possible and to have a little laid aside against a rainy day."⁹

Home, family, and personal enrichment is an ideal setting to teach thrift, self-reliance, budgeting, debt reduction, and self-control. Sisters, we must hearken to the counsel of our prophet.

Concern has been expressed that many of us do not know the basics of cooking and nutrition. How many of you can order at the drive-through without even reading the menu? The general welfare committee has recommended what to include in a "one-month" food storage kit. It contains the basics—wheat, beans, rice, etc. It is great to have this storage kit, but do our sisters know how to use it to feed their families? This, dear sisters, is what I am asking. Are we teaching the practical things in home, family, and personal enrichment meetings that will help our sisters become self-reliant?

Many of the sisters in one ward did not have health insurance or proper health care. In enrichment meeting a representative from the local health department was invited to give a lesson on women's health. Information on free or low-cost health exams was provided. The evening was well attended, and this personal subject was addressed in an inviting, relaxed, and safe environment. Use home, family, and personal enrichment meeting to help our sisters gain practical, personal skills which they can use to better their lives.

Third, strengthen home and family. An experience was shared by a young mother with two small children living in a tiny apartment on a student budget. Many of her peers in the ward were faced with similar difficulties of rearing children in small spaces, lack of financial resources, and no nearby family support. These young mothers were exhausted. This sister suggested to her Relief Society president that a class be offered at enrichment to encourage and teach these young women not just the joy and nobility in mothering, but practical skills. The Relief Society president was aghast at the suggestion. There was too much diversity and varied life situations in the ward to focus on that topic. A plea for help, a need expressed, went unheeded. Would not home, family, and personal enrichment have been the perfect forum?

Compare this to another ward with a similar situation. Many of those in the "young mother" age group filled callings in Primary and Young Women. These sisters struggled as they tried to balance the need for personal spiritual growth, social interaction, and practical parenting skills. This ward's Relief Society president saw a need, discussed it with her bishop, and organized a monthly "young mothers enrichment meeting" held during the day. A needs assessment letter was sent to each sister to recommend topics for discussion. Lessons were planned. Enrichment became a powerful tool to meet the needs of these sisters and bless their families.

Many prophets have taught us about the importance of family home evening in strengthening our families. This is one time the gospel is taught in the home so sons and daughters learn the testimonies and values of covenanted parents.

In times of confusing responsibilities and roles, some parents believe it is more important to be a friend to their child than to be a parent. Parents are in charge in the home, and children do not need to give permission for parental rules and directions such as to turn off the TV or meeting curfews.

The prophets have instructed sisters to dress modestly, and mothers set the example for their daughters. When mothers bring their daughters to the temple the dress emphasis should be modesty and the appropriate covering of the sacred garment. These are topics appropriately discussed and taught during home, family, and personal enrichment meetings.

Use home, family, and personal enrichment to address those needs affecting the families of your ward. And remember, "God and one are a family,"¹⁰ and let the Lord guide you to strengthen those homes and families.

Fourth, provide gospel service. Relief Society, under the direction of the priesthood, is divinely appointed to provide service to Heavenly Father's children. As I represent all of you on the general welfare committee of the Church, I am overwhelmed by the stories of your selfless sacrifice and service. I hope we think of service on many levels.

A newly called stake Relief Society president met privately with each ward president seeking to understand how she perceived the needs of her sisters. Without exception, each of the nine presidents cited "isolation and loneliness" as leading concerns. This simple act of listening provided the stake Relief Society president with a clear vision of the service needs in her stake. There is a time and place for projects, but let us not forget those around us in need of daily acts of kindness. Lift up the hands that hang down, feed the hungry, and bless the poor. Use home, family, and personal enrichment to give your sisters the revitalizing blessings that come from serving in the kingdom, and allow the Lord to guide you to worthy projects.

Oh, and one last idea. Learn the get-and-give principle. Sometimes we go to enrichment and feel like we have learned a ton, and sometimes we feel we are there to give and to nurture somebody else. As a presidency we visited with Florence Jacobsen, who served as the Young Women general president. She told of going to a national meeting for women with then Relief Society general president Belle Spafford. Returning home, Sister Jacobsen felt she had received no help from the meeting. She went to tell a priesthood leader that she did not believe there was any reason to participate in these meetings. He said to her, "Florence, when are you going to learn you don't always have to get something. Think about what you've got to give."¹¹ This is the get-and-give principle. Sometimes we go to enrichment to get, and sometimes we go to give.

Conclusion

Home, family, and personal enrichment meeting requires more connection to the Lord than ever before. It requires us to know—truly know—our sisters and their needs and then seek, receive, and follow inspiration to meet those needs as a sisterhood supporting each other. When we struggle with enrichment night, when it is not working, we need to evaluate whether we are simply checking off assignments or actually incorporating charity in our responsibility, and whether we are receiving divine direction for the program in our ward. In essence, as leaders we must be far more spiritually in tune with our sisters' needs and the Lord's desires for meeting those needs.

Remember the account of the brother of Jared in the book of Ether. It provides us with a wonderful leadership example of identifying needs and seeking confirmation of possible solutions. Can you recall the brother of Jared's need? The barges he had been commanded to build had no light, and he desired that they should not cross the great waters in darkness. How did the Lord respond to the brother of Jared's petition for light? "What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?"¹²

The brother of Jared had identified a need, and now the Lord was asking him to identify a possible solution. "And it came to pass that the brother of Jared . . . went forth unto the mount . . . and did molten out of a rock sixteen small stones; and they were white and clear, even as transparent glass; and he did carry them in his hands upon the top of the mount, and cried again unto the Lord. . . . And I know, O Lord, that thou hast all power, and can do whatsoever thou wilt for the benefit of man; therefore touch these stones, O Lord, with thy finger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness."¹³

The Lord touched the stones the brother of Jared had prepared; the Lord confirmed the action plan that he proposed. Sisters, here is a pattern for us to follow in making our monthly home, family, and personal enrichment meetings effective.

All of our sisters need stronger ties with one another in an environment that bolsters faith and strengthens families and supports struggles. Creating such a place with such opportunities is the work of Relief Society. And because every ward is different, there is no one-size-fits-all program. But there is the Spirit of the Lord for guidance, and charity, the pure love of Christ, which never faileth. What else do we need?!

Before you return to the vineyard to labor, I want to tell you a story: Just a few weeks ago, I spoke with a young stake Relief Society president in the Midwest where visiting some wards requires a three-hour drive—one way! She was very honest in expressing the struggles faced by the women of the Church there and the challenges confronting the leaders supporting these sisters. We are all familiar with such feelings, aren't we? And while I did not feel she was complaining, she must have worried about it because several weeks later I received a letter from her. Let me share some of it with you, as her feelings reflect mine and probably yours too. But more importantly, they put all that we have discussed into practical and eternal perspective. She wrote:

"I think that I was remiss in not sharing with you adequately how very proud I am of the sisters in my stake. Sure, we have our challenges, but the level of commitment among so many . . . is inspiring and challenging.

"Did I tell you that we have a sister who has a visiting teaching route of 280 round-trip miles? She faithfully takes off one day per month to visit each one of her sisters.

"Did I tell you that one of our Relief Society presidents is the direct beneficiary of the literacy program? She herself is learning how to read. She is assisted weekly in her preparation for the Sunday lessons by a set of audiocassettes of the Harold B. Lee manual. These cassettes were lovingly recorded by members of the other Relief Society presidency members in wards and branches of our stake and presented to her for Christmas 2001.

"Did I tell you that I love my calling? I love our sisters. I love this stake. It's big . . . approximately the geographical size of the entire state of Utah . . . and daunting sometimes. But it has tremendous potential. And within the souls of our sisters are the ingredients for success.

"I am grateful that I accepted [this calling]. The blessings that my family received cannot be numbered. The growth and learning that I have experienced personally exceeds what I would have otherwise thought possible.

"I love my Savior. I love this work. I am so proud to put my shoulder to the wheel and be part of it."¹⁴

Do those words resonate for you like they do for me? Dear Relief Society leaders, I express my love and deep admiration and appreciation for you and all that you do in blessing so many. Being a Relief Society leader is no easy assignment! There are tons of other activities you could be doing instead, but you are not. You have taken the Savior's yoke upon you and are unselfishly doing as He did. Your commitment and dedication humbles me beyond words. Thank you.

I echo this good, young stake Relief Society president in saying: I love my Savior. I love this work. I am so honored to put my shoulder to the wheel—with you—and be a part of it. May our togetherness better help us feel and enjoy the love of our Savior in our lives I pray, in His holy name, even Jesus Christ, amen.

1. Jill Mulvay Derr, Janath Russell Cannon, and Maureen Ursenbach Beecher, Women of Covenant: The Story of Relief Society [1992], 90.
2. Women of Covenant, 174.
3. Unity Document, 1984, on file in Relief Society general offices.
4. Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2: Priesthood and Auxiliary Leaders [1998], 196.
5. First Presidency letter, June 26, 2002, "Adoption and Unwed Parents."
6. Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2, 193.
7. Gordon B. Hinckley, "The Times in Which We Live," Ensign, Nov. 2001, 74.
8. Ensign, Nov. 2001, 73.
9. Ensign, Nov. 2001, 74.
10. Marvin J. Ashton, "Be a Quality Person," address given at single-member fireside, Aug. 30, 1992.
11. Personal interview with Florence Jacobsen, conducted by Bonnie D. Parkin, Kathleen H. Hughes, and Anne C. Pingree.
12. Ether 2:23.
13. Ether 3:1, 4.
14. Personal correspondence, on file in Relief Society general offices.