Bonnie D. Parkin
Relief Society General President

Address given at the Fall 2003 Open House

During the Spring 2003 Open House we shared with you the March 19, 2003, letter from the First Presidency regarding helping young women with the transition into womanhood. As a Relief Society presidency we invited the Young Women and Primary general presidencies and boards to ask their ward Relief Society presidents to assign them a transitioning young woman as their visiting teaching companion. The mentoring that occurred was exciting! Let me share one experience from a board member.

This sister's Relief Society president was thrilled with the idea. Of the 10 young women graduating from high school in their ward, all but one would go away to college in the fall. The transitioning young woman who would remain in the ward was assigned as the board member's visiting teaching companion. While this young woman's mother served as a visiting teacher, her efforts took the form of treats on the doorstep instead of visits in the home.

The first time this new companionship met, the board member took the opportunity to explain the purpose of visiting teaching, testify of its importance, and discuss the message together. The young adult sister companion offered the prayer before they made their first visit.

When the board member reported to her ward president, the president explained how her request to visit teach with a transitioning young woman had inspired her to meet with all of the new young adult Relief Society sisters to teach them about visiting teaching. This Relief Society presidency met individually with each of the 10 girls. They also held a visiting teaching meeting for these new sisters during the three summer months where they discussed what visiting teaching is, how to be a visiting teacher, and how to give the monthly message.

In the past, the majority of this ward's transitioning young adult sisters had stayed in Young Women until they left for college. This year, however, these transitioning young adults faithfully attended Relief Society each week. What a strength, what a resource these young sisters would bring to their college wards! And when they return home for visits, attending Relief Society will also be a "coming home."

One young adult sister shared the following when asked the question, "When do you believe the 'transition' begins from Young Women to Relief Society?" Her response: "I'll tell you when it doesn't begin—it doesn't begin when you're a senior in high school. It really begins when you first enter the Young Women program. Now that I'm serving as the president of the singles' ward Relief Society, I think that the Young Women program helps to prepare you for when you enter the great sisterhood of Relief Society."¹

And this sisterhood, according to page 206 in the Church Handbook of Instructions, includes "all sisters in the ward are members of Relief Society regardless of their Church assignments." As "Relief Society leaders [we must] make a special effort to include sisters who serve in the Primary and Young Women organizations."²

Introduction

One morning only a few weeks ago I received an e-mail from a college friend. She wrote, "Ray died this morning." And then she said, "Visiting teaching works. It really works." She didn't need to say any more. I could picture in my mind her visiting teachers there at her side helping her, giving her encouragement and strength, and most of all, love. Her words have resounded in my mind since that morning. Here was my dear friend bearing testimony to me that what we call visiting teaching is really so much more than a visit or a thought. It's how we connect with one another and have someone to rely on, someone to help, someone to turn to when things fall apart, someone who wants us to draw closer to the Lord. Visiting teaching works, and that's my message to you today. Visiting teaching is the heart and soul of Relief Society.

How has visiting teaching touched your life? When have you had an e-mail or a phone call like mine? Were you the one listening or the one saying the words: "Help me." "Come now." "This is hard." "I don't think I can do this." "I have a question about the gospel." "Where can I turn for peace?" Have you felt the Spirit nudge you to a sister's home? Have your visiting teachers shown up on your doorstep unexpectedly when you needed them most? The Lord put in place visiting teaching for "such a time as this."³ In Mosiah 18 we read:

"And now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life."⁴

Mourn, comfort, stand as witnesses. All of those promises came together for my friend. "Visiting teaching works," she said. She was acknowledging that the Lord had prepared for this moment. He had sent her two sisters who had entered into a covenant with Him. They were not plucked out of nowhere to answer an alarm at a home they did not know. They were sisters in the gospel who understood their charge to do this work with heart and soul.

That's the essence of visiting teaching. I can think of no more appropriate description than "heart and soul." In our visits and those moments when we are sharing our thoughts and feelings about the gospel and the Lord, something happens. Mosiah describes it as "hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another."⁵ Isn't that what we want to have happen for each other? Isn't that what my friend said in her e-mail, "Visiting teaching works"? She had felt unity, love, compassion, and charity.

We visit teach because we've made covenants with the Lord, and they are fulfilled as we share our hearts and souls. We visit teach to extend charity, which is the "highest, noblest, strongest kind of love."⁶ Visiting teaching is all about family. As we show charity to those we serve, we become family by affection. We all belong to the Lord's family, and when we serve sisters—and through them their families—we strengthen the family as designed in the heavens.

Covenants, charity, family. They have connected our sisterhood from the beginning. When we were called as a presidency, we promised the Lord that we would help encourage sisters worldwide to feel the love of the Lord in their lives daily as they keep their covenants, exercise charity, and strengthen families. Visiting teaching brings that love of the Lord to every home.

Let me share an example. "Whenever I am in Relief Society I feel like I am home. About eight years ago, I was assigned to visit teach an elderly sister in my ward. I was 25 and she was 80. She let me in with a smile and immediately let me into her heart. I was only her visiting teacher for one month, but she has been one of my greatest blessings. In her I have found a mother and a grandmother. She has taught me how to can, sew, quilt, and serve. She has helped me deal with challenges, childlessness, and she celebrated with me when we were blessed with three sons through adoption. Because my own mother was unable to attend the temple, she held my precious baby at the altar when he was sealed to us. I have sat at her bedside in the hospital when she got sick. We have laughed like girls do and learned from each other. I am so grateful that the Lord would give me such a precious gift through the Relief Society. I cringe to think of what would have happened had I not done my visiting teaching."⁷

Watchcare

Visiting teaching creates connections for women. Can you see how an older sister and younger sister blessed each other's lives? Sisters, do we understand the purpose of visiting teaching? Let's look at what the handbook says: "The purposes of visiting teaching are to build caring relationships with each sister and to offer support, comfort, and friendship. In visiting teaching, both the giver and the receiver are blessed and strengthened in their Church activity by their caring concern for one another."⁸

Support, comfort, and friendship. This is what we call watchcare. Do you see that as we watch and care for another sister—meeting her needs, strengthening her, increasing her faith and testimony in Jesus Christ—we are engaged in watchcare?

Watchcare looks like good friends sitting down on the couch sharing their joys. It looks like two women walking the blocks in the early morning together, talking about the day before the crush of problems and pressures begin. It looks like a sister choosing to sit by a mother in church with a young family who could use an extra set of hands. It looks like two or three women in the temple sitting quietly and at ease, the peace of the temple being the bond between them.

Watchcare feels like someone is there for you. It feels like you can call and not be embarrassed to ask for help. It feels like you are stepping in as the Lord's representative. It feels responsible and responsive. It feels like you have a charge from the Lord and you know you are the one He has called to bless a sister's life.

Watchcare sounds like a quiet voice. It sounds like a voice that is happy to hear from you, like a voice that makes you feel at ease because you dared call or you knew whatever you were going to say would be received with an understanding heart. It doesn't sound hurried or hassled or angry. It is consistent and honest and fair. It's a voice that can be trusted.

Watchcare requires both giving and receiving; visiting teaching blesses both the giver and receiver.

In the process of fulfilling our visiting teaching assignment, we become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. We fulfill our covenants to "teach one another the doctrine of the kingdom,"⁹ so that each woman is nourished by the good word of God. One Relief Society sister said to me, "I have five friends, and in the time we've known each other, I've never heard them testify of Christ." Women are hungry for things of the Spirit, for truths that counter the slide of virtues all around them. Women bless each other as they share what they have learned, as they bear their testimony. There is a power in hearing one another testify.

I'm reminded of Sally who lived in an apartment in chaos. She had two bunk beds in the front room. She was raising a grandson with multiple disabilities, and two adult sons were living with her. One had mental problems. I was assigned as her visiting teacher, and I was discouraged. I looked at her situation and I remember thinking, "I can't change this all for her." A scripture came to my mind: "Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees."¹⁰ That was my assignment. I sent Sally the Ensign. When I visited, we shared our faith. She was the only member of the Church in her family, and she delighted in talking with me about the Lord. Sally was always happy. She was positive, and when I left our visits I would think, "I need to fix my life and be more happy and more positive." I learned from Sally. She had taken to heart President Hinckley's counsel, "Do the very best you can."¹¹

What stands in the way of doing our best in our visiting teaching, in providing watchcare? As I listen to Relief Society presidents, they say that visiting teaching is one of their biggest challenges. Sisters, aren't we always tested on the things that matter most? I believe visiting teaching is the heart and soul of Relief Society, and because of this, we will encounter opposition. President Hinckley has said, "I hope that . . . visiting teachers will experience two things: first, the challenge of the responsibility that is in their great calling, and second, the sweetness of results from their work."¹²

A sister living in a high-rise apartment was assigned to visit teach a sister in her building. She called the sister she was assigned to visit many times over a few months, always leaving a message because there was never an answer. Her calls were not returned, so each month she stuck a copy of the message with a little note on the unreachable sister's door. After seeing one of her notes still on the door the next month, she decided to mail her messages, thinking that this sister might travel. One day this visiting teacher came across a stranger in the elevator. They introduced themselves, and when the woman heard her name she said, "You're my visiting teacher!"

The visiting teacher later shared, "Little did I know that each message was opened and read. She remembered my name and appreciated my overtures. . . . I learned that she spent much of her time traveling. In the elevator she told me how much my little message meant to her. When she was in town she often called for a brief chat or to ask a question. In time I made a friend. I learned that she and her husband were struggling with inactivity. Her children were urging them to return to full participation in Church. When she is in town she now knows there is someone at church that will recognize and welcome her. I needed this friendship, and it was only through doing simple, small visiting teaching gestures that I have been rewarded."¹³

Visiting teachers carry into the home the purpose of Relief Society—to assist the priesthood in carrying out the mission of the Church to help women and families come unto Christ. It is a sacred trust we have been given. We can overcome the obstacles.

Administer and Minister

As Relief Society leaders we are called to both minister and administer. When the Savior called His disciples to go out two by two, He was administering a program to serve others. The Savior also ministered to those He called. He even washed their feet. Those of you who serve as a stake Relief Society president do likewise. You administer as you teach the programs of Relief Society; you minister as you listen, encourage, and meet the needs of your ward Relief Society presidents.

Let me share a few thoughts on the administration part of visiting teaching.

As a ward Relief Society president, I remember I made a huge chart with the names of each sister in the ward and who was assigned to visit teach them. I prayed about everyone on the list and those assigned to visit them. I thought about the needs of each sister. After I had prayerfully made the assignments, I reviewed it with my presidency. They gave me some suggestions. I continued to seek inspiration on each assignment. If I feel strongly about anything, it is that the president has the mantle of the calling and is entitled to receive inspiration from the Lord. This inspiration cannot be delegated.

Ward Relief Society presidents, one thing I didn't do, but that I would strongly encourage you to do, is to take that list to your regular meeting with your bishop. This is a time to be able to share and let him review the proposed assignments. He may have information that will help bless an individual sister. If you are a stake Relief Society president, give an update to the stake president on visiting teaching efforts. Seek his counsel. I believe that if visiting teaching is done right, the load of a bishop and a stake president will be lightened.

When you invite a sister to be a visiting teacher, she needs to know that you have been prayerful and feel confident that her assignment has been inspired. In the words of President Hinckley: "I honestly believe that [visiting teachers] will taste the sweet and wonderful feeling which comes of being an instrument in the hands of the Lord. . . . It is not a heavy burden—it just takes a little more faith. It is worthy of our very best effort."¹⁴

Once assignments have been given, how do you know if things are working? One of the ways we can find out is by conducting annual visiting teaching interviews as described in the handbook. One stake Relief Society president shares why these interviews are so important. "Interviews are imperative to the success of our Relief Society program. . . . They provide accountability. . . . They provide valuable information about interests, talents, strengths, concerns, challenges of our sisters. This regular, valuable feedback should feed into presidency meetings to create a whole new world of possibilities. Interviews facilitate proactive prevention and preparation. They help to educate presidencies about issues so that they can act rather than react."¹⁵

At least annually, visiting teachers should be interviewed. But do you have to wait to receive information just once a year? No. Remember your visiting teaching supervisors? They can be a great resource. Train them to ask about sisters, not just about numbers. Train them how to ask and what to ask to keep you informed about your sisters' needs.

Flexibility

One more important element of visiting teaching is flexibility. We need to make visiting teaching work in our wards—one sister at a time. Visiting teaching has as many faces and configurations as Relief Society has sisters. The ideal is that each sister is contacted each month. Each Relief Society president, in counsel with her priesthood leaders, needs to shape a visiting teaching program for her sisters. Regular visits, phone calls, notes in the mail, treats, a visit at church, a gathering of several sisters, a lunch meeting, all can be incorporated into visiting teaching. Keep in mind that flexibility addresses when, where, and how but does not discount the importance of watchcare.

Every morning at 6:00 a.m. Diane and Lois turn their key in the back door of their neighbor's home and quietly set out a grid of medication to be taken that day by the elderly couple still asleep upstairs. They've been caring for this sister and her husband for more than five years. Their visiting teaching has extended beyond the monthly report to daily contact.

Joan and Ruth walk in the cemetery to get in their visits. Joan doesn't have a companion; the ward is on overload. At first glance the two have little in common. Joan is single; Ruth is a mother of five sons. Joan is blind, but that hasn't stopped her from sharing the visiting teaching message with her friend. Joan memorizes the scriptures in the lesson, and then the two talk about them as they walk. These two sisters in the gospel have become dear friends. When I picture them, I hear the words of the Primary song, "Lead me, guide me, walk beside me."¹⁶

How visiting teaching is accomplished may vary from one area to the next. We need to keep flexibility in mind. In the letter from the First Presidency dated December 10, 2001, on "watching over and strengthening members," suggestions were given with possible local adaptations to meet needs regarding home and visiting teaching. One paragraph reads: "There are some locations in the Church where, for a time, home [or visiting] teaching to every home each month may not be possible because of insufficient numbers of active priesthood brethren and various other local challenges. When such circumstances prevail, leaders should do their best to use the resources they have available to watch over and strengthen each member."¹⁷

Sisters, counsel with your priesthood leaders as you prayerfully consider how to watch over and care for the sisters in your units. I know a monthly visit is best. But if monthly visits aren't possible, please don't do nothing. Be creative and find a way to connect with each sister via a phone call, a letter, or a visit at the church. Remember, the Church Handbook of Instructions states that once each quarter each sister should receive a face-to-face visit.¹⁸ Our hope is that circumstances will allow for more.

Sharing the message from the Ensign or Liahona is central to watchcare. For many of our sisters this is their only spiritual contact. It's in the sharing of the message where sisters build each other. Before visiting teachers go into a home, they should pray, study the message together, and consider the needs of the sisters they visit by asking questions like, "What within this message would be of help? What would meet her needs and lift her spirits?" It may be just a verse of scripture, but it is an opportunity to share. I think bonding begins when we share together as women. Visiting teaching is missionary work—reading the message, and then sharing what you believe the scripture means to you and saying, "What do you think about this scripture? How does it feel to you?" It's a dialogue together. It's sharing of hearts and testimony.

I have had sisters ask me, "If you don't share the message, does the visit count?" Sisters, remember the principle of flexibility and watchcare. Let me share with you an experience of a young adult sister in a student ward. You decide if this visiting teacher's efforts count.

"While I was away at school, I was given a younger companion and one sister to visit. We had only her e-mail address and a post office box number. We couldn't find a phone number from any source, so we would e-mail her or send her a note each month. We heard nothing from her, but we kept up our messages. It wasn't until the end of the school year that she responded to us. She told us that what we had done had meant a lot to her. It was a huge payday for us!"¹⁹

Effective visiting teaching will help put the heart and soul back into Relief Society. Start with your presidency. Each of you take an assignment as a visiting teacher and report back on your own experiences. From there move to your teachers and ask them to be faithful visiting teachers. Sisters, I know this will work. I know there is great power in example.

Consider having a first-Sunday lesson where you discuss just this question: "How has visiting teaching blessed your life?" I find it interesting that visiting teaching seems to be so hard, yet the sweetest, most tender stories shared are about visiting teaching experiences. There is great strength in hearing the testimonies of other sisters.

Visiting teaching can be a means of strengthening the members of the Church. President Hinckley has said: "I believe our problems, almost every one, arise out of the homes of the people. If there is to be reformation, if there is to be a change, if there is to be a return to old and sacred values, it must begin in the home. It is here that truth is learned, that integrity is cultivated, that self-discipline is instilled, and that love is nurtured. . . . If anyone can change the dismal situation into which we are sliding, it is you. Rise up, O women of Zion, rise to the great challenge which faces you."²⁰ Sisters, we can help meet this charge with visiting teaching.

Invitation

Here are three invitations I would like you to consider. Will you choose one that you'll commit to work on for the next six months?

First, reread the sections in the Church Handbook of Instructions that deal with visiting teaching and evaluate your efforts.

Second, teach visiting teaching principles in a stake leadership meeting or in a first-Sunday lesson.

Third, review your current visiting teaching assignments and prayerfully look at each sister and those assigned to teach her. Are the companionships still what the Lord would have happening in your ward?

I look forward to hearing you share your successes in six months.

Conclusion

Though times have changed, times are much the same. We visit today as they did more than 150 years ago. We report back, and we visit again. The ideal is that each sister is contacted every month. But we also recognize that every ward's resources are different and must be managed wisely and by inspiration. Visiting in homes gives us perspectives into the needs of the family and their individual circumstances. Visiting each month keeps us close to our sisters and helps us discern their needs and how to address them. Sharing a spiritual message elevates our contact, unites our faith, and brings each sister into the circle. Sisters, we can do that.

Our assignment is not only to make visits but to consistently carry the Spirit into homes, to bless families with the pure love of Christ, to inspire, encourage, lift, and fortify. Every home is in need of additional support. Visiting teachers bring that blessed reinforcement. It is a sacred trust we have been given. We can overcome the obstacles.

We are women of covenant! Every time we watch over one another, godlike qualities of love, patience, kindness, generosity, and spiritual commitment fill the souls of those we visit and enlarge our souls as well. In the process, we honor our covenants. I see legions of faithful sisters around the world going forward on the Lord's errands, performing simple yet significant service. Why do we do visiting teaching? Sisters, it's because we've made covenants. Mosiah described it this way: "To bear one another's burdens, . . . to mourn with those that mourn, . . . comfort those that stand in need of comfort."²¹

The adversary wants us to fail in our calling. He will constantly throw obstacles in our path to keep us from serving and growing together in our understanding of the doctrines of the gospel. He has launched a full assault on the home and family. Yet we know, in the end, that Satan will not win. The Lord's prophet, and the Lord, can count on us to fulfill our charge. In our visits we can teach of eternity. Placing the temple within reach of our sisters is an important part of our watchcare.

Let me tell you about Melinda and Raquel. Melinda visited Raquel, whose husband was not a member of the Church. Over the years, by simple acts of service, Raquel warmed to the idea of attending church. The home teachers worked with the visiting teachers, and her husband was introduced to the gospel. In repeated visits Raquel shared her desire to have her family together forever, but she did not recognize that those blessings were predicated on temple covenants. The two visiting teachers fasted and prayed about what the Lord would have them say to Raquel. At their next visit they spoke of the temple, and Raquel wept as she spoke of her desire to make temple covenants. Suddenly, the visiting teacher found herself saying, "Tell your husband that you love him and your children so much that you want to be sealed with them forever." Her companion added, "Set a date one year from now." The next month Raquel announced that she had talked with her husband and he had set a baptismal date. One year later the two visiting teachers were in the temple with Raquel and her husband as they made sacred covenants and were sealed. Raquel is now Melinda's visiting teaching companion.

We don't "do" visiting teaching. We "are" visiting teachers. And in the process of fulfilling this most precious assignment, we become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. We fulfill our covenants to teach one another the doctrine of the kingdom so that each woman is nourished by the good word of God. Women are hungry for things of the Spirit, for truths that counter the slide of virtues all around them. Visiting teaching is a measure of the heart, an unselfish work, a sacred trust that blesses both the giver and the receiver.

I love being a visiting teacher; I always have. I love the messages based in the scriptures. It allows for conversing back and forth about what a scripture means. In the process we learn so much about each other as we share ideas.

Each one of us has a story of how we've been touched by the love of a sister. This is one of the ways that the Lord blesses us. He works through others. At the end of a first-Sunday lesson on keeping covenants, the Relief Society president presented a basket with names of sisters written on slips of paper. They were names on the ward list, but not names with faces. They had no visiting teachers. The president asked the sisters if they would take a name and go find the sister, reach out to her, invite her back, and report their experience. She also encouraged sisters to visit those who asked for "letter only" or visits "every six months." The Relief Society mobilized and connections were made with sisters who had long missed a gospel influence in their lives.

Dear sisters, I love visiting teaching. It works. I hope you open your schedules and your hearts as well as your doors as you experience the heart and soul of Relief Society; as you experience support, comfort, and friendship; as you experience watchcare. This is a great work watched over and cared for by Almighty God. Of this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Notes

1. Personal correspondence.
2. Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2: Priesthood and Auxiliary Leaders [1998], 206.
3. Esther 4:14.
4. Mosiah 18:8–9.
5. Mosiah 18:21.
6. Bible Dictionary, "Charity," 632.
7. Personal correspondence.
8. Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2, 202.
9. D&C 88:77.
10. D&C 81:5.
11. Gordon B. Hinckley, "Women of the Church," Ensign, Nov. 1996, 69.
12. Gordon B. Hinckley, "Instruments of the Lord," Ensign, Mar. 1997, 27.
13. Personal correspondence.
14. Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, Mar. 1997, 27–28.
15. Personal correspondence.
16. "I Am a Child of God," Children's Songbook, 2–3.
17. First Presidency letter, 10 Dec. 2001.
18. Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2, 202.
19. Personal correspondence.
20. Gordon B. Hinckley, "Walking in the Light of the Lord," Ensign, Nov. 1998, 99.
21. Mosiah 18:8–9.