Bonnie D. Parkin
Relief Society General President

Address Given at the Fall 2006 Open House

Introduction
Dinner—or supper as her Grandma used to call it—was the only thing on Carolyn Hanson’s mind the afternoon she stopped at a new-to-her produce stand to buy a few ears of corn. She said, “I was amazed at how quickly summer had passed. The season of fresh farm produce would soon be over. I pulled off of Main Street and got out of the car. ‘You’d better just give me six ears,’ I said to a pleasant man. I fumbled for $1.50 as he happily sacked up six ears plus one.

“ ‘How was your day today?’ he asked. We started into a small conversation about trivial matters—the beginning of school, the weather, and his corn crop.

“A feeling began in my heart and persisted: ‘Stay and talk.’ Plans for dinner went on hold as I settled into the corn wagon and continued the conversation. Our small talk expanded to hometown matters, Church callings and my hopes for a mission to be served with my husband. His twinkling eyes smiled and he said, ‘Good for you! I hope your plans turn out well.’

“With a twinge of sadness he recounted his hope for a mission cut short by his wife’s illness and passing several years earlier. Our conversation turned to her life and death, and then I asked, ‘How are you doing?’ ”

Now sisters, I have to tell you that Sister Hanson can ask this question in a heartfelt way that says, “I really want to know.”

And so, with misty eyes the man said to her, “ ‘Today is our wedding anniversary.’ The moment hung in time, and it seemed the universe aligned for a shared grief. ‘You need to celebrate this day.’ I said. ‘She is still your wife, and it is still your anniversary!’ ”

Sister Hanson concluded: “A casual conversation changed through the influence of the Spirit. Tears and a hug erased the traffic. Just a few feet off of the highway, we stood on hallowed ground.”¹

Sister Hanson followed the inner promptings of the Spirit and reached outward to give comfort. The Holy Ghost is key to our personal ministry. Her schedule was not the most important that day. She had not been assigned to give comfort at that produce stand. But as she responded to the Spirit, she unexpectedly blessed someone else’s life and shared in that joy. She was living in a way that allowed her to understand her personal ministry and then to act upon it.

Purpose
I hope that you will let my heart minister to your hearts today. I pray that the Spirit will speak to you in some way, so that you’ll have a desire to know what your personal ministry is and how the Lord can help you perform it.

Perhaps you’re wondering why I decided to speak to you about personal ministry. Let me explain. As a presidency, Sister Hughes, Sister Pingree, and I were blessed for a number of years to work with a great priesthood leader, Elder Dale E. Miller of the Seventy. During that time, the four of us learned to counsel well together. He continually ministered to us by listening to us.

One of the things we loved about him was how he shared the ideas that were currently occupying his heart and mind. One of those topics was personal ministry, and our rich discussion about it has prompted these thoughts I want to share with you at this time. Elder Miller’s insights caused me to think more about my own personal ministry as I serve in my current calling. I recall feeling initially like I didn’t have time for personal ministry. Yet by keeping it in my mind and heart, I’ve discovered that I have many opportunities to minister.

Definition
Let’s pause for a moment and make certain we understand exactly what ministering is. What is your definition?

According to the dictionary, “to minister” is to attend to the needs and wants of others. To members of the Church, ministering is doing God’s work in His way. The Bible Dictionary states, “The work of the ministry is to do the work of the Lord on the earth—to represent the Lord among the people . . . The chosen servants and appointed officers in the Church of Jesus Christ are put on earth by him to conduct the work necessary for the salvation of mankind.”² Clearly, ministering is a holy, even sacred word. When priesthood leaders speak of personal ministry, they often refer to the ministry of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the miraculous things He did in our behalf.

Think of a time when someone has ministered to you. While you’re thinking, let me share one of mine: A few Sundays ago I was in my home ward for sacrament meeting. When my ward Relief Society president offered the opening prayer, she prayed for me by name and asked that I be able to meet my responsibilities in the upcoming general Relief Society meeting. I definitely felt ministered to and loved.

Now each of you turn to the sister next to you and take 30 seconds to share a time when someone ministered to you. Now I think we’re ready to hear from some of you. Sisters, if you’d like to share an example of ministering with us, please stand, wait until a sister reaches you with a microphone and then speak directly into it.

Thank you sisters for sharing. Now, let’s think for a minute about why we minister to one another. One of the reasons is because we have made covenants to do so. Alma taught us that we entered into a covenant with the Lord at the time of our baptism. We specifically committed “to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light . . . and . . . mourn with those that mourn . . . and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”³ As we minister to each other, Alma promised that the Lord would “pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon [us].”⁴ Thus, we are individually blessed when we serve one another!

As Alma’s people honored this covenant to nurture each other, an incredible thing happened: “They did walk uprightly before God, imparting to one another both temporally and spiritually according to their needs and their wants.”⁵ In other words, Alma’s people moved toward becoming a more Zion-like people.

The Savior’s Example
The Savior’s life was one of service and sacrifice, of teaching and testifying, of loving and living—in behalf of others. We can follow His admonition to: “follow me, and do the things which ye have seen me do.”⁶

His charge to Peter to “feed my lambs . . . feed my sheep”⁷ is a plea for us to care for one another—to nourish, to tend, to watch over His precious flock. We accomplish this most important work through ministering to our sisters and their families.

Let’s look closely for a minute at how the Savior ministered. By examining His life, we truly can offer Christ-like service. Consider the following:

• He ministered personally to His people; He knew them individually, because he walked and worked among them.⁸ Do you know all your sisters by name? Do you know their hearts? Do you spend time with them? Do you visit them in their homes?
• The Savior ministered to both the repentant and the unrepentant. Are there times when we think we don’t need to seek out and serve those who don’t attend church?
• He lifted the downtrodden and gave hope to the discouraged.⁹ Sisters, I believe that’s what you’re doing every day in so many ways!
• The Savior recognized the potential of others and called them to help Him in the work of His kingdom.¹⁰ Sisters, do we struggle to call others to help us? Do we delegate? Quite literally, delegation is another way to minister to our sisters by helping them learn their duties, expand their vision, and increase opportunities for their own personal ministry.
• The Savior listened. Do we?
• He led by example.¹¹ Do those you have been called to lead see your example of ministering? As they do, they will be motivated to act on their own spiritual promptings and experience the joy of personal ministry.

There were no bounds as to whom, where, or when Jesus would reach out and extend Himself to others. He taught, healed, prayed with, mentored, and counseled others in homes, on mountainsides, beside the sea, and on dusty roads. As members of His Church, we testify that the Savior nurtured—and continues to nurture—anyone and everyone, anytime, anywhere.

The Savior does this as a natural consequence of who He is. Nurturing is at the core of His divine character. It is the outward expression of His inward eternal values. The Savior’s incomprehensible Atonement in our behalf is the ultimate example of how He has nurtured and ministered to us. Can there be a greater ministry than His offering His life in order to provide a way for us to be forgiven of our sins and receive eternal life and exaltation?

As we seek to emulate the Savior, we should remember that our personal ministering of others is more than what we do to and for them. It is about who we are and are becoming. Acquiring the attributes to minister or to nurture is part of the eternal process of becoming like Christ, which happens as we develop pure motives for our service and then act upon them.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught, “Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind.”¹² Such gentle watchcare, rather than heavy-handed instruction, is in the spirit of true ministering.

That ministering spirit is why Relief Society was established for women. As Joseph Smith said, “This is according to your natures—it is natural for females to have feelings of charity—you are now placed in a situation where you can act according to those sympathies which God has planted in your bosoms. If you live up to these principles how great and glorious!”¹³

Ministering through Relief Society
Indeed, ministering is the essence of what we do in Relief Society, isn’t it? It is reflected in our purpose; our motto; and, for me, the building where my office is located. On October 3, 2006, the Relief Society Building will be 50 years old. I would like to show you a brief video that depicts how this building, “our home,” is a symbol of our devotion to the Savior and His work. I think it beautifully illustrates how the purpose of Relief Society is to assist the priesthood in helping sisters and their families to come unto Christ.¹⁴ The building is evidence of the ministering of our early sisters.

Yes, as sisters in Relief Society, our ministry includes exercising Christlike charity and nurturing those in need. It encompasses programs that assist women in the Church to build faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, to teach the doctrines of the kingdom of God, and to recognize their divine worth. We are Relief Society leaders throughout the world who must catch the full vision of this divinely established organization for women on the earth.

Once we can take such an elevated view, we can experience a sense of belonging as we share and embrace the same purposes and goals. At times, we can become distracted by a whole list of good pursuits, but the bottom line is that the essential divine instruction we have received is to minister to the needs of others. If we offer our whole selves in such service, we can assure our sisters in Relief Society that they are loved by their Heavenly Father, as they feel nurtured and loved by us. One Relief Society leader explains, “The good news minute has been an answer to our prayers as a presidency. The sisterhood in the ward has grown tremendously since we have started sharing the good news with each other. The sisters in our ward look forward to the good news minute every week and remind us if we happen to forget. The young women come in for opening exercises on the first Sunday of the month, and we have invited them to share their good news with us. I hope it is helping to make their transition into Relief Society a little easier. Our best news, by far, came as a result of an experience in a combined meeting with priesthood. By habit, I went into our good news minute after a couple of announcements. The experience was so positive that, after the meeting was over, both the elder’s quorum president and the high priest group leader asked if they could use the good news minute in their meetings.”¹⁵ Sisters, the “Good News Minute” is one idea that can create opportunities for ministering.

I hope you have caught the vision that the flexibility of the new enrichment guidelines also provides ministering opportunities. One stake Relief Society president sent the following message to the women in her stake prior to a stake enrichment meeting on preparedness: “When the weather starts to get cooler in the fall I have such a strong desire to start stocking up on food. We have been taught for years to have a year’s supply of food. Please start now, if you haven’t already. Buy an extra can or two of food every time you shop It all adds up. I would like to challenge each sister to do this. If you already are doing this then take it to the next level and get your 72-hour kit ready. Next try a month’s supply of food. Last but not least, work on getting your house in order and getting a year’s supply of food for each person living in your home.”¹⁶

Sisters, we need to follow the counsel of a prophet of God. President Hinckley said, “The best place to have some food set aside is within our homes, together with a little money in savings. The best welfare program is your own welfare program. Five or six cans of wheat in the home are better than a bushel in the welfare granary.”¹⁷ If we are prepared we will be in a better position to minister to others.

In 3 Nephi, the Lord said, “Ye are they whom I have chosen to minister unto this people.”¹⁸ My dear Relief Society leaders, you have been called to minister unto your sisters and their families and to help them come unto Christ. Do you remember the following charge from Elder Henry B. Eyring? He said: “You are called to represent the Savior. Your voice to testify becomes the same as His voice, your hands to lift the same as His hands.”¹⁹ So your calling is to bless lives.

Let me give you an example of this kind of personal touch from a stake Relief Society president. She wrote: “The strongest inspiration that came to me as soon as I was called was to make it personal. That thought would not leave me. Stake callings have been so stereotyped as being administrative in nature, and I was frankly not excited about having a stake calling for that reason. Inspiration to make it personal has made my calling so much more meaningful. I have chosen to personally communicate with each ward president and my counselors do the same.”²⁰

“Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is . . . even so will He clothe you if ye are not of little faith.”²¹ Sisters, if you will have faith, He will inspire you, and you will know who needs your ministering. Let me now share with you some more examples of ways Relief Society leaders have been inspired to minister to the needs of the sisters in their wards and stakes:

• A Relief Society secretary demonstrates caring for others by selecting a different sister to sit with each Sunday. Her goal is to befriend and become more intimately acquainted with the women in Relief Society so that she can understand their particular needs and facilitate their social integration in the ward. Remember, a Relief Society leader who sees herself as a nurturer looks at every interaction as an opportunity to nurture others.
• A Relief Society presidency encourages members of their home, family and personal enrichment meeting committee to find ways to nurture others. Extra food from any meetings is divided and then delivered by the committee members to shut-ins, sisters and families experiencing illness or other needs, or simply to sisters who need a lift. The food is not the actual gift—it is simply an excuse to minister. The real gift comes from the warm hugs and handshakes, the talking and listening, the encouragement and caring.
• In an effort to support their bishopric in blessing the members of their ward, a Relief Society presidency shares their knowledge of particular sister’s challenges and needs—as well as happy things that are happening in their lives with the bishop. This helped the bishopric know each sister individually and how best to bless her life.
• During their annual visiting teaching interviews, the Relief Society presidency tailors questions so that the focus begins and ends with: communicating caring, support, appreciation, and encouragement. “Are you getting your visiting teaching done?” is not the primary focus of their interviews.
• A Relief Society presidency honors the capabilities and gifts of each sister in the ward by allowing for as many sisters as possible to participate in callings, assignments and providing compassionate service to others.

I hope you’ll agree with me in that these are some wonderful ideas that can serve as examples for others. Isn’t it wonderful that there is so much flexibility in how we minister to each other? As you act upon inspiration that you receive, you will know how best to serve your sisters. As I meet with my priesthood leaders, the impressions I receive are that simplification and flexibility allow for more personal ministry. As leaders, sometimes we think we need to do it all. But we are not required to “run faster than [we have] strength.”²²

I’m reminded of a new ward Relief Society president who felt overwhelmed with all she had to do. Her stake Relief Society president could see this and asked, “So how are you doing?”

The new president responded, “I’m learning that I can’t do it all, but what I do know is relief comes when I go visit one of the sisters in my ward.”²³ That’s the circle of ministering: the giver and the receiver are both blessed.

As Relief Society leaders you do a lot of administrative work. But never forget that your greatest joy will come as you individually minister to sisters and their families. In Elder Eyring’s words, your calling “to bless lives . . . will be true even in the most ordinary tasks you are assigned and in moments when you might be doing something not apparently connected to your call. Just the way you smile or the way you offer to help someone can build their faith. And should you forget who you are, just the way you speak and the way you behave can destroy faith.”²⁴

Personal Ministry
Over the course of our lifetimes, we will serve in numerous Church callings, and we will need to learn new sets of responsibilities. However, regardless of where we are serving, we should always be engaged in the process of nurturing and ministering to others. We must see ourselves beyond our temporary roles as presidents, counselors, secretaries, teachers, and so forth, and begin to see ourselves as nurturers. You see, each of us has a personal ministry beyond our Church callings.

Have you ever thought about what your personal ministry is?

At the conclusion of a Utah Board of Higher Education meeting some years ago, Elder Neal A. Maxwell submitted his resignation, saying he did not have time for a personal ministry. Most of the board members assumed he was referring to his apostleship. However, he corrected them, saying it was not his calling as an Apostle, but his personal ministry to the many people to whom he felt a responsibility to comfort. How do we find out what our personal ministry is?

A young mother related: “My understanding of my personal ministry came after experiencing much anguish in my relationships with some of the women in my neighborhood. I felt like there was a lot of competition in all of our lives—myself being one of the most competitive around. This had a negative effect on us all. I didn’t like feeling at odds with my neighbors.

As I read the Book of Mormon one day, Mosiah 4:13 struck me so forcefully as an answer to my concerns in those relationships. It said, ‘And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably, and to render to every man according to that which is his due.’ I knew immediately that this was the missing piece in my relationships: I wasn’t giving people credit for the good that they did, or giving credit for the many talents others had, rather, I was just focused on my own need for recognition.

“With this personal revelation from the Spirit also came a compelling need to acknowledge without fail all the good I observed in others. I was astounded at how quickly the contentious relationships dissolved and soon my ability to love increased in a greater measure. My ministering to those around me is based on this simple verse of scripture. Personally, this was the beginning of my understanding of the power of the Spirit, which will ‘show unto you all things what ye should do.’ ”²⁵

This remarkable woman is my neighbor. I watched her transformation happen. As she learned to love others, it was amazing to see the peace that came into her life.

Our personal ministries should be born of love: love for our Savior, love for ourselves, love for our families, and love for all of God’s children.

We minister to each other through the expression of our faith and our testimonies. This ought to happen during Sunday lessons, visiting teaching, enrichment activities, and even in the simplest exchange with each other.

As a sister was preparing to move from her ward, she expressed to her Relief Society sisters how often she had been strengthened by them: “I so appreciate the gift of your testimonies, your faith, and your example. One of my weaknesses is that spiritually I am ‘prone to wander’—as one hymn describes it—not so much in my behavior but in my thinking. I am grateful for your steadiness. I depended on you to be unwavering. I could always come to church, sit with you a few hours listening to your teachings, your comments, your prayers and testimonies, and I would be drawn back to increased faith and right thinking.”²⁶ For this sister, the women in her ward ministered to her just by being who they were and by attending Relief Society.

An essential part of our personal ministry must be to our families—our husbands, our children, and our grandchildren. I think I worry most about falling short in ministering to my loved ones. Do some of you share that concern? The proclamation on the family teaches that parents are to provide, protect, and nurture their families. Please consider the following questions that are designed to help us assess the application of the proclamation in our lives:

• Specifically, what is your ministry to your family?
• Does your ministry change as children grow and the dynamics shift in your family? If so, how?
• How can you maintain the priority of ministering to your family and nurturing stewardships outside the home?

As we seek to minister to others, remember, service doesn’t have to be a production. A seemingly simple act done in private can make an enormous difference. Indeed, the Savior taught us specifically about how we should serve: But when thou doest alms let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.²⁷

I’d like to share how some remarkable young single adult Relief Society women minister to their sisters. Listen to what they’ve learned.

• Ministering is connecting our sisters with resources.
  One young adult Relief Society president who is a recent convert to the Church observed, “I am finding great joy in ministering to a sister in my ward. She is receiving assistance from the bishop’s storehouse. She will soon turn 30 and is working for just minimum wage. In order to find a better job this sister will need help with interview techniques. In addition, she needs help budgeting and managing her resources. I look forward to helping her and, in doing so, learning more about all aspects of welfare.” ²⁸
  
• Visiting teaching offers opportunities for personal ministry.
  “Last month I had one of those days when everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. I was tired, frustrated, and heavy with discouragement. At around 9:30 p.m. I sat down for the first time all day and tried to catch my breath. My phone rang and I hesitated to answer it not knowing what demand may be placed on me if I did, but I answered it anyway. I was surprised to hear the voice on the other end introduce herself as my visiting teacher. She and her companion were looking for my house but had gotten lost. A few minutes later the sisters were at my door with brownies and lots of energy. They could tell I was exhausted so they promised to stay only a few minutes, just enough time for introductions since they were newly assigned. This pleased me, but when a few minutes had passed, I found myself unable to let them leave. We talked for 40 minutes. The laughter and energy they brought to me that night was exactly what I needed to unwind and rejuvenate. These sisters probably would not say they did anything extraordinary that day or even went out of their way. They were simply living the gospel and fulfilling their calling, yet they brought me exactly what I needed that night—friendship and laughter. I am grateful for their willingness to serve.”²⁹

Visiting teaching must be part of our personal ministry. I want you to look at visiting teaching with new eyes. I have often said that visiting teaching is the heart and soul of Relief Society. I know that my heart has been expanded as I came to recognize that visiting teaching is more than an assignment. It is an opportunity to provide personal ministry.

• Personal ministry doesn’t need to be a production.
  When Stephanie began her first year at UC Berkeley she didn’t have a car. As a result, she was grateful when a member of the ward offered to give her a ride to Church and save her the 45-minute walk. The sister would call her every week and offer her a ride. The next year Stephanie had a car and she was able to return the favor to an inactive sister. Stephanie simply told the sister, “I’ll pick you up for church.” And she was willing to come because Stephanie picked her up. When Stephanie remembered her birthday and took a bouquet of balloons to her at work, the sister was amazed that someone remembered her on her special day. That sister later told Stephanie, “I go to church because I know you care about me.”

Sisters, don’t we appreciate these young sisters? They follow the promptings they receive from the Holy Ghost and minister accordingly

Why Personal Ministry Is Important
Although there are many reasons ministering to others is important, one of the most important is that it allows us to feel the Savior’s love and influence in our own lives.

Both the person being ministered to and the person doing the ministering are blessed by the experience, and such Christ-like service has the power to change lives.

Please listen to the words of a Relief Society sister who understands the transforming power of ministering. “As a young mother and a fairly new member of the Church, I was suffering from clinical depression. A woman whom I did not know very well, a mother of one of my children’s friends, ministered to me as would a loving mother. Incredibly, she saw beyond my attempts to mask my pain. She called me every morning to check on how I was doing.

On one particular day, I was so sad I couldn’t talk to her and simply wept. She drove directly to my home with donuts in hand and exclaimed, ‘I’m spending the day with you!’ With no family close by to help me, her giving heart was a refuge to me. She encouraged me. Periodically, she scolded me. Most of all, she loved me. Through her, I felt the Savior’s love. I believe she acted on the Savior’s behalf when she ministered to me in my darkest hours. Her Christlike service was the balm of healing I so desperately needed to begin my way back.”³⁰

This sister understood, firsthand, how it is through our personal ministering that we help our sisters and brothers in the gospel to access the power of the Atonement in their lives. You see, sisters, we partner with Jesus Christ in bringing relief and healing to those who suffer, mourn, are tempted or feel discouraged.

Frank, a brother in my neighborhood, was in the terminal stages of cancer. His wife, Monica, was his primary caregiver. I asked Monica who had ministered to her in these difficult times. She said it was several young couples in the ward. So I asked Missy, one of these young Relief Society sisters, what had prompted her to minister to Monica and Frank. She responded, “I had never thought of my relationship with [Monica and Frank] as ministry, only as my best effort to help two friends whom I dearly love. Even then, nothing we’ve done has been over the top. But as I watched Monica and Frank with this heavy burden, I found myself constantly thinking of them and wanting to help. My only explanation for this is that I’ve been moved by love.”³¹

When I introduced this topic of personal ministry earlier, I mentioned the rich discussions we had with Elder Miller. On one memorable occasion, he shared one of his “Aha” moments with us, “On a recent Sunday as my wife and I were coming home from church, I remarked that I had finally figured out that the gospel is all about love and relationships. She looked to heaven and said, ‘He finally gets it!’ ”

Love and relationships! That’s what personal ministry is all about!

Sisters, can you see that the Savior’s love is literally transforming? Through it, our hearts are softened; we are uplifted, strengthened, and even healed. I pray that in our ministry as leaders—in the Church and in our homes—those whom we serve will see through us to the Savior and feel His love. I pray that you will seek to know your personal ministry and how the Lord can help you accomplish it. As leaders, I invite you for the next six months to focus some of your ministering to the young single adults in your wards and stakes. I am looking forward to hearing your successes!

Notes

1. Personal Correspondence.
2. Bible Dictionary, "Ministry," 732.
3. Mosiah 18:8-9, emphasis added.
4. Mosiah 18:8-10.
5. Mosiah 18:29.
6. 2 Nephi 31:12.
7. John 21:15-17.
8. Matthew 4:23-24; 3 Nephi 18:31.
9. John 16:33; 3 Nephi 18:31.
10. Matthew 10.
11. John 13:14-15; 3 Nephi 27:27.
12. Teaching, No Greater Call, Part B: Basic Principles of Gospel Teaching—Love Those You Teach, 30.
13. Nauvoo Minutes, March 17, 1842.
14. Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2: Priesthood and Auxiliary Leaders [1998], 193.
15. Personal Correspondence.
16. Personal Correspondence.
17. Gordon B. Hinckley, "To Men of the Priesthood," Ensign, Nov. 2002, 58.
18. 3 Nephi 13:25.
19. Henry B. Eyring, "Rise to Your Call," Ensign, Nov. 2002, 76.
20. Personal Correspondence.
21. 3 Nephi 13:30.
22. Mosiah 4:27.
23. Personal Correspondence.
24. Henry B. Eyring, "Rise to Your Call," Ensign Nov. 2002, 76.
25. 2 Nephi 32:5, personal correspondence.
26. Personal Correspondence.
27. 3 Nephi 13:3.
28. Personal Correspondence.
29. Personal Correspondence.
30. Personal Correspondence.
31. Personal Correspondence.