Life Among the Mormons: A Peculiar People

By Virginia Maughan Kammeyer

We are always occupied in
Building things and taking pride in
Keeping records and percentiles,
Call other people “gentiles,”
Send our young men out recruiting,
Spend our entire lives commuting
Back and forth ’twixt home and church,
And spend a fortune on research
To trace our lines to Celts or Normans.
That’s peculiar? Well, we’re Mormons.

Next month: MIA

Wife: “I thought you were going to light the stove.”

Husband: “I did, but it went out.”

Wife: “Well, light it again.”

Husband: “I can’t. It went out through the roof.”

A Sunday School teacher announced that the following Sunday he would conduct a special lesson, and in the meantime everyone in the class was to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark. A week later, he asked the class members who had read the assignment to raise their hands. Almost everyone did so. “Just as I thought,” the teacher said. “The lesson today will be on honesty instead of Mark. There are only sixteen chapters in the book of Mark.”

Good Spelers Only

A newspaper help wanted advertisement in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, recently sought a young lady who “must be neat and ahcurate.”

“My uncle disappeared while on a hunting trip.”

“What happened to him?”

“Something he disagreed with ate him.”

Primary Teacher: “Tommy, your hands are very dirty. What would you say if I were to come to Primary with dirty hands?”

Tommy: “I’d be too polite to mention it.”

Remember, a whale never gets harpooned until he comes up to spout.

For her first dinner, a young bride served a ham with both ends cut off. Her explanation for the cut ends: “That’s the way Mother always did it.”

The next time his mother-in-law came over, the young husband asked about the cut ends and she said, “That’s the way Mother always did it.”

When Grandma came for dinner one night, the young man asked her why she cut off the ends of hams when she baked them. She said, “That’s the only way I could ever get them to fit into the pan!”