A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.

—Henry Ford, American industrialist

Doctor, examining patient: “You’re working too hard.”

Patient: “I know it, but that’s the only way I can keep up with all the easy payments I’m making.”

Success depends upon the backbone, not the wishbone.

Writer: “At last I have written something that will be accepted by any magazine.”

Friend: “What could that be?”

Writer: “A check for a year’s subscription.”

During an unusually long program, my two-year-old daughter became restless. I told her that if she didn’t settle down she would be taken out and spanked. Ten minutes later, she whispered to me, “Mom, take me out and spank me.”

—Bonnie Schwab, Salt Lake City, Utah

The bishop, in revamping his filing system, labeled his filing cabinets “Sacred” and “Top Sacred.”

The teacher gave one of her students a tough problem. “If your father gave you ten cents and your mother gave you twelve and your uncle gave you six more,” she said, “what would you have?” The student didn’t reply, caught in deep thought. “Come on,” she said, “certainly you can figure out a simple little problem like that.” “It isn’t a simple problem,” was the reply. “I can’t decide whether I’d have an ice cream cone or a hamburger.”

Life Among the Mormons

It was one of those exciting sacrament meetings. The stake president had announced to an overflow congregation the realignment of boundaries, making three wards out of two. He repeated the boundary lines several times to eliminate confusion. Then he went on to announce the names of the three new bishoprics. It was a long and emotional meeting. The impact was even felt by our six-year-old. As we left the meeting she asked apprehensively, “Daddy, are we still Mormons?”

—Mrs. J. Gary Sheets, Holladay, Utah