Speaking of Talks …

It could happen to anyone,
No one’s immune,
And to one poor brother
It was no boon.
He had just moved in
To a brand new ward,
And as always happens,
He got his reward.
The bishop, right off,
Asked him to speak
For a full thirty minutes
The very next week.
The day swiftly came,
But not unexpected,
’Cause he was prepared
And set to be tested.
As he was called to the stand
The people were hushed.
He began fiddling around
And then he just blushed.
He was so embarrassed,
Just stood there mute.
He had left his talk
In his other suit!

James W. Davidson Los Angeles, California

Custodian, answering telephone: “LDS Church.”

Woman caller: “Oh, I’ve got the wrong number!”

Custodian: “No, ma’am, you just got the right number at the wrong time, and for your sake, I wish you’d call this number again.”

Stan and Linda Wood Placerville, California

Our sons are named Nathan and Jared, and with them we were studying a map outlining the movement of the Jaredites. As Daddy explained it all, three-year-old Nathan just couldn’t wait any longer. “Daddy,” he exclaimed, “where are the Nathanites?”

Paige Fluhman Sandy, Utah

Here is a verse from a letter from a missionary soon to return home: “For behold, this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal ‘wife’ of man.”

Monte Thompson Salt Lake City, Utah

I had to leave Relief Society early for a doctor’s appointment and asked one of the sisters if she would pick up my three-year-old son, Ricky, from the nursery.

After meeting Ricky and depositing him on the front seat of her car, she then stopped to talk with a friend for about fifteen minutes. During their conversation, Ricky sat quietly and didn’t move, which prompted the question, “Ricky, why are you so good?”

Ricky started to answer, paused, wrinkled his nose, and made a second attempt at a response but got no further than the first. Finally, in desperation he exclaimed, “Because I just can’t help it!”

Jill Sumner Poway, California

Definitions

Bigot: Anybody who thinks I am one.

Duty: What other people expect me to do whether I want to or not.

Bore: A person who keeps talking about what he has done when I want him to listen to me talk about what I have done.

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t stop at giving advice on making the garden but picks up the hoe and helps.

Morale: Washing the pots and pans too, instead of leaving them for the next time.

Nina Willis Walter Pico Rivera, California

At family home evening we had a discussion on fasting and fast Sunday. We commented to our nine- and 11-year-old children that now they were baptized, they should seriously consider fasting.

A few days later, four-year-old Wendy informed a visitor that she was going to be baptized. Then she added, “After I’m baptized, I don’t get to eat anymore.”

Sharon Peterson Logan, Utah

I had been teaching my three-year-old that our Heavenly Father watches over us at all times. One day, as I was going to hang clothes, I asked her to watch the baby. Before long she followed me outside, and when I asked her why she wasn’t watching the baby, she said, “Heavenly Father is watching her.”

Shana Pierson Twin Falls, Idaho