Each member of my Sunbeam class had taken home a note requesting that he bring 15 cents to pay for his class kit. The following week I was collecting the money when one three-year-old solemnly came forward, dropped his money into my hand and said, “I’ll take my kitten now.”
Brigham City, Utah
While studying for his Primary graduation, our twelve-year-old son, Curtis, was reciting the thirteen Articles of Faith to us. He did very well until he reached the last one, when he proclaimed very forcefully, “We believe in being honest, true, chaste, and belligerent.”
Bassano, Alberta, Canada
When my bishop husband stayed home one weekend evening the children were pleased, but made no particular comment. But when he stayed home the following night, six-year-old Candace asked with some concern. “Is Daddy still the bishop?”
Barbara R. Pixton
When a friend teased Uncle Bob about sleeping in sacrament meeting, he replied, “Well, didn’t we just sing ‘There Is an Hour of Peace and Rest’?” “Yes” agreed the friend, “but you had an hour and a half.”
Mary-Rose H. McMullin
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
As my two-and-a-half year old daughter was praying she asked, “And please bless my sore little foot.” After a long, thoughtful pause, she fumbled around, then held up her foot, and added, “This one!”
San Diego, California
Listening to two children as they played together at “giving talks,” a mother was concerned but amused at the opening sentence used each time: “I’m sorry I haven’t much for you tonight, but I was assigned at the last minute.”
Joan P. Pearce
West Monkseaton, Northumberland, England
A zealous member-missionary must have compiled the map that directed seminary leaders and teachers to a monthly meeting in Frankfurt, Germany, for the instructions urged us to follow the railroad “tracts.”
While I was on a mission in Minnesota, the car my companion and I had broke down on the highway. We had no alternative but to hitch a ride into the nearest town for help. The man who stopped to give us a ride turned out to be a local minister. As we climbed into his car, we identified ourselves as Latter-day Saint missionaries, and then asked him what he knew about our church. At that, he looked at us with a whimsical expression on his face and commented, “This seems to be quite a unique way to get your missionary work done.”
Richard B. Howard
Remember those book titles you used to make up as a child, like “How to be a Dentist” by I. Pullem? Well, it seems that truth, once more, outdoes fiction.
Jack Nixon, a cataloger at Brigham Young University’s Harold B. Lee Library, has assembled a list of genuine book titles that are related in some way to their authors or compilers.
For instance, there’s Your Guide to Foot Health by Morton Walker, and Fighting Terms by Thom Gunn.
Then, if you’re ready for these, there are The Imperial Animal by Lionel Tiger and Robin Fox, and For the Temple, A Tale of the Fall of Jerusalem, illustrated by Solomon J. Solomon.
Now try these: Termites and Soils by T. G. Wood.
Problems of Mind and Matter by John Wisdom.
Annotated Bibliography of Korean Music by Bangson Song.
Police Programs for Preventing Crime and Delinquency, edited by Dan Pursuit.
Here’s a couple of author-title links that need a little more imagination: Spectroanalysis of Stars by Julius Scheiner, and Air Pollution and Its Control by Robert W. Coughlin.
So far, Brother Nixon has about 60 titles on his ever-growing “funny” list, but he thinks he’ll quit when he finds a book titled How to Manage a Library by C. Ata Log.