Eternal exaltation seems hopelessly beyond me. How is it humanly possible to achieve perfection or even keep on top of the daily duties?

Carma Cutler, Beehive advisor, Twenty-third Ward, Boise West Stake I have a lot of empathy for those who feel this way. I have been there. The key to overcoming these feelings lies in conversion—true conversion, the kind of conversion Paul, Alma, and Enos talked about. I remember the first years of my married life as being very frustrating. We attempted to live the gospel as we had been taught, doing all of the obvious things: keeping the Word of Wisdom, paying tithing, attending meetings. But I did not feel the joy that is promised by doing so. I found myself envying our friends and relatives who were partially active or completely inactive in the Church. They seemed to have “the world by the tail,” and life was full of fun for them. I began seeking after the things of the world—expensive clothes, fancy hairdos and I developed a drive to “keep up with the Joneses.” I found myself wanting to get a babysitter more and more so we could be with our friends, go places, and have parties. It wasn’t until I truly became converted that I was able to change the way I felt. May I share my conversion with you?

One Sunday after hearing an inspiring lesson in Sunday School I went home full of enthusiasm and a desire to be a better person. Of course that was not the first time I had had the desire for self-improvement, but due to a lack of will-power and self-control, the things of the world and habits I had developed soon took over and I would lose the drive. I was aware of many of my sins (not all), but I had become very good at rationalizing. I felt I had enough good points to make up for the bad ones, and I used the good old phrase “nobody is perfect” very often.

But this day was to be different. That evening I started reading a book I had borrowed: Doctrines of Salvation, by Joseph Fielding Smith. I read for quite some time when all of a sudden a most terrible feeling came over me. I knew what I was reading was true but I felt negative about it. I read on, thinking that things would get better, but I soon found myself in a state of mental anxiety I had never known before. It seemed that everything I had ever done wrong came flooding back into my memory and I could no longer rationalize. I became very desperate, desperate to know where I stood with the Lord! I was brought to my knees in fervent prayer. I prayed and prayed but received no relief. I was prompted several times to fast. I had never really fasted before; I had gone without food on Fast Sunday, but I had never really fasted. But being in such a terrible state of mind, I began to fast. At the end of my fast. I knew what I had to do, but as rebellious as I am, I didn’t want to do it! I had been told to go to my husband, Clint, and tell him of all these things that were bothering me. I just couldn’t do that! I was sure he wouldn’t understand! I pleaded with the Lord to let me straighten everything out alone first. I promised him I would get our home back in order, encourage and support Clint in his priesthood callings, shape up myself, and then I would talk to Clint. The Spirit insisted I tell him now. I still resisted. When I would make up my mind to do it my way, a terrible feeling would bear down on me. But when I would consider the Lord’s way, a peaceful feeling would come upon me. I continued to wrestle with this spirit for several days until finally one evening I met Clint at the door (I didn’t even give him a chance to eat dinner), took him to a room, and began pouring my heart out to him. He handled me and all of these problems and feelings I had with kindness and loving understanding, forgiving me for all, just as the Lord knew he was capable of doing. And for the first time in many days, peace entered my soul.

That evening, Clint and I began reading the book Jesus the Christ together. I found myself looking forward to this reading time like I used to look forward to a TV show or a trip out to get some ice cream. But it wasn’t just that book. I looked forward to Sunday School and Relief Society classes and sermons from the pulpit. Everything took on a new meaning for me; it was as though I were hearing the gospel for the first time—even the old familiar hymns became prayers to me.

I remember praying from time to time, as I would give thanks to the Lord for opening my eyes, that he would never let me forget that experience. I was afraid that as time went on I would forget and gradually slip back to my old patterns and habits. I am sure if I had known what I was praying for then, I would have hesitated, because the Lord answered that prayer and once again I entered my “Gethsemane.” This time it was more severe. It was both terrible and marvelous—terrible because I came to know Satan’s powers and influence; marvelous because I came to know the nature of God and his Son, Jesus Christ, and I learned the role of the Holy Ghost as he brought me to this knowledge and understanding.

I am sure that after coming through that experience I did not look any different to the people around me or even seem any different, but I was different inside. I no longer looked at the world or the people in it the same. Through the power of God I had overcome some great obstacles and tremendous fears I had always had, and I possessed an obsession to seek for eternal exaltation. The way to perfection is not easy nor do we achieve it overnight. The Lord has told us it is not easy. I have come to know the meaning of “opposition in all things.” (See 2 Ne. 2:11–16.)

But this I have learned: you can endure any situation if you have the Spirit of the Lord with you—even the day-to-day performance of monotonous duties. It is this great spirit of conversion that changed Peter from one who feared to a man who died for Christ. It is this spirit that touched our early pioneer ancestors to give up everything they owned to establish Zion in the tops of the mountains. This same spirit prevails with the thousands of converts all over the world who give up the things and even the people they love to be with a body of Saints.

Eternal exaltation is an individual thing. Seeking for a divine witness as to whether it is worth working for is a step in the right direction. Ask God humbly and sincerely, “Where do I stand with you, Heavenly Father?” Then be prepared to receive his answer. Once you know, you can come to know the joy and blessing of living the abundant life.