The ward leaders were gathered in the bishop’s office for one of the innumerable Sunday meetings and the harried second counselor was called on to offer the invocation. He stood and bowed his head to offer the prayer. After a moment of obvious silence, he turned his head and quietly inquired “Bishop, which meeting is this?”

Kathleen M. Widdison Yorba Linda, California

Part of our ward had just been made into an independent branch, and the stake president had asked the new branch president to give an extemporaneous talk. When the nearly bald brother took the stand, he began, “The stake president asked me to say a few words off the top of my head, and as you can see, there isn’t much there.”

Paula J. Lewis Ft. Riley, Kansas

We ward Primary officers were holding an executive meeting in the president’s living room. During a fervent discussion, the president reached down for her baby, raised the cuddly body to her shoulder, and began burping it. After speaking for another minute or two, she suddenly stopped and took a suspicious look at her shoulder. Embarrassment reddened her face when she discovered that instead of cuddling her baby, she had been affectionately patting a large teddy bear!

Kathryn Jasperson Tillamook, Oregon

Many children will fuss for a drink after they’ve been put into bed, when that really isn’t what they want. Our three-year-old was much more to the point. One night after all the lights were out, Andy called, “I need some attention in my bedroom, Mama.”

Rebecca Ortega Ogden, Utah

A Mormon family in California was looking for a house to buy when their non-Mormon realtor took them to see the home another Mormon family was selling. As he was taking the new family into the basement, the realtor, who had sold the home to the present occupants, remembered the wine cellar located there. He said, “I know, of course, that you don’t drink wine; it will be very interesting to see what a Mormon does store in a wine cellar.” With that he flung open the closet door, looked at the rows of white plastic bottles, and gasped, “Clorox????”

Mildred Chandler Austin Provo, Utah

Standing in front of the congregation at a recent stake conference, the stake president read several announcements from his notes. He had been in meetings most of the morning and seemed to have a lot on his mind. After completing the announcements, he said, “We will open this conference by singing hymn number seventy-one, ‘I Have Work Enough to Do.’”

Lynne Pope Tucker, Georgia

One day my son Richard and his friend were playing on the floor with some toy cowboys and Indians. As they arranged each tiny figure, the friend asked, “Whose side are you going to be on?”

Without any hesitation Richard replied, “I’m on the Lord’s side. Whose side are you on?”

The friend decided that he was on the Lord’s side too, so instead of having a battle between the traditional rivals, they had the Indians help the cowboys plant corn and round up the horses!

Diann Ballard Lalliss North Salt Lake, Utah

The bishop of our campus ward lived in a lovely home with a deck that overlooked a canyon. The canyon offered such a tremendous view of the city below that it was reputed to be the local “lover’s lane.” That Christmas when the bishop was given a large telescope for stargazing, a rumor began to creep through the ward that he was not really gazing at the stars but was actually “watching his flock by night.”

Lorna Burnett Richland, Washington

[illustration] Illustrated by Phyllis Luch