What has feet and legs and nothing else? Stockings.
Who makes a living by driving his customers away? A taxi driver.
When is a soprano like an ocean liner? When she’s on the high C’s.
What is nothing but holes tied to holes and yet is strong as steel? A chain.
Why is an empty matchbox better than all other boxes? Because it is matchless.
If a boy broke his knee, where could he get a new one? At the butcher shop, where they sell kidneys.
Mama Owl: Baby Owl worries me. Papa Owl: Why? Mama Owl: He never gives a hoot about anything.
Henry: I can lie in bed in the morning and watch the sunrise. Harry: That’s nothing. I can sit in the dining room and watch the kitchen sink!
John: The garden hose, the cabbage, and the tomato had a race. Mary: I bet the hose came out in the long run. John: No. The cabbage came out ahead, the tomato was trying to catch up, and the hose was still running.
Why is it dangerous to walk in the country in springtime? Because the grass is full of blades and the trees are shooting upward.