Lesson Thirty-three: They Twain Shall Be One

Family Home Evening Resource Book, (1997), 132


[Marriage is] without beginning of days or end of years. … It lays the foundation for worlds, for angels, and for the Gods; for intelligent beings to be crowned with glory, immortality, and eternal lives. In fact, it is the thread which runs from the beginning to the end of the holy Gospel of Salvation; … it is from eternity to eternity. [Brigham Young, Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1941), p. 195.]

PURPOSE

Honor a family member who is soon to be married, and teach family members the importance of the marriage covenant.

FOR THE PARENT

If possible, make this one of the last home evenings before the wedding. Make this a time to honor the bride or groom and to remind her or him of the sacred nature of marriage.

PREPARATION

Ask family members to think of qualities of the person to be married that will contribute to a happy marriage. They should be prepared to share these qualities at home evening.

SUGGESTED HYMNS AND SONGS

“Love at Home” (Hymns, no. 294).

“How Beautiful Thy Temples, Lord” (Hymns, no. 288).

“Families Can Be Together Forever” (on page 5 of this book; Hymns, no. 300; Children’s Songbook, p. 188).

“I Love to See the Temple” (Children’s Songbook, p. 95).

SUGGESTED LESSON

Marriage Ordained of God

Explain that the family member you are honoring will soon be leaving the family circle to begin a new family of his or her own, and this is as it should be. Getting married and raising a family is an important part of the Lord’s plan for us.

Invite each family member to tell of a quality the person to be married has that will contribute to a happy marriage. For example, a person might say, “I think the person being married will be a good mother because she knows how to make us feel better when we are hurt, like the day I fell and hurt my knee,” or “I think the person being married will be a good father because he is so kind to children.”

Remind the family that there are some basics that are essential if any marriage is to be successful. Ask them to tell what things they feel are necessary if a marriage is to be successful and happy. Show the pictures included with this lesson one at a time, and have the family decide what is depicted in each one.

Then have someone read the statements that accompany each of the pictures. The eight pictures represent love, trust, appreciation, communication, children, financial security, spirituality, and a sense of humor.

Record Keeping—Another Essential

Explain that another essential for a new family is record keeping. Give a blank family group sheet to the person about to marry during home evening, and suggest that he fill it out while the information is fresh in his mind. Parents should remember to update their own family group sheet also. Emphasize that the new family should keep records current as other milestones are reached in their family.

Gifts for the Newly Married (Optional)

Before this home evening, you may want to prepare small inexpensive gifts that the newly married couple will need. You could select an appropriate scripture verse and attach it to each package. Following are a few ideas:

Item

Scripture

1. Box of salt

Luke 14:34: “Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned?”

2. Measuring spoons or a measuring cup

1 Chronicles 23:29: “For the unleavened cakes, and for that which is baked in the pan, and for that which is fried, and for all manner of measure and size.”

3. Book of scripture

Matthew 4:4: “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.”

4. Alarm clock

Doctrine and Covenants 88:124: “Cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.”

5. Favorite bread recipes

Ruth 2:14: “At mealtime come thou hither, and eat of the bread.”

6. Small jar of honey

Proverbs 24:13: “Eat thou honey, because it is good.”

7. Pitcher, cups, or glasses

Proverbs 5:15: “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.”

8. Soap, detergent, towels, shampoo, toothpaste, washcloths, dish towels, paper towels

Isaiah 1:16: “Wash you, make you clean.”

During home evening, instruct the one being married to read the accompanying scripture, try to guess from the words what the package contains, and then open the package and show the gift to the family.

A Family Meal

You may want to have a family dinner to honor the person being married. To give advice to this person, you may want to place pieces of paper with scriptures written on them under each plate and read them as the meal progresses. You could use scriptures such as the following or other pieces of advice:

A Father’s Blessing

You may want to make arrangements to give a father’s blessing to the family member getting married. It could be given at the end of this family night, on the day of the wedding or at another appropriate time.

Love

“There is something besides instinct which is far more beautiful and that something is Love, the divinest attribute of the human soul. There is no difficulty, there is no sorrow, there is no success, there is no fame, there is no wealth, there is nothing in the world which can separate two hearts that are bound by the golden clasp of love.” (David O. McKay, Secrets of a Happy Life [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1960], pp. 36–37.)

Children

“The command to multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it comes from the Lord also. To refuse to bear or refrain from the bearing of children is an error of omission. Of course, the mere bringing of children into the world does not fulfill the obligation. Nor have parents met all their responsibilities when they feed and clothe and give schooling and entertainment to their offspring. The great parental responsibility is not met unless fathers and mothers do all in their power to train their children to pray and walk uprightly before the Lord, giving proper example and positive verbal teaching.” (Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1969], p. 97.)

Spirituality

“Let us live so that the spirit of our religion will live within us, then we will have peace, joy, happiness and contentment, which makes such pleasant fathers, pleasant mothers, pleasant children, pleasant households, neighbors, communities and cities. That is worth living for, and I do think that the Latter-day Saints ought to strive for this.” (Brigham Young, Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1941], p. 204.)

Trust

“I beg of you to lay the foundations of the home on a solid, firm foundation of love, trust, and faith. Start the day with family prayer. Kneel together before you retire. There may have been some rough edges through the day, and a good way to smooth them out is by kneeling together in prayer.” (Harold B. Lee, Strengthening the Home [pamphlet, 1973], pp. 7–8.)

Communication

“Marriage counselors report that one of the major family problems today is the inability of mates to talk things over. … Just living together does not weld two persons into a loving, understanding oneness; this may materialize only as husband and wife open their hearts and minds to each other, so that a two-way street is paved for sharing hopes and aspirations as well as problems, so that plans may be democratically and wisely made.

“What can be done to help lubricate the wheels of communication between husband and wife?

  1. “1.

    Develop a desire to share ideas with one’s mate. …

  2. “2.

    Try to talk with rather than to or at each other. …

  3. “3.

    Be a good listener. …

  4. “4.

    Learn to accept each other’s opinions and feelings. …

  5. “5.

    Keep confidences.” (Rex A. Skidmore, I Thee Wed, rev. ed. [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1964], pp. 41–43.)

Financial Security

“Brethren and sisters, plan and work in a way that will permit you to be happy even as you do without certain things that in times of affluence may have been available to you. Live within your means and not beyond them. Where you have a plot of land, however small, plant a garden. Staying close to the soil is good for the soul. Purchase your essentials wisely and carefully. Strive to save a portion of that which you earn. Do not mistake many wants for basic needs.

“Teach your children these basic principles in your family councils.” (Spencer W. Kimball, in Conference Report, Apr. 1981, pp. 107–8; or Ensign, May 1981, p. 80.)

Appreciation

“May you young husbands realize that the home is your wife’s castle where from morning till night she toils to build. … For you to fail to appreciate her efforts or to disregard the sanctity of her home and its orderliness by your careless habits, would be to put into her mind the dangerous thought that her husband doesn’t appreciate her efforts. You young wives must realize that as your companion comes home from his day’s labor, he comes sometimes with nerves that are taut with the tensions of that day’s efforts, hoping to find in you someone to give him the strength and the courage to go back inspired and better prepared to meet the problems of the next day. To nag and to scold and to fail to appreciate his problems is to fail in being the companion that he needs.” (Harold B. Lee, Youth and the Church [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1970], p. 178.)

Sense of Humor

“A sense of humor may save numerous difficult or awkward situations, turning them into pleasant experiences. …

“In addition to making life more pleasant for all concerned, a sense of humor also helps cushion the bumps along the road of living together. Every situation has at least two sides, and what is emphasized may bring entirely different results. It is important to look at the good side of people and experiences.” (Rex A. Skidmore, I Thee Wed, pp. 53–54.)