“How do I get my parents to understand that I feel differently than they do about some things?”

Answer/Brother Ernest L. Eberhard, Jr.

Generally speaking, parents and children always have had and will likely continue to have different points of view on certain matters. But please remember that your parents know this. It does not have to be brought to their attention. When significant differences come up, the question we need to ask is, How can these few differences best be resolved for the good of all concerned?

Some differences may arise because parents can see the slippery, rocky, and faintly marked sections of the road that perhaps you cannot see. It has been very impressive to me to see how each generation, when it is grown, expresses strong gratitude for the wise counsel and guidance of their parents—yet it was this guidance that seemed so restrictive only a few years earlier.

Occasionally, when and if a serious difference of opinion exists, parents and youth might ask themselves, What is right from the Lord’s point of view? It might help for you to be acquainted with the advice given to parents by the Lord in Doctrine and Covenants 68:28 [D&C 68:28]: “And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” This is a commandment to parents, “or the sin will be upon the heads of the parents.” If your differences with your parents come because you are deviating from the teachings and practices of the gospel, conscientious parents will feel keenly about pointing this out to you. The problem then becomes not one of disagreement with your earthly parents but one of disagreement with your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Here are some ways to positively and happily resolve differences of opinion in a family.

1. With a desire to learn the Lord’s will, pray sincerely that the Holy Ghost may assist you in reaching a solution that is good.

2. Enter wholeheartedly into family home evening in your home, where opportunity is given for each member of the family to express himself in a spirit of constructive comment.

3. If other kinds of differences suggest discussion at other times, bring them up when your family is in a period of peace, goodwill, and happiness.

4. Be sure your differences are more than molehills—items only temporarily important. Don’t destroy the love you have for each other over matters that likely will not be very important to you ten years from now.

5. Keep your discussions low-key, and don’t wait until you are angry and upset.

6. Listen to your parents. Hear them out; then ask them to hear you out. But remember that sometimes parents and youth talk too much about their problems. Silence properly used is golden.

7. Let your parents think over your point of view. You shouldn’t ask them to make hasty, ill-advised decisions.

8. When all else fails, be patient. Remember the great comment, “This too will pass.” If you really do feel like rejecting their counsel, weigh and examine your own conclusions. I’ve always found it a good thing to take each reason I think is a good one on my side and ask if it really holds up. And sometimes it doesn’t. You’ll probably find this same thing true when you examine some of your reasons.

One last thing: My answer here is to a question about the differences that exist. It’s always easy to see or sense some of these differences. But don’t forget all that you hold in agreement with your parents—the gospel, your love for each other, many good experiences, countless choice times together, many memories, many sacrifices, common beliefs and ideals on many matters. When you add it all up, you’ll be amazed at how much you and your parents agree upon. It would be so foolish to take a difference that may represent only 1 percent of your total contact with your parents and blow it up out of proportion, especially when you agree on the remaining 99 percent. How sad that some youth have done this and have destroyed their relationship with those who are really their best friends, especially in a day when real, honest, and eternally true friends are hard to come by.