1994
Gossip: How to Stop It
May 1994


“Gossip: How to Stop It,” Tambuli, May 1994, 28–29

Gossip: How to Stop It

Thoughtless or unkind words can ruin a reputation, alter a relationship, change the course of a life.

Here’s how to avoid gossip.

Something to Talk About

When is it gossip, and when is it just conversation? Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Would you feel good repeating it to the person you are talking about?

  • Is there a sensational, larger-than-life, worse-than-bad aspect to it?

  • Does it make a person look good or bad?

  • Is it verifiable fact or speculation?

  • Have you heard different versions of the same story? If so, chances are that none of them are true.

  • What are the motives of the person giving the information?

  • Do you feel uplifted or degraded after hearing it?

When It Rears Its Ugly Head

Your friends will trust you more if you don’t gossip. They’ll feel confident that you won’t say anything bad about them. But just in case someone starts to gossip and you don’t want to be involved, here are some ideas you might try:

  • Change the subject.

  • Stay with the subject, but point out something positive. For example, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that side of her personality, but I do know she has been nice to me.”

  • Turn the spotlight on the gossiper. For example, “It sounds like you don’t like Sam much. Why do you think you’re uncomfortable around him?”

  • Keep quiet. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words—and it’s hard to gossip single-handedly.

  • Say exactly how you feel. For example, “I like you a lot and we have fun together, but I always feel awful when we gossip. Let’s not do it.”

Your Own Medicine

Gossip can be addicting. Here are some ways to break the habit:

  • THINK about how you feel after you’ve passed along a rumor. Do you feel good about yourself? How do you feel when you say something nice about someone?

  • READ the thirteenth article of faith, 2 Thessalonians 3:11, and 1 Peter 4:15. [A of F 1:13; 2 Thes. 3:11; 1 Pet. 4:15]

  • PRAY AND STUDY THE SCRIPTURES to feel the love of Heavenly Father. We often gossip because we feel inadequate about ourselves.

  • SUBSTITUTE another activity. When you are tempted to gossip, do or say something constructive instead.

  • LOOK for your motives. Are you talking about others because you care about them, or are you putting them down to make yourself look better?

  • SEE others as beloved children of God. Would you want to offend him by saying something destructive about one of his children?

  • REALIZE that you are not perfect either. Think of negative things others could say about you if they wanted to. Wouldn’t you rather leave those things unsaid?

Photograph by John Luke