“I lost a dear friend recently. How do I deal with the grief?” Liahona, February 2015, 60–61
Questions & Answers
“I lost a dear friend recently. How do I deal with the grief?”
The death of a friend is one of the most difficult trials you can face. Grieving is a normal feeling after such a loss. You feel sad because you cared for your friend. “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die” (D&C 42:45).
Some of the difficult feelings that can come during the grieving process include sadness, anger, hopelessness, fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and feeling overwhelmed. But at the same time, people who grieve often feel peace as they seek the Lord and draw near to Him; they are receiving His promise: “Blessed are all they that mourn, for they shall be comforted” (3 Nephi 12:4). Grief hurts, but it also heals.
As you work through your feelings, try to focus on the positive. Treasure the good memories you have of your friend. Pray to feel the Savior’s peace and comfort. Find hope in Heavenly Father’s love, goodness, and plan of salvation.
Feeling grief doesn’t mean that you don’t have faith. President Thomas S. Monson spoke in general conference about the loss of his wife. He said, “To say that I miss her does not begin to convey the depth of my feelings.” He then spoke of trials and concluded: “We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us” (“I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee,” Liahona, Nov. 2013, 85, 87).
In what ways could your friend’s death inspire you to be better?
Combine Grief and Faith
Grieving is not a bad thing. (It can become bad, however, if you’re constantly depressed.) Combining grief and faith is the best way to adjust to the hardship of losing a loved one. Think about your friend now, in the spirit world, and what your friend could be doing. He or she loves you and wants you to be happy. Learning about the spirit world can increase your understanding of the plan of salvation and bring peace, hope, and faith. Don’t forget to pray to Heavenly Father for help. Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, know exactly how you feel and will help you if you ask sincerely.
Mary G., age 14, Virginia, USA
God Loves Your Friend
Even though it’s hard for you to deal with grief, our Heavenly Father’s plan of salvation can comfort you through the Holy Ghost that someday you can meet your friend again. And remember that life here on earth is just a very short moment for us to be tried and tested. Our Heavenly Father is providing a place for your friend. God loves His children.
Marvin S., age 16, Metro Manila, Philippines
Be Happy for Your Friend
When I have lost people I love, I try to remember that our Heavenly Father has a plan for them and that I can see them again. We can be happy for them because they do not have to suffer the afflictions of this mortal life any longer. It hurts that they are not physically present anymore, but we can look forward to being with them again.
Ariadna T., age 19, Mexico City, Mexico
Find Help in Scriptures
A good friend of mine recently died in a tragic car accident. I have found comfort through coming unto Christ. I had to gain a testimony of Christ’s love for each one of us; I had to understand who we are as children of God; and most importantly I had to understand God’s plan and will for His children. As I turned to Him through scriptures, church, and Church materials, I was able to gain that testimony and feel peace and comfort. Especially helpful was the youth lesson titled “How can I find comfort when someone I care about dies?” All of the scriptures, articles, and videos referenced in this lesson are amazing and have changed my life.
Madilin N., age 18, Iowa, USA