“How much kissing is too much?”

Answer/Dean Lowell L. Bennion

This question is catchy and interesting—but it suggests a quantitative answer. I submit that the “how much” approach desired by the person who is asking the question is the wrong way to look at this issue. The kiss Judas gave Jesus was one too many. So was the first kiss given by a girl I know to a certain fellow, because it led to many more and to a miserable marriage.

The important questions are these: Whom should I kiss? Why? Under what circumstances?

Kissing is a deeply personal and qualitative expression of feeling between two individuals. It must be viewed as a part of their total relationship.

Many things around you encourage you to give affection, such as your physical maturity, movies, advertising, music, stories, articles, and conversation. It is sad that sometimes in this impersonal, materialistic world, some of us fail to build warm human relationships in our family, neighborhood, and even church; consequently, some young people turn to virtual strangers to find acceptance and a sense of belonging.

Granted this is the trend of the day. But there are good reasons why you should be discriminating and self-controlled in your giving of affection. As you are aware, kissing is more stimulating than satisfying; consequently, it invites more and more. Once a couple begins to share affection in a kissing—or in other words, a physical—way, this activity tends to become the focus of interest. Often such a couple ceases to explore the other significant dimensions of personality: mind, character, maturity, religious faith, moral values, and goals.

Affection should grow out of genuine friendship and brotherly love, not precede them, if one wishes to be sure of having real and lasting love in marriage. Kissing for the sake of kissing invites more affection, and many fine young people become more deeply involved than they actually wish to be.

As a guiding principle, I suggest that affection, whether holding hands, walking arm in arm, or kissing, between a young man and woman be consistent in degree and character with the nature of their total relationship. Affection should never be sought after as an end in itself, because this does violence to a person. Let affection grow and flower gradually, as do buds, blossoms, and the fruit of a tree. Let it be a part of a larger, naturally developing relationship that has its roots in a rich companionship of the mind, character, and faith. When and if kissing comes into a relationship is dependent upon the nature and intent of that relationship.