Please Take My Pain Away

The only light came from the glowing numbers of the digital clock. It was very late, and I was lying curled up in bed longing for sleep. I tried desperately to clear my mind. But there was too much to forget, too many memories swirling around in my brain, haunting me.

My conversation with a friend that day had stirred it all up. We had started talking about how much I would miss her when she moved away to school in a few months. We had grown up together in England, and now we would be apart for the first time. We progressed to old memories and then on to arguments we’d had. At first it was just funny, but then we got a little more serious as she told me things other people had said about me years ago. She didn’t think it would bother me. After all, we were all friends now. I had had such a difficult time finding friends back then. Finding out that even my best friends hadn’t liked me, had said things behind my back, affected me in a way I didn’t think it could. Feelings of loneliness rushed back into my memory.

I felt ridiculous. Why should I cry now? But I did. All alone in the dark, tears slipped down my cheeks and soaked my pillow as memory after memory of rejection replayed in my mind.

Abandoning hopes for sleep, I slipped from my bed, tiptoed to the bathroom, and turned on the light. I sat down and buried my face in my hands, sobbing as quietly as I could. I began to pray silently: “Please Heavenly Father, what do I have to do? Can’t the pain be taken away? Please, please take the pain away.” I repeated my plea over and over in my mind.

It happened in an instant. The answer came like a flood of light into my mind. The words were from a talk I’d heard months before, but the meaning had only just sunk in. The scriptures say that Christ would “take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people” (Alma 7:11). The Atonement is not just for sinners! He did not just suffer for my sins, He suffered everything I have suffered or ever will suffer! He knows what I’m going through, and by casting my cares upon Him, I don’t have to suffer old pains. I only needed to have faith.