Fakataha pe Mavahevahe

Mahalo ʻoku mou fakakaukau ʻo pehē, “Ko e foʻi fakamatala pē ʻeni ne fie maʻu ke u laú!” pe “Ko e foʻi fakamatala ʻeni ʻoku fie maʻu ke fanongo ki ai hoku malí!” Mahalo ʻoku mou fakaʻamua ha lisi ʻo ha ngaahi fokotuʻu ʻi he founga ke fehangahangai ai mo e nofo ʻikai ha toe fānau ʻi ʻapí. Ka ko ha foʻi moʻoni ʻeni ne u ʻiloʻi lolotonga e ngaahi taʻu ʻo ʻeku faleʻi e ngaahi hoa malí: taimi lahi, ʻoku tātaaitaha pē ke ʻaonga fuoloa ha lisi ia ʻo ha ngaahi meʻa fakamānako ke fai pe ngaahi founga ke fai ai ha toe fakafehokotaki—tukukehe kapau ʻoku ʻi ai ha fehokotaki fakaeloto ʻoku falalaʻanga.

Neongo kapau ʻoku tau nofo ʻi ʻUlanipaata, Mongokōlia, pe Sao Paulo, Palāsila, ka ko e ngaahi foha mo ha ngaahi ʻofefine kotoa pē kitautolu ʻo e ʻOtuá. Ko ha kakai moʻui kitautolu mo ha ngaahi ongo fakaeloto. ʻE lava ke tau fakahaaʻi ʻetau ngaahi ongó ʻi ha ngaahi founga kehekehe ʻo makatuʻunga ʻi hotau anga fakafonuá mo e tupu haké, ka ʻoku tau maʻu kotoa pē kinautolu—ʻa e ongoʻi tuenoá, liʻekiná, ilifiá, mamahí, fiefiá mo e nēkeneká. Naʻa mo e ngaahi anga fakafonua ʻoku nofo e ngaahi fāmilí ʻi ha ngaahi ʻapi ʻoku ʻi ai e ngaahi toʻu tangata kehekehé, ʻi he tupu ʻa e fānaú ʻo lalahí, ʻoku faʻa iku ʻo māvahevahe ʻa e ongomātuʻá.

ʻOku faʻa pehē mai ʻe he mātuʻa kuo ʻikai toe ʻi ai ha fānau ʻi ʻapí, “Kuo ʻikai toe ʻi ai ha meʻa ia te ma tatau ai.” Pea kapau ko ʻena vakaí ki he ngaahi meʻa ʻoku fie fakahoko ʻe ha tokotaha ʻo fakatatau ki he meʻa ʻoku fie fakahoko ʻe he tokotaha ʻe tahá, ʻoku faʻa moʻoni ia. Ka ʻikai ha fehokotaki fakaeloto, ʻe lava ke tau nofo fakataha mo hotau malí ʻi ha loki pē ʻe taha ka tau kei ongoʻi tuenoa pē.

Ko e hā leva ʻe lava ke fai ʻe ha ongomātuʻa koeʻuhí ke na laka fakataha atu kae ʻikai māvahevahe? Tau kamata ʻaki haʻatau aleaʻi e ngaahi puipuituʻá.

ʻOku tau omi kotoa pē mei ha ngaahi puipuituʻa kehekehe. Kuo tau maʻu ha ngaahi aʻusia mo ʻetau mātuʻá, toenga e fānau ne te tupu hake aí, fāmili mamaʻó, ngaahi kaungāmeʻá, mo e kaungā-ngāué kuó ne oʻi mo liliu e meʻa ʻoku tau fai mo ʻamanaki ki ai ʻi he nofo-malí. Hangē ko ʻení, ʻi he ngaahi taʻu ne tau tupu hake aí, ne faʻa vāofi pe vāmamaʻo fakaeloto nai ʻa kinautolu ne nau tokangaʻi kitautolú? Fakatatau ki hotau ngaahi puipuituʻá, ʻe lava ke tau fakahoko ha fehuʻi mahuʻinga ʻe ua:

• Ko e hā nai e vāofi ʻoku tau loto fiemālie ke fehokotaki ai mo hotau malí?

• ʻOku tau loto fiemālie nai ke fakakau hotau malí he ngaahi ongo fakaeloto ʻoku tau maʻú?

ʻI he taimi ʻoku tau tokanga taha ai ki he ʻulungaanga hotau malí kae ʻikai ke tau vakai ki he hisitōlia ʻo e ʻuhinga naʻá ne maʻu ai e ʻulungaanga ko iá, ʻoku tau faʻa fakatupu haʻanau pehē maʻu ai pē pea mole ʻenau loto vaivaí. ʻI heʻetau maʻu ha fakakaukau mo ha angaʻofa ki he ngaahi taimi faingataʻa ne aʻusia hotau malí lolotonga ʻene tupu haké, te ne faʻa fakatōkakano ha loto holi ke tau maʻu ha loto poupou ange. ʻOku fakatupu ʻe he angaʻofá, angavaivaí mo e angamaluú ha ʻātakai lelei ke vahevahe ai e ngaahi ongo ʻi honau lotó. ʻI heʻetau ako ke talanoa mo hotau malí fekauʻaki mo e ngaahi ongo ʻoku tau maʻú, ko ha liliuʻanga ia ʻi hono lehilehiʻi hake ha ongoʻi malu mo ha fehokotaki fakaeloto.

Naʻe fakahoko ʻe Palesiteni Lāsolo M. Nalesoni ha faleʻi ʻo pehē, “Fetuʻutaki lelei mo homou malí. … ʻOku fie maʻu ʻe he ngaahi hoa malí ha taimi ke siofi, talanoa mo fefanongoʻaki lelei ai.”¹

Naʻa mo e ʻosi ha ngaahi taʻu lahi mei he ʻosi ʻa e malí, ʻe kei malava pē ke faingataʻa hono fevahevaheʻaki e ngaahi meʻa pelepelengesí. Ka ko ha ngaahi sitepu eni ke fakafaingofuaʻi ange ai:

1. Fakahingoa e ngaahi ongo ʻokú ke maʻú. Fokotuʻu ha hingoa ki ai, hangē ko e “loto hohaʻa,” “loto moʻua,” pe “loto vekeveke.”

2. Ongoʻi kinautolu. Māmālie hifo. Fehuʻi hifo, “Ko e fē feituʻu mo e taimi ʻoku ou fakatokangaʻi ai e ongó?”

3. Fakatokangaʻi kinautolu. ʻOku ʻi ai ha taumuʻa ʻo e ngaahi ongó. ʻOua naʻá ke fakamāʻia ʻiate koe pē pe ko ho malí hono maʻu ha ngaahi ongó. Ka mo fekumi ki he tokoni mo e fakahinohino ʻa e Tamai Hēvaní.

4. Vahevahe kinautolu. ʻI he taimi ʻokú ke vahevahe ai mo ho malí hoʻo ngaahi ongó, ʻokú ne faʻa ʻai ke mo toe vāofi ange ai. ʻOku tau lau ʻi he Ngaahi Tefito ʻo e Ongoongoleleí ʻo pehē, “ʻE lava ke fakamālohia ʻe he ngaahi hoa malí ʻa ʻenau nofo-malí ʻaki ʻena tuku ha taimi ke na talanoa fakataha ai pea mo fefakafanongoʻaki, ke na fakaʻatuʻi mo fakaʻapaʻapaʻi, pea mo fakahaaʻi maʻu pē ha ngaahi ongoʻi ʻofa mo tokanga.”²

ʻOku fakamālohia ʻe he ngaahi hoa mali ʻi ha faʻahinga taʻu motuʻa pē honau vā fetuʻutakí ʻi heʻenau ako ke ʻiloʻi, fakatokangaʻi, mo mahino pea talanoaʻi ʻenau ngaahi ongó. Mahalo ʻe ʻaonga ke fakaʻaongaʻi ha tefitoʻi moʻoni ueʻi fakalaumālie ʻe ua (1) “ʻOku maʻu ʻe he husepānití mo e uaifí ha fatongia toputapu ke na feʻofaʻaki mo fetokoniʻaki,” mo e (2) ʻoku fie maʻu ʻa e husepānití mo e uaifí ke na “fetokoniʻaki ko ha ongo hoa ngāue tuʻunga tatau.”³

ʻĪmisi

elderly couple holding hands

Naʻe fakatokangaʻi ʻe ha tokotaha fakatotolo ʻiloa ko Toketā Sione Kotimeni, ʻoku ʻi he ʻēlito ʻo ha nofo mali ʻoku leleí ʻa e malava ke aleaʻi mo ngāueʻi fakataha e ngaahi tefito mo e ngaahi ongo faingataʻá. Naʻá ne fokotuʻu ha sīpinga ʻo ne ui ko e “kamataʻanga vaivaí.” ʻOku fokotuʻu ʻe he hoa mali ʻoku ʻi ai ha meʻa ʻoku tokanga ki aí ha founga ke aleaʻi ai e meʻa ʻoku hohaʻa ki aí kae ʻikai ke ne fakaangaʻi e hoa mali ʻe tahá. ʻOku ʻi ai hano konga ʻe fā:

1. Fakahaaʻi e ongo ʻokú ke maʻú. Tokanga taha ki he meʻa ʻokú ke ongoʻí kae ʻikai ko e meʻa ʻoku fai pe lea ʻaki ʻe he tokotaha ʻe tahá. Hangē ko ʻení: “ʻOku ou ongoʻi ʻoku ʻi ai ha meʻa ʻoku ou hohaʻa, tokanga, ilifia pe manavasiʻi ki ai.” Fakahaaʻi hoʻo ngaahi ongó ʻaki e kamataʻanga “ʻOku oú” ʻo hangē ko e “ʻOku ou ongoʻi …”

2. Talanoa fekauʻaki mo ha tūkunga pe meʻa pau ne hoko. Feinga ke mahino mo hangatonu. Fakaʻehiʻehi mei hono sivisiviʻi pe fakamaauʻi ho malí. Fakakau e ngaahi meʻa kuó ke aʻusiá koeʻuhí ko e meʻa ne hokó pea mo e ongo naʻá ke maʻu aí.

3. Talaange ki ai ha meʻa lelei ʻokú ke fie maʻu. Fakamatalaʻi e meʻa ʻoku mahuʻinga kiate koe ʻi ha vā fetuʻutakí. Kole ki ho malí ke mo fakahoko ha ngaahi ngāue lelei ke aʻusia hoʻo ngaahi fiemaʻú. Anga fakaʻapaʻapa ʻi hono fakahoko hoʻo kolé. ʻE lelei ʻaupito ke ke fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e “Kātakí” pe “Te u houngaʻia aí.”

4. Fakahaaʻi ha loto-houngaʻia. Fakahikihikiʻi ho malí ʻi he ngaahi meʻa ko ia ʻoku ngāue lelei maʻaú.

Ko hotau tokolahi tahá ʻoku tau faʻa houngaʻia lahi ʻaupito pe fakaʻānaua moʻoni ki ha fehokotaki fakaeloto mo hotau malí. Hangē ko e lau ʻa e folofolá “‘ʻOku ʻikai ai ʻa e tangatá kae ʻi he fefiné, pea ʻoku ʻikai ai ʻa e fefiné kae ʻi he tangatá ʻi he ʻEikí” (1 Kolinitō 11:11). Kapau te tau feinga atu ki hotau malí ʻi haʻatau fie maʻu pea, ʻi ha faʻahinga ʻuhinga pē, ʻoku ʻikai faingamālie hotau malí pe ʻikai lava ke ne fakafiemālieʻi kitautolu, ʻoku ʻi ai ha faingamālie lahi ʻe lava ke tau aʻusia ai e meʻa ʻoku ui ʻe Toketā Sū Sionisoni ko e kafo lotó. ʻOku fakatupu ʻe he ngaahi kafo ko ʻení ha ngaahi ʻulungaanga kovi ʻa ia ʻoku hoko ʻi ha ngaahi founga kehekehe:

• ʻOhofi.ʻOku tau tuʻu atu pē ʻo fakaangaʻi hotau malí ʻi he ʻikai ke ne ʻi ai kiate kitautolú, mo ha ngaahi lea hangē tofu pē ko ʻení, “Kuo teʻeki ke ke ʻi ai koe maʻaku. ʻOku ʻikai mahuʻinga kiate koe ʻa e meʻa ʻoku ou fie maʻú.”

• Fakanongá. ʻOku tau tui ki he fakakaukau hotau malí, ʻo ʻamanaki he ʻikai toe hoko atu pe fakalalahi e aleá, ka ʻoku teʻeki fakaleleʻi ai ha meʻa ia, pea ʻoku faʻa iku ia ki hano tātānaki ʻo e ongo taufehiʻá.

• Maluʻí. ʻOku tau ʻoatu ha fakamoʻoni, hangē ko ha loea ʻi ha fakamaauʻanga, ki he ʻuhinga ʻoku tau tonuhia ai ʻi he ngaahi meʻa ne tau fai ʻi he ngaahi tūkunga lolotongá.

• Tukuange Māmālie. ʻOku tau holomui mai pea tau mavahe fakalongolongo. ʻOku tau tauhi hotau vā mamaʻó pea tau talanoa pē fekauʻaki mo e ngaahi fiemaʻu fakaʻahó, taʻe ʻi ai ha faʻahinga fehokotaki mahuʻingamālie.

• Faifeingá. ʻOku vivili ʻetau fuʻu fie maʻu ha fehokotakí, ʻo hokohoko atu ai ʻetau ʻeke fehuʻí, fie maʻu ha ngaahi talí, kole ke fakahoko ha ngaahi tukupaá, mo feinga pē ke mapuleʻi e ngaahi meʻa ʻoku hokó—ʻo ʻikai koeʻuhí ko hotau vā fetuʻutakí ka ke fakanonga ʻetau ngaahi ongo mamahí.

ʻOku ʻikai foʻou e ngaahi ʻulungaanga ko ʻení ʻi he taimi ʻoku tau ongoʻi ai kuo mole ʻetau fehokotaki mo e tokotaha ʻoku tau ʻofa aí. Ka ʻoku kovi ia koeʻuhí te nau lava ʻo fakatupu ha tōʻonga moʻui ʻoku ʻikai sai. ʻUluakí, ko e kafo lotó; uá, ko e ʻulungaanga koví; pea toe hoko atu foki mo ha ʻulungaanga kovi hili e foʻi ʻulungaanga kovi; pea hokohoko pehē atu ai pē. ʻI he founga ko ʻení, ʻoku kau fakatouʻosi mo toe mamahi pē e ongomeʻa malí fakatouʻosi.

ʻĪmisi

couple in Hong Kong

Ko e moʻoni, ʻoku kau e feohi fafalé ha konga mahuʻinga ʻo e nofo malí. Ko hono moʻoní, ʻe lava pē ke pehē ʻoku hoko e feohi fafalé ko ha meʻa mahuʻinga ʻo e nofo malí. ʻOku felāveʻi kotoa pē ʻa e ongoʻi vāofí, feohi fakatuʻasinó mo hono ongoʻi ha fehokotaki fakaeloto mālohí.

ʻOku fakatupulaki ʻe he feohi fafale fakaelotó ha fehokotaki mo ha vāofi ʻokú ne fakaloloto mo fakamālohia e feohi fafale fakasekisualé. ʻE faingataʻa ki ha tokotaha mali ʻoku siʻi ʻene ongo fakasekisualé ke fakahoko ha feohi fakasekisuale kapau ʻoku siʻisiʻi pē pe ʻikai ke ne ongoʻi ʻe ia ha fehokotaki fakaeloto. ʻI heʻene peheé, ʻoku fakatupu ʻe he fehokotaki fakaeloto ʻoku hoko maʻu pē pea ʻuhingamālié ha taulanga malu ki he feohi fafale fakasekisualé.

ʻI heʻetau matuʻotuʻa angé, ʻe malava ke toe faingataʻa ange ʻa e feohi fafale fakasekisualé. ʻI ha ngaahi tūkunga ʻe niʻihi, ʻe lava ke ʻoatu ʻe ha toketā taukei fakafaitoʻo pe talatalaifale mataotao ha fakakaukau mo ha tokoni. Ka ʻoku ou tui ʻe malava ke ʻi ai ha mahuʻinga lahi ʻi hono pukepuke ʻo e feohi fakatuʻasino ʻi he ngaahi meʻá ʻo faingofua hangē ko e feʻiloaki kimuʻa pea mohé, pikinima maʻu peé, pe ko e fāʻofua pe kuku mai ʻi he ʻofá.

ʻĪmisi

two birds sitting in a nest

Tā fakatātaaʻi ʻe Carolyn Vibbert

Sai, kapau ʻokú ke pehē ʻokú ke kei fakaʻānaua pē ki he lisi ko ia ʻo e ngaahi meʻa fakamānako ke fakahokó pe ngaahi founga ke mo toe fehokotaki ai ʻi he ngaahi taʻu kuo ʻikai toe ʻi ai ai ha fānau ʻi ʻapí, ko e ongoongo leleí ʻeni: ʻi he lolotonga hoʻomo fehokotaki fakaeloto pe toe fehokotaki fakaelotó, ʻe faingofua ange ke mo faʻu ha lisi te mo fakatou lava ʻo tokoni ki ai. ʻE hoko ia ko hoʻomo lisi, pea koeʻuhí ko kimoua ne mo faʻu iá, ʻe lahi ange e faingamālie te mo fakahoko ai iá. ʻOku faʻa ngāue vāofi fakataha ange e ngaahi hoa mali ʻoku nau fokotuʻu ha ngaahi vā fetuʻutaki fakaeloto ʻoku mālohi angé mo maʻu ha ngaahi founga ki he anga ʻo ʻena nofo malí neongo hona puipuituʻá, meʻa ʻokú na saiʻia aí, ngaahi manakó pe ngaahi ʻekitivitií.